Dear MIMsters: I’m Worried That My Son Will Learn This Bad Habit From His Father
I have been married for almost eight years & blessed with two children. My husband has this bad habit.
Often, the only way I get to know he’s offended over something is when he stops eating my food and not talking to me. Since we got married, I always make reconciliatory overtures whenever there is a problem. We can live for days, weeks or even months without talking to each other until I decide to show maturity and reach out to him for the sake of peace.
This being the case, I think he’s beginning to take me for granted by behaving as if there’s more at stake for me in the marriage than there is for him. During a similar incident previously, his elder brother stepped in to make peace & advised him to put his ego & pride aside as one needs to make a lot of compromises for a happy marriage. Even after that talk, I had to initiate reconciliation before he started talking to me & eating my food.
He’s been at it again for almost five weeks now and I decided I’ve had enough & would no longer be the one to initiate any reconciliatory moves even though I can see no end to it.
What puzzles me is to date, I really can’t put a finger to what exactly I did to him. I had returned from an overnight work, met him and exchanged pleasantries like we normally do, then after preparing lunch, I asked my kids to go call him to come down for us to eat as we all sit at table to eat together. The kids told me he was sleeping and because he had returned late from work and was also scheduled to work some few hours after lunch, I decided to let him sleep for a while.
Subsequent calls for him to come down and eat as his time to leave for work was approaching were met with no response. It was a busy Saturday for me doing a lot of household chores. Finally, when he came down, he just took his car keys and left without saying anything to me, which left me very baffled.
Usually, he comes home during his break at work, so I left the food as laid on the table but he never touched it. This has always been his way of showing that he’s upset with me. Could you believe that we’ve not spoken to each other for almost five weeks since?? He’s been eating food from outside ever since. I am never proud to say sorry or ask forgiveness, but I also would not tolerate being bullied into submission. My worry is that my son, who is almost seven has been asking why daddy doesn’t eat with us anymore & I don’t want to get him involved in all what is going on at his age, but I’m also concerned that he may be learning some bad examples from this.
I would be grateful for some advice, suggestions and useful and mature comments. Thank you.
That is a very bad character. Just explain to ur son that Daddy must have had bad days at work, and have some things bothering him, tell him not to worry, when daddy settles it, he will be happy again, and will eat. But I wil suggest, if been the first to seek for peace will give u the happiness u need and that of ur kids, pls do, for the sake of the kids.
Sorry to say ma, but your husband is too childish. I’ve got a friend who behaves exactly like him, what I normally do is, anytime he’s at it, I’ll swallow my pride and ask for forgiveness. I kept doing that until one day he complained that I do say sorry everytime and its becoming as if he is being wicked to me. With that, I sat him down and talked to him like a child he claim to be with his behavior. Ever since then he has changed.
keep apologizing to him. Some day he’ll grow up. And please stop letting the issue stay more than a day. for the sake of your son.
I see dis as been chidish, so many marriages r suffering, God save ur people.
This is d type of thing dat makes me doubt if “Love” really exist. To me d most important tin I want in dis life is PEACE of mind n body n happiness n bcos of dis, I wondn’t mind bin d first to ask for reconsiliation bt d most important tin is dat I must hv made my point knwn to u.
Madam apart from begging him for reconciliation gave you ever talked to him about ds how he makes you feel plus d fact that ur kids(u shld not only b worried about ur son) are seeing him & learning from him if he truly cares that should halt him but if you talked to him b4 & even d brother did then it’s time to stop lapping up to him.if your son disturbs you again tell him his dad is fasting. Then Alwz teach your children about the good of communication in relationship. It starts from now.when they sulk instead of talking& telling you what is bothering tell them it’s unless they talk to someone that the person wl know they are hurt& try to help out
Hmmm l can imagine ur pain.When he cones arround n is in a happy mood,explain 2 him d effects of ds habit on his kids.Beg him 2 always point out 2 u when anything upsets him.Kids learn more frm wat they see than things they hear.let him always think abt his kids whenever he desides 2 shut down
Sorry to say but u married a small boy or rather a woman cos dts a womans attitude. I mean if u dnt apologise fr a year he wont talk to u or eat ur food fr a year. Na wa oooo. Nigerian marriage women automatically turning head of home cos d men are so not showing d attribute of being d head of d home. If i were u i’ll ignore him no matter what (im vry good at dat) wen he sees dat i dnt give a heck he’ll grow up n such will neva repeat itsef agn. Aha hw can i b d one suffering all d time. Nonsense!
Hmmm!! he really needs to grow up, maybe u should invite hus brother once again but this time let it be a serious dialogue. Let him say what exactly is eating him up. As 4 ur son, don’t get him involved, just find something pleasant to tell him as d reason why daddy doesn’t eat u d family for now. all d best.
*with*
Like seriously I see this as been childish..God have mercy!
From your story i belive he grew up an introvert.once you notice apologize to him.then whenever he is in a good mood and possibly in the room go there and stire into his face for minuites without talking then leave.i mean let him notice you.if he doesn’t ask you what the prob is then repeat it in later days but if he does then pour out your heart to him tell him your worries and fears.encourage him to tell you your flaws whenever you wrong him.assure him of your love for him.i pray there will be a change.for now apologize devil siezes opportunites like this in marraiges to operate.
Lord have mercy!
God help women
What a man wt childish character hnmm may God help sm marriages
Apart from being the first to apologise, you also need to sit him down and talk to him. If he’s d type dat wakes up to do things in d middle of the night, den I’ll suggest you wake him up and talk to him. Keeping malice with your husband for that long is not right. Scripture says can two walk together except they agree? A lot of things won’t work out fine when husband and wife are at logger heads. Pls call his brother again or someone you know he’ll listen to. Above all, pray for him that God will instill the right character in him. Apologise to your husband again just for the sake of peace and the treasures God has given you
U need to call him to order. Tell him for d kids sake he needs to grow up seeiously.
Very stinky attitude he’s got there
Dear i will advice u to keep up with reconcilation for the sake of peace and as for ur son u can tell him that dad is fasting.it quit a pity his so child- like
Tell your son that something is bothering daddy and he should pray that God resolves it soon.
And daddy needs to grow up and stop being a baby. 5 weeks is too long for silent treatment abeg. Report him to his brother again or anyone he listens to, maybe your pastor and tell them to talk to him.
Please for your peace of mind just go to him again and ask what the matter is. Make peace with him and let him know for the sake of your marriage that attitude has to change. I can’t stand staying in the same house and not communicating with my husband. Its torture.
Am at lost here o!
No need to apologise for something you have no idea of doing just keep calm act as if nothing is happening . Greet him talk to him as though all is well in time he will come around . He is just being a spoil child
we do the right thing not because the other person deserves it but because that’s the right thing to do so i’ll say keep doing the right thing for the sake of peace in your home. Do not forget to keep praying for your children. The lord is your strength…
Hmmmm. This is annoying, well, I’ll say since u’ve tolarated him for so long u should continue, not for him but for ur sanity and ur kids. And u really need to talk to him about this childishly foolish act.
Malice is a bad thing, it can fester like a sore
Your hubby is being childish,please for the sake of peace go and reconciled with him but after that when he is in a good mood kindly sit him down and talk to him make sure when you are talking you look straight into his eyes so that he will see the seriously in you and above pray for him always.
Dear mum, you have really tried by putting up with this his attitude for this long. I think you should ask for forgiveness for the last time so as to have opportunity to have a good talk with him about his behaviour(ego). As for your son; you can tell him daddy is going through some hard times which he will get over soon. May God help you sweetheart.
Hmmm! Some men sha.Dear poster,I’m sorry to say but ur hubby is too childish and from de look of things he doesn’t really love u as much as u do.Needless to say,dnt let it bother u too much dat u are de one dat keep initiating reconciliation each time he comes up wit his childish act no matter how bad it may be hurting you.And also do de reconciliation within a day or two jst to avoid ur kids bothering u with questions u cnt genuinly give answers to.As for ur sons,teach dem to respect elders and most importantly to respect women n also instill in dem dat it is not good to keep malice with anybody no matter how bad dey hurt u.Ur kids r still very young n dis is de only time to mould dem to who u want dem to become in future.All de best sis.
Men and their ego
Men are babies. Most men behave childishly. Though I experienced such at my early marriage but mine is not as long as this. But I make him see reasons why he must open up to me when he is angry , I also followed it up with prayer. Everything is perfect now. Pls mum during the reconciliation move let him understand that he is the head and the kids are looking upto him for their better 2moro. Let him understand the important of communication and how u feel about all these, above all prayer is the key. Remember the virtuous woman in proverb 31. The bible said she builds her home with her own hand, while the foolish pulls hers down. Concerning your kids always teach them from the bible, show them examples of a good father from d bible. Let them know that dad is working hard. Don’t create any impression for them that you are having mis understanding with their dad. All the best mum. God’s wisdom is upon you IJN.
My dear take heart. Your husband is still a boy,yet to grow up to understand what maturity and being a husband and father is. If he knew, he won’t be behaving the way he is doing. This time around, apologize and give him a talk on how his attitude towards you stinks and the children are getting to see what is going on. Let him open up to you on what ever bothers him so both of you could trash it out. I pray he listens and live up to the title “husband and father “!!!
Dear poster, it’s not healthy at all for u to stay so long without talking to ur husband. I know it’s not easy to be d one playing d fool all the time but for the sake of ur kids, immediately u notice him behaving in this manner, try all u can to draw him out of it. We marry for better or for worse, warts and all. If u are a christian, make a habit of specifically mentioning this his failing when d two of u are praying, go for counselling with ur priest or pastor and above all be a strong woman bcos u need inner strength to live with such a man. All the best.
I just get so pissed when a man sulks like this one
This is childish bt pls make peace wit him for d sake of ur kids
He is acting like à kid for réal.
I cam’t imagine staying a whole day without talking with my hubby nt to talk of 5weeks..! Dat ur hubby is acting so childish and I knw its affecting bcs is nt easy. Well for ur kids sake and for peace to reign just try and reconcile with him and move on. Notin person no go see for marriage.
Just apologize and let him know that you are not happy with his attitude. I hope he changes.
Sorry to say this but your husband is using a very powerful weapon tgat most abusers use. He is an emotional abuser. He tries to manipulate you with his quietness and mood. If it’s not quickly handled, it can drive the victim to maniac depression. You have to put an end to it now. You have to tell him and address it now. He is very controlling and manipulative..stop the cooking and begging..change the style..distract yourself with your kids and hobbies..if the talk approach doesn’t work. understand what he likes and get to him there..he is very very controlling and font let him drive you nuts with his character..it’s not ego at all. He’s doing it intentionally.pray for him..do things that will make him speak..don’t be overly nice when he brings home his friends…let him know what it feels like..most importantly..pray and have a very good confidant..because this things need to be spoken about to unburden your heart since the closest person to you has refused to talk to you. You are Loved.
wear something skimpy whenever he’s around and make sure he sees you. start paying more attention to your appearance. pray for his wellbeing aloud, let him hear you. fight him and the spirit of blackmail to s standstill, don’t applogose yet
I’m so angry right now I wonder how this women will be feeling what kind of annoying attitude is this lord have mercy
He’s still a baby, honestly… I mean! What a terrible attitude!!
Don’t relent in your prayers for him. He may not really be happy doing it but he does not know how to get out of it.