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5 Things You Should Never Say To A Stay-At-Home Mum

5 Things You Should Never Say To A Stay-At-Home Mum

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Eleven years ago, I was a growing star in the accounting field. I had graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in Accountancy at the age of 19 with several years of leadership experience under my belt. I had easily landed my first job as a tax accountant for a billion dollar company and was being recruited for other desirable positions. Then, 10 ½ years ago, I left all of that behind to wipe noses, change diapers and wear out several washing machines.

My new career is unpaid, un-glamorous and often downright disgusting. There is no corporate ladder to climb, no year-end bonus and very little employee appreciation. My clientele is juvenile and whiny, and yet I still continue to choose this stay-at-home life over a corporate position.

It is not always an easy decision. In the years since I left the workforce, my family has experienced college student poverty, lost jobs, broken-down vehicles and unexpected medical expenses. I’ve personally struggled through two bouts of postpartum depression and at least one mid-life crisis. Yet, I still stay home and clean the same floor I cleaned yesterday, read the same stories and play Candy Land for the millionth time.

Some mornings, it takes a great deal of determination to not slip into some heels, run out the front door and beg for my quiet, organized cubicle back. That is why it infuriates me when a working mother says the following things to me:

1. “I could never be a stay-at-home mom.”

Of course you could! Would it be insanely difficult for you? Probably, but the rest of us are in the same boat. I don’t choose to be a stay-at-home mom each day because it is the easier option. I do it because I believe in it, no matter how challenging it gets.

2. “Motherhood just isn’t enough for me.”

How dare you say that out loud! Would you seriously insinuate that, while you are off building a glorious career, I am content to sit at home and simply perform motherhood? Staying at home for the last 10 years hasn’t turned me into a laundry-folding, nose-wiping robot. No, I work hard to continue learning, growing and developing my mind much like you, only I don’t get paid, and there are usually five adorable distractions around.

3. “We couldn’t afford for me to stay home.”

Imagine walking up to your child’s teacher, one of the most unfortunately underpaid careers in our society, and saying to her, “I could never afford to be a teacher.” Would you do that? Never! It would be incredibly insensitive and rude to tell someone their job isn’t good enough for you because of the pay scale. My husband and I sacrifice a generous second income because we believe that our children will benefit from the constant care of someone who loves them the most, someone with the greatest interest in their success, someone who will never, ever give up on them. Over the years I’ve pinched pennies, clipped coupons, taught piano, provided child care and gone without so that I could continue to be there 24/7 for my kids.

4. “Isn’t that bad for your career?”

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Why yes it is, and thank you so much for rubbing salt in that wound. When I left my job I was way ahead of the curve, highly successful and going places. Now, I might have trouble getting a job in my field at all. At some point when I choose to go back to work, I will have to fight and struggle to make up for lost time. I will be behind, inexperienced, and probably underpaid. It keeps me up at night on occasion, but the next day you will find me in the kitchen, with my kids, all day long.

5. “Don’t you feel like you are losing yourself?”

Sometimes, but then I fight back. I read, I exercise, I learn to do new things. I refuse to become simply Mrs. Mom. My name is Amy Nielson. I am a wife, a mother and an evolving human being. I am a budding gardener, an improving chef, a growing writer, a musician and a wannabe scientist. My interests reach across many subjects, and much like you, I long to have my growth recognized and appreciated.

Now to be clear, I’m not expecting the women of the world to rise up as one and exit the workforce. I respect your right to your own beliefs, your own intuition, and your own judgement. I could not possibly know your situation or what has led to the decisions you make. All that I am asking is that you show respect for my decisions, my life, my fight. Don’t insult or demean my career of choice. Be happy for me. Support me. Lift me up.

So, what should you say to a stay-at-home mom? How about, “Good for you for making that work,” “What lucky kids you have,” or, “That’s amazing! I hope your kids appreciate you for what you do.” After all, the little people we work for may not be able to understand our monumental efforts and sacrifices, but a little bit of recognition from our friends and neighbors or even strangers can go a long way to helping us feel validated in the difficult life choice that we make to stay home with our kids.

Source: huffingtonpost

View Comments (34)
  • I am a stay at home mum for now, and I don’t really care even if anyone tells me all the above. I don’t allow people’s opinion to affect me negatively.

  • Hmmmmm……..motherhood.I look at d by products,my beautiful kids and i know its all worth it.Kudos to all mums( in style)

  • Hmmmmm……..motherhood.I look at d by products,my beautiful kids and i know its all worth it.Kudos to all mums( in style).

  • I feel like hugging the writer i gave up a 7 year high paying career to stay home with the kids , it’s been tough but worth it

  • I lv dis so much cos I left my good paying job for my kids n there is nothing anybody says dat matters to me. Tanx MISM

  • I was a stay home mum for some years raising my two kids, our society does not have respect for stay home mus cos they believe it’s laziness that makes a woman stay at home, they believe if you don’t bring home pay cheques every month end that you ain’t useful to your family. It’s just few husbands that understands the value of mothers that decided to stay home because of their kids, even your in laws will not understand.

  • I have no regrets for the time I am investing in my kids and home. I am most grateful to God that I am doing it. Its a calling. The most tasking job ever though without salary, but there is surely a reward from above. What a blessing to be a mom. I am proud I am.

  • Some people think being a stay-at-home mum is easy,it isn’t easy at all.kudos to all stay-at-home mums

  • I’m a Stay-at-home mom..it tough,but I don’t regret my decision. Great stuff!

  • I’ve been at it for 3 yrs now.lt could be depressing sometimes but His grace is sufficient

  • Someday soon I will be making same decision…God help me plsssss make it easy for me.

  • The end will always justify the means. Mums that give their kids attention know the behaviours of their children and help them grow better

  • Its nt easy to be a stay at home mum sometimes I feel like running away but GOD has been my backbone and my understanding husband

  • Motherhood is a blessing! And a full time job you cant quit! Sometimes you get sooo exhausted! Tired and drained! Sometimes you feel like having a vacation but you cant! You have the number one big baby(husband) and the little bundles of joy! One day I thought to give myself a break, went to the movies after I had dropped off my kids in school ( the idea of taking my self out) I got a large cup of Coldstone ice cream, popcorn and other goodies!, but guess what? I slept off at the cinema, only for someone to tap me on the shoulder! “Excuse me, the movie is finished”lol …didn’t know I was that exhausted! In all its still worth it! God bless good moms

  • People shouldn’t be judged and people should respect others opinion. Some people are because they want to and others because there is no job.

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