Dear MIM Reader: My Wife Does Not Show My Kids Love

I became a widower after my wife died while giving birth to our third child. I got married 2 years after to a single woman who has never been married. She was 36, seemed nice and we got along. She got to know that I come with a “baggage” but said yes when I proposed.

Shortly after we got married, I noticed that she had been pretending all this while about having true interests in my children’s welfare. With time, it became obvious that she can’t stand my kids. They are 7, 5 and 4. When you see her with them, you will know she’s not their mother because she doesn’t behave like one. She is not interested in what they do at school. She just leaves them with the nanny, goes to work, comes back anytime, watches TV and goes to bed.

I’ve talked and pleaded with her to be more involved. She tells me that when she has kids, then she will learn how to be a mother. I’m not financially stable now, I can’t concentrate on work because I have to be the dad and mom. My mother lives in Ekiti and doesn’t want to come near my wife. I can’t send my children to Ekiti. What kind of life will they have there? Sorry for this long write up, I’m just so frustrated and no longer happy with my marriage. I’m thinking I need to put my kids first.

Please advice.

34 Discussions on
“Dear MIM Reader: My Wife Does Not Show My Kids Love”
  • Message.. Was even thinking its ur real wife not knowing its their step mother hnmmm honestly its better u weren’t married to her than marry someone dat can’t stand ur kids n how sure re u she will even treat dem/her own kids well if she eva gv birth? U better let her go if she refuses to change abeg.

  • Message..any one can call them self a mother.. I have four step children and two of my own I love all my kids it’s hard to deal with step kids bat the best medicine is love can change it all.

  • It’s very unfair of her to treat them like that. Why did she get married to you when she knows she won’t love them and treat them well. It’s been two yrs and doesn’t it occur to her that perhaps the way she treats them is the reason God have not blessed her with kids. Continue show her love, talk to her and pray

  • Women and pretence. Why did she marry u when she knows she won’t love your kids? That woman is pure evil. Your kids shouldn’t be around a woman like that so they won’t hate u in future.

  • Offcourse u ve to put ur children first she’s insensitive for nt caring for dose innocent children u really need to ve a serious talk wit her threaten her wit divorce and see hw it goes may God lead u

  • Message..your children comes first, send the woman packing and get a young divorcee or widow who has tasted labour pain, she will be in the best position. mind you, don’t expect 100% care the way their mother use to give to them from any woman, it’s extremely difficult except if you are lucky. good luck.

  • Message..Pls don’t even dream of taking ur lovely children to ekiti because life there is hell…talking from experience, am a corp member here in ekiti…life here is hell. As for ur wife, pray to God to change her mindset.

  • That woman is a very wicked person. Pls let her go! She dint come cos of those kids but for her personal interest to be called a married woman.

  • Pls sir,it’s not like she didn’t know of ur kids before marrying u.
    I think u should put ur kids bf her if not,they Wil hate u so much thinking it’s ur fault.

  • Concentrate more attention on your kids, look for someone to come take care of them when u are not around, neglect & make her look unimportant, if possible send her packing

  • Of course ur kids have to come first. She was just pretending so she’ll be married by u. Some women and pretense sha. Send ur lawyer to serve her a divorce letter which u might later withdraw when she changes her attitude towards ur kids…. If she doesn’t then let her go. The nanny can actually take care of them till they are matured enough to care for themselves. The kids might not even be safe with her around

  • Someone who is not God fearing and tolerant can’t take care of step children , even a biological mother still behave like stepmom sometimes. From an experience, i will suggest u do away with your wife and get a relative either from your side or their mom to stay with them, a good nanny can also help pending the time they can go to boarding school, a good creche can also help. All these can b quite expensive but u will b glad later in life that u were a super dad.

  • Wait until she has her own kids then u’ll knw d real meaning of maltreatment.Your kids will turn 2 house helps in their own house n she wont allow u do anything 4 them accusing u that u are being partial.U must always satisfy her kids 1st with d best b4 ur own kids.Oga sorry but d truth is she never start.
    lf u love ur kids,act now that she is not yet pregnant

  • In this instance, ur kids come first . send that je**bel away cos if she takes in & have even one child for you, ur kids wl automatically turn to servants & outcasts in ur home, hope she wont lie against them then so u start hating on them . hope you dey watch naija movies? It also happens in real life

  • So sad….Well since she can’t accept them as her own, you better send her away now and face your kids yourself bcos when she finally have her own kid it will be worse than this.

  • she pretended to u so she can marry u.of course no more time on her side she had to b mrs anybody.anyway ur kids should def com first.

  • Maybe, just maybe she feels threatened by the love you have for your kids. Maybe she also needs love from you. She is human and has feeling, doesn’t want to compete for your love, so decides to be indifferent. If you have a matured person that she respects that you could talk to. Go to that person, so you could try make I work. Its not always what it seems, we can’t give what we don’t have either.

  • Eka spoke well,she married you cause she’s getting old you said 36 you can imagine.she was only desperate.polygamous home is full of trouble only Jesus can help.for d sake of those children consider them first.before dat woman.

  • Your kids comes first,and i don’t think your wife really loves you,she just wanted to be with a man because she”s out of age already,because whoever loves you,must love everything that concerns you……

  • Ur children comes first pls,if u ve 2 do away wiv er,pls don’t hesitate,if she starts havin er kids,believe me,she ll turn u away frm ur kids.i ve seen it happen.

  • Your kids should come first in anything,especially that you are all they have,women will pretend just to wear a ring on their finger,there few women out there that will accept you and your baggage,same thing applies to men,not all men can stand another man’s child,but for me I would rather be alone love and care for my kids,rather than put them in danger with a pretender,just do what best for you and your kids ok,cheers

  • I believe you got what you deserve. Many men think it is a ball’s game to care for kids and think their wives are replaceable with just anyone. Seems he married her to care for the kids and himself which she resents. He is not even financially strong, so it seems she chips in there too. You should have cared for them yourself, which many widows do, but widowers like to jump into a new nuptial and complain afterwards.

    • Is it possible for you to bring your mother to come and stay and help with the children for a season. That four year old needs so many hugs and such love. They are all so young, let them not suffer the double tragedy of losing their mother and knowing no real love and affection. My heart bleeds for the children.

  • chaii, am speechless, some woman sef. Why are some women wicked when it comes to their step children? Didnt she know that her behaviour and maltreatment to the kids wont bring children into her life. dear poster, your kids come first, ask your wife to change. accept and love the kids as her own so God can bless her through them.

  • ur kids should comes first, pls sir tht satan need to sent away b4 she wil brain watch every souls in tht house.l pray, lf she is still in tht house, d almighty God wil make every comment cencerning her wil become consuming upon her IJN Amen.

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