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Dear MIMsters: My Friend Betrayed Me And Now She Wants Me To Do This

Mimsters, I would like your genuine opinion on this matter. I am someone who finds it very easy to give others a helping hand. I have been kind to so many people but I get betrayed in return. Not that I expect anything back though.

Few years ago, I had this friend, Sandra, (more like an acquaintance) who got pregnant for her womanizing boyfriend. This is a guy who impregnated two of Sandra’s close friends, so her parents were not in support of their relationship. She was alone but I was there for this lady in every way possible.

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To cut a long story short, 4 years after this incidence, I received a phone call from a lady who claimed to be Sandra’s sister, Pat. Pat said she needed help. Immigration was after her and she needed somewhere to hide. God is my witness, that I told Pat to turn herself in and do the right thing.

I told her that since she’s dating a guy from the country, then they should go home and get married. Her husband can then apply for her to come and join him. They did that and it worked. But the the guy divorced Pat 2 months later. She was devastated but wouldn’t tell me what she did. I stood as a friend and supported her and encouraged her to move on.

A year later, Pat met a guy with my help and they got married. Note that, every time this lady comes to my house, she would make statements like, “you are lucky to have such a man,” “you live in a rich neighbourhood” etc. I always made her understand that I did not marry a rich guy. I married a man who started life just like myself. All that she sees didn’t just happen. It took years for us to get to where we are now. Funny thing is, we were still renovating our house and there was nothing special about where or how we lived. Her ‘funny’ comments began to make me uncomfortable. So I decided to be careful with her.

I restricted her visits but one thing I never did was to tell her deep things about my marriage and our plans.  I am thankful to God that I always watched my words around her.

Fast forward to recently, for the first time in our 3 years friendship, I asked Pat to help me do something. It wasn’t anything demanding. I just needed her to help organise an upcoming event. I just needed her help for 45 minutes. She agreed at first but later called to tell me that her hubby didn’t want them to come. I knew she was lying but I kept this to myself.

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A month later, her hubby, Jones called to find out why my hubby and I decided to block everyone (he joked). That he had wanted them to pay us a visit so we could spend sometime together but his wife told him I said we didn’t need any visitors at that time. My hubby was about to narrate what transpired between Pat and I, but I signaled him to stop. He gave me the phone and I told Jones that I would like to talk to his wife first before I say anything.

I did that because Jones had told us before that his wife, Pat lies a lot, so I know he does not trust her that much and I didn’t want to create a mess.
When I called Pat, I guess her husband was there. She started making up stories and lied to my face. She even went as far as conniving with Sandra whom I helped some years back. Came up with a story that, when I was helping Sandra, I spoke bad things about her to her boyfriend at that time, because I was interested in him. She said that I go about sleeping with any man and that I don’t deserve to be married to my husband. That it’s my character. She said I look nice but I’m poisonous. She said I went about telling people how she, Pat and her husband borrowed money for their wedding and how broke they were after. That they are poor and live in a wooden house while I go about showing off our assets. That I am jealous of her so I go about making up stories just to make myself feel good. That my hubby should be careful about me since I go about sleeping with any man behind his back.

During this tirade, my husband who had been listening quietly, spoke up in my defence. My husband was the first man in my life (sex wise). He warned them that they could say whatever they wanted but he wasn’t going to tolerate them portraying me as a prostitute. That he knew the lady he married. Told the man he’s had enough and asked him to go his way.

Pat and her husband were shocked. Apperently, they expected an argument would ensue between my husband and I but I did not say anything because my husband told me to ignore them since I had just had a baby. Their lies didn’t end there. The people who once respected me, including some church elders heard and they were all disappointed. I could go on and on.

They said I was trying to destroy her home. I was hurt, disappointed and ashamed before my husband, since he had previously warned me about Pat when she was making those funny comments.
Six months ago( almost year after this whole drama), Pat’s husband called to check on us. We did not answer. He left a message asking how we were faring. The message also included information about their new car, their house, the new job his wife has, how good life was for them etc. We had a good laugh listening to that message. It sounded very childish.

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According to the message, Pat has forgiven me and it would be nice to hear from us. We’ve not returned their call till date. Since they said I was the one who was jealous and a home breaker, why are they trying to come into our lives again?

Now, Pat’s husband wants to settle the matter between me and his wife so he brought in someone that my hubby and I respect to talk with me. I told the person that there’s nothing to talk about. The person they sent is an elder whom I consider to be a mother to me but she thinks that I’m being difficult. She said I should just hear them out but I’m not ready and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for such. My husband is in support of my decision. He doesn’t even want to see them again.

Mimsters, what will you do if you were in my situation? Do you think I’m being too difficult? Will you open your door for such a person a second time?

37 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: My Friend Betrayed Me And Now She Wants Me To Do This”
  • I can never be friends with such a person again ever. I totally support you on this one dear poster you don’t need such people in your life please. As u have cut off from them, let it remain so please. Forgive but don’t let them into your life again. They are not worth the trouble.

  • I really appreciate God for ur life and ur marriage. Its not easy going through betrayals from people u have assisted in one way or d other. I advice d elderly woman some respect and just listen to her. Therafter, u can tell her u just don’t need that kind of friendship with anyone. Now I’m going to give u d advice I was given by my marriage before my marriage, ” ur husband should be ur best friend”. I thank God ur husband is ur best friend as ur story just portrayed him. Reman blessed

  • Dear sis, open your door and hear dem, but dt doesn’t change ur mind from runing away from a liar and a destroyer of your marriage

    • Open er door 2 hear what fa?abeg no,maybe u donmt ve experience wiv pple like dat,i tell u I do,dere s no need 2 hear anything they ve. 2 say If u don’t Ve plans 2 reconcile wiv dem cos they ll create more negative stories frm dat meeting.

  • Which 2nd chance! God forbid! That woman is bad news, u better give them a 1000 yards if u want peace. Otherwise, they’ll destroy ur home for good this time around. Tell the elderly woman politely the decision u and ur hubby made. God forbid bad tin! Shuo!

  • Ever heard once bitten twice shy or to whom brain is given sense is expected.Tell the elderly woman that you had forgiven them and bear no grudge against them(that is if truly from your heart u have)but that you and your family don’t want to have anything to do with them.Friendship is not by force

  • Hearing dem out for d sake of d elder is nt a big deal, tank God ur hubby is with u. Ur decision shud remain ur decision. U can’t please dis world n d creatures in it

  • Just one word! Never! Stay away from them for life cos their coming will spell more doom than good……..

  • Run o!!! You are the one who knows what you went through, so annoying as it is, forget about people saying you are difficult. A person like Pat will still show herself, wait till she deals with those saying you are difficult.

  • no. I will not allow such person to come closer to me. Thank God d way things went so u can know ur real friends. A word is enof for d wise.

  • Hmmmm. I totally agree with Juliet. Listen to them, make her confess to all the lies and stand your ground. Don’t allow her to come close ever again. No matter what they say and no matter the plea. You don’t need such friends. They will try to be your friend after now but use wisdom to distance yourself. May God help you

  • I hate when men turn to puppets because they got married. To the point on ground, I think these people want to spoil your good name by all means thats y they are going to all these lengths to achieve that. But if I were in your shoes, as a sign of respect to that elder, I will just hear them out, tell them I have forgiven them BUT inside my heart, I know that we can never be close again but hello hi friends when we see cos I won’t give them room for that. Don’t give those miscreants the opportunity to make ur relationship with a mother figure go bad.let her know solely u r meeting them for her sake, u can meet at her home or an eatery but NEVER in ur home or theirs cos am sure they feel they have arrived&want to show off

  • File them under…UN-important. Move on, don’t let this jobless bunch drag you into a bigger mess. I’ve had this kinda experience before and i shut down completely on her when she came back for reconciliation. I have forgiven her in my mind and moved on.

  • Dear Madam, almost every woman on this page can totally relate with you. Women are their own worst enemies. We are always betrayed by those closest to us out of their own jealousy and envy. Personally, I understand completely because I have been in your shoes. There is nothing more vindictive and painful than being accused of being a slut, and that accusations being spread to people who used to respect and admire you. I encountered the same thing and out of anger and bitterness, I knelt down and prayed for the wrath of God upon that lady (she used to be my best friend) . . I asked God to punish her for concocting and circulating such lies about me. Today (5 years later), she is in more pain than you can possibly imagine (I won’t want to go into details) . . . I have since begged God to forgive her, because I have totally forgiven her. No matter what she did to me, she does not deserve to keep passing through such hell. I have regretted ever making such a prayer and I wish I could take back those words!!!!

    The bottom-line is that you need to forgive her . . . for your own sake. The guilt that comes from knowing someone’s pain is indirectly as a result of the curse you placed on them is not worth the stress. Forgive them and move on for your own peace of mind. Say to them that you have forgiven them, let their conscience be their judge.

  • Just one word I would to say to her if I were you ***taaa** as in shift! Comot for my front! Good riddance

  • My dear,”Once bitten twice shy”dnt ever try dat,even the so called woman you respect a lot,jxt let her know dat you do not bear grudges againt anybody.but you jxt want things to remain the way the are.Even though she does not agree with you.Dnt allow them to pressure you into anything.The World is Very Evil.

  • If i were to be in your shoes i’ll listen to whatever she has to say, make sure you get the truth out of her but you can never be friends with her again. If she can do all these to you despite all you’ve done for her, she’ll do worse if you continue being friends with her.

  • I have been hurt before but not like this. Eish. Talk to them from a neutral place for the sake of that mother-figure person. If that mother keeps suggesting things you are not comfortable with, tell her friendship is not by force and she can’t guess how hurt you were. You have a good man for a husband.Thank God for him. Forgive Pat, her sister nad husband but never be close to them. Peace.

  • I totally concur wit ur decision,forgive her but u dnt need her presence to address any issue cos u dnt knw wats up their sleeve. N sry to say her huby is d most stupid man on earth. Thk God u hv a supportive partner.

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