Dear MIM Readers: Help! We Brought My Mother-in-law to Help With the Baby in the US, Now She’s A Thorn in the Flesh
I’m a first time mum. I had my precious baby boy with an emergency C section almost 2 months ago. Ever since I gave birth, I have not rested well because of baby demands, sleepless nights and all. My hubby has been very supportive and helping as much as he can – he cooks, cleans and holds the baby while I get some sleep – but he recently got a very demanding job that makes him stay too long from the house. So, because of that I’m always home alone with the baby. There’s no help from anywhere as we live in the US.
Following these challenges, we decided to bring my mother-in-law over so she can also help out. Hubby spent a lot of money for her visa and ticket. She’s been here for like almost a month now and things have gone from bad tor worse. She is not helping with anything at all except giving the baby a bath which I have to almost beg her to do. I’m so frustrated! She can’t even help me in changing the baby’s diaper when he poops. Even to help me hold him while I cook is a problem. I find myself running around the house every day while she’ll just sit and watch TV.
To crown it all, she has never travelled before, so she’s so new to the system of the country and understands nothing about technology. She doesn’t like the food here too, so, I have to cook different types of Nigerian food like eba and ogbolo in the morning instead of tea and bread for her to serve her. When she finishes eating she doesn’t even bother to wash dishes. At night when the baby is crying, she has never made an attempt to help calm the baby. She is always busy sleeping while myself and my husband are busy running up and down in the house.
My hubby, who normally wakes up 5 a.m. to go to work, ends up having sleepless nights and is usually stressed out for work. I’m so tired of all this because I’m on exclusive breastfeeding; the stress, sleepless nights, extra rounds of cooking daily for her and all, is really affecting my health and milk production.
I have complained to hubby several times. He’s not in support of what his mum is doing but doesn’t know how to handle the situation to avoid hurting her feelings. Truth is, my MIL is an old woman and really too old to do much. How I wish she told us that she can’t take care of a baby before processing her visa; we wouldn’t have even bothered to bring her. People think we are enjoying now that my MIL is around, not knowing it would have been better if she didn’t come at all.
Please I need advice on what to do because I’m really stressed out and losing weight every day. The whole thing is even affecting the relationship between hubby and I as there is no more happiness. Though I have never disrespected or shown any sign of disappointment to my MIL, I just can’t continue cooking, breastfeeding baby and having sleepless nights all the time. It was way better when I was alone at home. Please what can I do? I have a very good relationship with my hubby’s family, especially my sisters-in-law who all live in Nigeria; only hubby is in the US. I have been praying to God for wisdom. What should I do?
This your MIL, she did not come to look after your baby she is there to enjoy herself. i know she will not do that to her own daughter
Give her time she will adjust ,let ur husband talk to her in a nice way to involve her with the baby .point of correction u should not expect ur mother In law to wash plate after eating or wash ur plate too .if the baby is sleeping in ur bedroom ur mother in law will not be free to come to ur room unless u tell her not to mind .if u ar close to her ( friendly) she will help u with anything be nice to her. Is she a heathy person u should look into that too .am a mother in law ‘n’ I help my daugther in law bath baby wash baby dresses .I don’t let her pile it up for matchen wash .I do it with joy.don’t send her back home what u are eating today she worked for it ,let her enjoy the fruit of her labour take her as ur mother , how old is she enjoy her
Many will give greater file to die out faster. Note them as worse than enemies, They will blame you and suggest what is too late to corrected. Stay calm. Seal up your heart and stop further evil from penetrating your soul. Go with the likes of Ms Eunice advice who speaks from experience. Accord your MIL the respect she deserves and let her go back home honourably without any guilt on your mind. After all she would never have stayed with you forever in your conjugal family therefore it makes no difference if you can lovingly arrange her return to base as the mission is over. Finally take the trouble moments to Jesus Christ who will always bear your burdens. Stay cool and win your battle without shooting an arrow. Next time you are already a hero with experience. God bless you.
Please note and replace the 5th word “file”with “fire”and the 28th word “corrected” with “correct”. Enjoy.
@Philip Ato I so much respect ur advice.If she doesnt want t b misled its better for her to stick to this. Thanx
Hmmm this is really bad! I was going to explode until I read that she is “old and can’t really so much” so if you guys know this from onset why bring her at all? Its obvious age is telling on her so no need trying to blame her over inability to do what is expected of her. You brought this problem upon yourself so the best way to remedy it is to quietly send her back home before she notice your anger.
Good comment!She would have requested that one of her sister in laws comes since she said they rapor well.The mistake is from them.Or better still her mom or relative comes(if the hubby is really understanding).
NO MATTER HOW OLD MAMA IS, MAMA CAN HOLD THE BABY WHILE D LADY DOES ODA TINS, MAMA CAN EVEN HOLD D BABY WHILE SHE WATCHES TV, MAMA DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING PERIOD.
Chinwe you got it all right. The old woman doesnt want to help because she is not her biological daughter. Going by our own custom, it is the mother of the lady who should come for baby sitting (omugwo). But in the absence of her mother, the MIL should not be reminded of her duties in such visit, at least should be happy to carry her grand child. The lady should be patient with her MIL untill she leaves because she is looking for negative stories to tell about her daughter- in- law. She is a home breaker.
Just leave mama alone n look for house maid Co’s no matter what she’s ur mother in-law ok
Is she so old as to travel or too old as to stretch her arms and hold her GRANDCHILD? Mama is simply not ready to help out!! but as the other “grandmother” said she is there to “enjoy the fruit of her labour!!!!
Good comment Angela! My dear, I understand your predicaments with your MIL. and US, UK or Europe is to hard that you can’t get house help and even if you want to you will pay heavily on daily basis or weekly basis.. Send her back to Nigeria as age is really telling on her, Plead with your hubby and arrange for any of her sister to come over and if he refused, still plead to him for your own mother, Sister or your brother’s wife to come an assist you this period. With what you said about him he will be reasonable.
Correct!!! thank you.
My dear, I’ld suggest u sit wit ur MIL and make understand y u brought her to US. Her response/reaction will determine ur next action. Again, if it happens dat u ll have to send her back to Nigeria, den u and ur hubby shld manage d house/baby keeping. I didn’t hear u say ‘ur work’ which makes it a lot easier. Its only for few more months and u ll be fine wit everything.
Congrats on ur new baby, its never easy at d onset,but d joy is everlasting. The Lord is ur strength.
I support the idea. This is exactly what broked my home. Got married Nov 2013 and end 2015 after having my beautiful Daughter and asked MIL to come from Lagos to Ibadan. My Husband doesn’t want to hurt his mother but, ended hurt himself.
Atleast she should carry d baby
Beautiful my dear. . you have just spoken my mind. Since she is old and can not really do much, you should not have brought her in d first place, but since this mistake has been made follow her with calmness and shorten her staying period so that she can happily go back. On your own side, first time mum, her coming has become a blessing in disguise bcos you now discovered you hv an inner strength to do those things she was actually called for. Instead of wasting money on visa for another person, just pick it up from there and before you know it the burden of the house chores will start subsiding. God bless you
It’s a mistake from day one to bring an old woman hoping she can do all that you had in mind. If there was a discussion before she embarked on the journey concerning what she’s coming to do, then i suggest the two of you call her on a tet-a te to remind her why she’s here. So that there won’t be any form of misunderstanding, it’s only your own mother that can feel your pain and help out no matter how old she is.
You will be courting trouble if you do that, what? Giving your mother in law instructions like she is your housemaid?
You both knew she was old before arranging for her to come.l don’t blame the woman because too much stress could raise her bp.When I deliver l was suffering alone and decided to bring my mum to help.After one sleepless night her bp rose,l had to beg her not to be waking up anymore.So my dear leave the old woman abeg and do your thing as if you are alone.Before you know it,it will be over.
God bless u for dat advice, my dear leave her be, see dis time as one of does tough times “they never last if u dont give up u wld” but as for carrying d baby wen u’r busy try putting the baby in her hand respectfully wen u av to do stuffs. Pls do it respectully, u cld try to sit and watch TV wit her for few seconds, make a chit chat wit her, dat open an avenue for u to put d baby in her hands den dissappear to do watever u av to do, pls and pls try to see d bright side of this, assuming u av 2 kids before this newbie arrives wit no help, wldnt u cope? I know it wld be difficult but we women are built tough we can do it, wear ur tick skin gurl and take off ur mind from it for ur health sake course finking about it alone add to ur stress. I wish u many more strentgh to be calm at this trying time of urs, may u come out of this in joy and more wisdom. XOXO!
@Nasir. I love this advice. That period will not last forever. When you “wear ur thick skin..”, it will make u to handle d situation gracefully, u will earn more respect from your hubby and come out of it as a strong woman who could face any challenge in future.
Have u asked ur MIL on d things she can do? But cant she carry a baby? Well, open up to her on some things u want her to do for u.
pls. don’t go to her because if you do, that means you are putting fuel into fire just endure and do what you can i leave the rest for another day. thanks
Hmmm, see what have become of you, looking for help now adding more load,if what she can do is to carry the baby while you do the other stuff. Do what u can and leave the rest…your health is the priority
Let her son tell to assist u in some certain things.
She’s too old nah. You should have invited your own mum or an aunt that you know can help. Sorry poster Nothing you can do oh than to endure. Now you know better your next pregnancy /pregnancies.
Is really sad there is nothing in this earth that will make her treat her own daughter like that.if not for anything she can carry a child and bath a child.even if that is her only duty she carries the child in the day while you sleep.in the night u carry the child and live ur hubby to sleep.but where is ur own mum.and since you are in good times with ur sister in-law why did u sent for the mother. Kindly sent her back before u lose ur marriage. Rather she will start complaining and turn her children against you.I wish ur baby a happy growth.
Jst put it into prayer, for God to touch her cos u may wnt to say tins she does dat u don’t like and she will use it against u.
Some mothers in-laws eh so annoying
you will one day become one
too bad just leave d old woman to rest cos derz nuttin u can do now do d ones u can do n focus more on ur baby d lord is ur strenghth soon it will b over
The both of u seriousely need to talk to than pretending to be nice while u die in silence
hmmmm
It is not easy. Try and sleep well during the day especially when your baby is sleeping. Even if it is 2hrs, it will help you. You can cook and dish your soup and stew in the freezer to reduce the stress of cooking always. If you cant wash plate, buy the fancy disposable plates for yourself and hubby then use the regular plate for your motherinlaw till you regain strength. If you are too tired, rest and dont be a super woman. Ask hubby to encourage your motherinlaw to eat light breakfast in the morning. He can educate her on the benefit of eating oatmeal, gritz, salad, potatoes, boiled or fried eggs, yam or potatoe pottage, wheat bread. Buy waffles, black and green tea, pancake and let her taste. Order pizza and encourage her to eat. Once in a while take mama to chinese and other retaurants so that she can taste something different. God will help you.
Love your reply cos that’s exactly what will help the situation at hand
Best comment yet!!!
I am laughing oooo abeg dont kill me, mama ke, with all these peperenpe you are mentioning, mama is used to fufu, eba casava flour and ofe olugbu and you are suggesting chinezee gini?
Hmmm some MILs are like that, just endure the deed has been done. You sound depressed, I pray for strength for you in Jesus name.
I really feel your pain poster but since u guys know the woman is old u shouldn’t have invited her in the first instance I guess the old woman is dare to enjoy herself and am sure she won’t want to go back to Nigeria quickly. Sorry heenn God wil see u tru
her son would b d best person to tlk to her.
Pls be patient. You and hubby have to find a solution soon
Please once she leaves bring ur mother over or ur sis
Now dat you know she can’t really help bcos of her old age, why not send her back home. Get a nanny or a help dere in d US, who will just come in d morning and leave later in d day if d stress is killing you like dat. Pls dont let ur Mil know youre not happy. Exercise a lil more patience till she leaves. God will help you and give you d wisdom required
So brought ths problem upon yourself knowing she’s old and can’t do nothing….let her prepare her food herself, tell hubby to take her back if he can’t then get another help.
You brought
Just keep managing yourself and God is your strength. ……To your mother Inlaw, show her u have superpowers , don’t be tired …..may God help you
I don’t think she’s too old that she can’t even atleast help you carry ur baby when you want to do other things. I have learnt in life not to depend on anyone so you don’t get hurt if you are disappointed. Plz if you don’t have, buy swing for your baby and put the baby there anytime you want to do anything . Cook.things in bulk and store in the fridge/freezer since you are in the US so it’s all about just warming or making eba. If you can’t do exclusive plus introduce milk. Don’t mind the woman and do as if she’s not there and you will be fine
thank u. there is no way she can be so old not to carry her grandchild at least. and she would have known that she was coming to help with her grandchild. even though I know she might not be that strong to do other house chores but at least a little help and encouragement won’t let her bp blow up. if this was her daughter, she wouldn’t sit and watch her pass through so much stress after a cs. mtcheeew
U guys have already make the mistake of bring are all u need do is to be strong 4 your baby n be nice to are try not to complain 2 ur hubby so as to keep marriage going. My sis not easy to do all that seriously cos am also a victim. God will help u through l will be in d kitchen cooking she will busy watching TV n she do call me whenever my baby is crying I shld come n carry him. Am use to it cos she is not ready 2 leave are son’s house after 2 years . what shld I do.Be strong
The earlier you understand she is old and a mother to your hubby the better for you. Kindly note your husband never told her she ‘s going to be you house help and possibly she travelled for the first time and doesn’t have a good knowledge of technology. In the first place, you connived with your husband to use her instead of going for what you need. Kindly swallow the peel and do the much you can as you politely integrate her into the system. I don’t expect my own child to invite me to her house to become a nanny as I have paid my own dues. There’s no woman that nurtured a baby that didn’t pass through one hardship or the other. Yours is not an exception. Our old mums had already passed through a lot. Forgive me.
its not a nanny thing Ma, it could be done in love. they could have sent for another person but they considered Mama cos they felt she would have this mother care attitude which am sure dat my own mother can comfortably do for her daughter in law.
For the writer, U called for it. You are jst a house wife for now, couldnt You have jst managed knowing hw expensive it would be bring someone over jst to come and add to your work load.
if Mama is not too old to board a flight, then she is not too old to nurse her grandchild while she watches tele.
for the husband and wife, the helper should have come from the woman’s family cos she can freely talk to the person than her MIL.
fINALLY STILL SHOW HER LOVE FOR LOVE CONQUERS ALL THINGS. CARES
U guys have already make the mistake of inviting. are all u need do is to be strong 4 your baby n be nice to are try not to complain 2 much to ur hubby so as to keep ur happy marriage going. My sis it not easy to do all that seriously cos am also a victim. God will help u through l will be in d kitchen cooking she will be busy watching TV n she do call me whenever my baby is crying I shld come n carry him. Am use to it cos she is not ready 2 leave are son’s house after 2 years . what shld I do.Be strong
Inbox me let’s chat or better still inbox me your number and I’ll call you.
some mother inlaws,because no be their own daughter
Did you tell her when she was coming that she would ve coming for omugwo? Or your husband told her to come and rest. This is her first visit to see her son in America and we don’t know whether she has been stressed in Nigeria. Allow her to enjoy herself. Give yourself a time limit and end her holidays. She came for holidays. Next time you are bringing someone, spell out the reasons you are bringing them. Don’t just assume they would know or use their initiative. Goodluck.
Akin, you said it all. I have friends, they don’t open up and expect magic when the old mama comes around
Hmm! I experienced same o. My mum is late so my husband and I agreed to bring his own mother, terrible mistake… She couldn’t do nada, even for herself. I ended up taking care of two babies.. (baby and MIL) and then she refused to go o not until she was asked to come for her pension verification and baby was over 8 months. Now am pregnant again and she’s already planning on coming again.. Soo confused
Nooo. Don’t allow her to come. Once bitten, twice shy…
No matter how old she is she can carry baby
Now try this any time the baby is crying and you need to do other things just carry the baby and say baby meet grandma with a smile and go away from the scene
You can peep from anywhere to be sure nothing band is going on with the baby
Try all you can to engage her in somethings in the house
Then anytime hubby is back
Call her grandma plz can you help with this and that?
Maybe that will remind her she’s here for her grandma duties not eating Eba and ila in the morning.
No such thing as grandma duties. Old ppl are like babies, they need rest and they need to be taken care of not d oda way round. She should hv paid for a nanny rather than expect free services. I personally won’t want to stress my mum who isn’t even old yet xcept she’s willing, talk more of an old person. My mum alwaiz says dt i n my siblings had beta bring a help along too if we bringing our kids for holiday in her house and i agree.
Sorry to ask @ Emi but who took care of ur Mum when she was little? because Mothers enjoy the company of their grandchildren more than anything and dont see it as a stress. If my Mum will ask me to bring a help whenever am bringing my children definitely i wont take them there until she comes to pick them herself. If a woman is going to see her daughter-in-law who just put to bed and more over her first issue with Cs, she should have known dt she is going to work bc dt is y she is going there at the first place and not enjoyment. My Dear, since you know she is old, whenever you want to do something, give her the baby to carry while you work definitely she cant refuse carrying her grandchild but dont expect her to wash d dishes bc it may mean an insult to her culture. And try to do dt with a happy face please.
I experienced exactly the same thing but in my own case it’s my mother not mother in law and she decided to leave after doing nothing for 3 month except bathing the baby only since then my hubby refused to call her she even call cops on us when she didn’t believe we have changed her ticket. Let her go so you can have peace.
My exact experience. My mother turned into a jealous second wife in my husband’s house. Never heard of such. I vowed never to trust anyone. It even caused a lot of trouble for us. Best wishes.
You are a lier. Remember that you have your own mother and brothers with family so retributive justice is sure
Its all your mistake, the woman is old, she is old and can do only little compared to what you really need. You needed someone that can take the stress off you, an old woman certainly cannot be able to do that. Just ask her to help with the things you feel she can be able to do, for all you care she might not even know that she is useless there. Make her useful at least for the things she can so that she doesn’t fall I’ll. Cheers
Hmm…. this is very delicate. You need to tread with caution so as not to spoil the good relationship you have with your inlaws. I think you need to talk to your hubby. Maybe you guys need to get a nanny that will help with the house chores while you care for the baby. Maybe this might touch MIL somehow knowing that was the reason you sent for her in the first place to help. It might incur more cost, but you need to be sane and strong for yourself and the baby. Pls, avoid exploding. She is old but she can carry the baby while you do other things, I am sure that is what she will do for her biological daughter. God will help you dearie, its well.
Some MIL are jst like that I went through the same thng and my MIL is young, I was lucky that she left on her own after some weeks , I’ve lernt my lesson wen the next baby comes I’ve told my hubby I don’t need any help , so my dear just endure by the time ur baby is like 4months the stress wld reduce
My dear you didn’t make any mistake in bringing your mother in law, the issue is that some people are naturally lazy and your MIL is one of the lazy ones notwithstanding her age. At least, she should have tried her little best instead of watching you do everything at home. Again, the serious problem you are having is pretending that everything is alright while you’re dying silently. For me o, I can’t pretend, you shouldn’t have even be bothering yourself to cook different types of Nigerian food like eba and ogbolo in the morning instead of tea and bread with your condition. Whatever you’re having for breakfast, lunch or dinner, give it to her since she’s not ready to assist you with even carrying the baby, after eating say, Mama pls help me wash the plate, at midnight whenever the baby wakes up, don’t wake your husband, wake her up, say, Mama pls hold the baby let me bring her diapers, in the day time, as you’re doing the house chores, handover the baby to her, and say baby baby stay with grandma, bet me, within sometime if she is really the lazy type, and by the time hunger will descend on her, she will beg to go back to Nigeria.
@ Mercy,the best comment I read so far. How can someone say she is old n shld not be expected to do anything. So wen someone puts to bed mothers coming for omugo normally comes to sleep abi? She is old but not too old tofly to the US . Those telling them to get nanny,do you know how buoyant they are if they can afford it,or don’t you know how expensive it is in the US . Firstly poster you are a first time mom,secondly you gave birth thru cs ,you do not need stress @ all not to talk of extra stress ,call ur sis in law n let her know the situation n you people find the best way to tell her to put in a little effort or go home. When she comes for vacation,she can sleep n watch all the TV she wants . God knows I can’t take that even from my own mother not to talk of in law
U and ur hubby must send her back or u’ll start bleeding from ur vagina and ur operation site will open up again for re-stitch it happened to me, but ur hubby was supportive, mine was bad, so u ar lucky, send her back, and be free.
MIL z old so she need some rest but my advice z dat b patients wit her ND let her b, wat if it ur mum wat will u do, just sit her down ND let her knw ur mind wit respect I knw she will undstnd
U guys don’t know how old is d mother inlaw u expect her to wash dishes for her abi,una try well well,I feel her pains also but d truth of d matter b say,she said she is loosing her weight,final,she didn’t do dis,or dat na long story b dat,I can use my own brother wife to give as an example,when she give birth,her mother was d one dat came fist before my mom, is only sleeping d mum was doing,then is self contain d where staying,my brother wife did not complain when her own mum was around, after her mum go,my brother and her decided to bring my mum, mum came after one week she started complaining DAT d house is too small for my mum to stay wit them,she did not complain when her own mother was around o,bcos is not her mother dats is y she complained,so women are always like dat ,if d woman in question now is her own mom will she complain like did , fat No,if u are tired wit her den tell ur husband to send her back.
Your sister inlaw did it does not mean that all women are the same you’re being too judgmental mind you she is not your sister In law and truth be told some sister in-laws are not good so are some mother in-laws in fact 95% of mother in-laws are not good maybe when you get married you will understand what am talking about I JUST PRAY MAKE YOU NO JAM BAD ONE, and moreover the lady had cesarean delivery put yourself in her shoes she is suffering I just pray it does not affect her too much even though she is old caring her grand child should not be a problem she is heartless considering the fact that she is a mother the pains of child birth should have had an effect in her, her case is a small one compare to my own if not for GOD I WOULD have ended my marriage with my husband mother in-laws in your house is another baby in the house am saying this because most of the things you will neva have you will that doing them just to please her but most of the time they are not just satisfied they want to dominate your home don’t get am not referring you your mum but if truly your sister in-law love your brother she will not even dream of such not to talk of putting it in actions . I followed her blindly until my eyes open and I saw that she wasn’t as she seemed I don’t want to go into details cos it hurts and am still healing all because I loved her son and loved her as much cos without her there will be no him I served her even better than a slave would serve her even with all the insults she gave because of the love I would ignore her but there was something she did that stood out she made my hubby to lay his hand on me and I was pregnant them she lied to my hubby for the past two years she’s been in the house I have avoided any thing that would cause us to quarrel but it seems she was headbent on causing trouble that day hubby lied his hand on me tore my clothes all because of the lie his mother told him in my pains I cried to God and told him that except the lady didn’t know what she was doing the baby I had in me would not allow her to carry him and I made my late year to new year resolutions because this incident happened November 2014, 2015 that my hubby will never hit me again because of her so the only time we communicated was when I see her in the mornings, when I got her water ready to bath and when I give her, her food I gave birth in MAY 2015 any time she carries the baby he cries to cut the story short she died last year NOWEMBER 2015 which was the same time the incident happened the previous year . I told God you know I have nobody to run to no father and my mother is as holy as a saint she will not fight for me instead she would support them because she believes that every body is holy and that is fault she has till tomorrow she is too trusting . Even my father in law pleaded with my hubby not to allow her come to our house because they know the kind of person she is, even at her death am still missing her I had Never expected her to die because she was the one with me at home I miss her quarrels
I do not accept wat you people are saying about being old is not making her work. An old woman can carry a baby and she can even make eba all by herself without passing through any stress. Even changing a baby’s diaper is nothing that can cause stress. I’m going to advice you to send her back home instead of taking care two babies at a time. you can also employ a help to make things work out for you. the lord is your strength
Please open up to your mil,let her know the reason she was ask to come down:to help out and not to add more stress.If not able then process her going back period. Don’t use Your hand to carry the firewood that gives you smoke.
My MIL is 68yrs old,she is no longer very strong due to I’ll health but she is so fund of her grand children,she baths my baby,hold him when am cooking or doing other chores,most times she would even want to cook so that I can rest.Most night ,she’s the one that takes care of baby .She can never bear to see me stress out,she goes out of her to make me happy so I think your MIL is deliberately doing that.
my dear all I can tell u is just be prayerful and be strong encourage ur self with this word all the tym that 100years is not for ever and tell ur self u can do it. u did not even see anything if I tell u my own experience u will be shock u said something dat u and ur hubby are not happy like before again pls be careful so that ur hubby will not hate u because of his mum me I have seen a lot.my sis don’t let her create a big gap between u ad hubby pls pls be very prayerful and strong for ur baby.
How long does “omugwo” lasts? As soon as it about ending, Mama should prepare and leave immediately, even one more day should not be added. She has failed her first common entrance examination, and for this singular act, she is disqualified for life, no more. “omugwo ” in USA samsam !!!
No matter how old yr MIL is, she can help if she WANTS to. I personally feel you cos its not easy at all. Taking care of a new born, yr hubby and an extra person. It’s not easy at all. talk to your hubby with wisdom mama has to leave or you get a nanny. Yr health and well being is important. This is yr first baby and you have to be happy when breast feeding. Yr baby can feel you. The Lord strengthen you. Ndo
Na wa o most mil see their daughter in law as slave dey know Wat t
o do but decide to be mean well be patient bc bf u know it her time to leave ll come
My dear your case is very much like what i experienced. I am almost 40 years married. For starters you need to focus on Jesus and pray constantly. Next u need to be very wise and diplomatic. If u can , stop the exclusive breast feeding to save some strength. Do not report MIL to your husband ever again but allow situations to play out before him without your interference. Get as much rest as u can for baby needs u alive. Do the bit u can and leave the rest to God. In view of your present situation, things do not have to be perfect. Everyone must make do but do not be insultive to anyone . Play dumb and do not complain to anyone but God. You will laugh last. Be assured of my prayers
There’s always a solution to every problem.cook in bulk n teach ur MIL how to warm her food.sleep wenever baby sleeps n pls.wenever ur busy in d day and ur MIL is watching TV give her d baby to carry..she won’t say no.some babies need food to rest ..I sugest u introduce formula at night and water too.once a week tell ur MIL to help with d baby at night.ask politely. It wil soon be over.
You made a mistake from the on set. Sorry to ask, is your mom alive? I have learnt some truths over the little years I have been married……MIL can never replace ones Mom, it’s the fact. My MIL and I are good but there are things only my mom can withstand for me. The harm has been done just take it easy, you can make it through. Forget she is around and just take care of unselfish and family.
I agree with you
All I can say is that, do what you can do and leave the rest, may be even before you told her that she will be joining you in abroad, she has have it @ the back of her mind that she is coming to enjoy and not to help, so if are tired of cooking your food and have to cook her own separate, then do yours and if she feel she is hungry she should cook what she prefer or she stay with what you cook, @ least she cook for herself back there @ home.
Let her know your health status, and d effect of stress on ur health, discuss it with her with a cheerful face, she will b the one 2 bring up a better solution which will b of ur favour.
You are only a nagging fool, You can’t succeed in making the whole world believe every shit You ve said are true even so saying that there couldn’t be mother and son talk as to what the aim of her coming to US is “OMUGWO”. You re a Liar, and everyone who ve commented in your favour on this blog are your type. “PUNK ASS BITCHES.
Isi o dikwa Sir gi mma are you insane?
I pray d lord will strengthen u, just do d little u can and take a rest,u migth think u are strong but no u are not,most inlaws are like dat even d sister inlaws do such. I am presently a victim even wit my two sis inlaws wit me they were useless so their bro sent them back.
It is well my sis.dnt let it cause a misunderstanding btw u and ur hubby.introduce formula to ur baby,stop making eba and ogbono in d moni,let her eat what others are eating.
my dear u made a mistake by bringing her u should have go in for ur mum bcos it happened to me when my MIL came to my house she can’t even hold my baby for 5mins she keep demanding different type of food she will eat so my dear please de best thing is let her go bfor she bring more problems to u and pray to God to give u more strength to do ur domestic work
i was in same shoe too, though dont live abroad . you may need to rest for a while ,mine was over seven months. until i made a change of attitude so much that she and her son can work out things.i made my hubby feel same way i feel.when baby cries i ensure he wakes to carry the child since mama wont have bp then i am still too young to be dead for the sake of my own family especially my sick dad. so talk it over with your hubby or act quietly until he sees reasons with you.its your hubby responsibility to handle it.
please oh oooo am feeling bad that mama can not help but dont just send her back, she deserve to enjoy with her son that she labour same way you are labouring now. she told did so in her own time. please since mama is there already allow her to reap the fruit of her labour and look for care givers there in US to care for everyone even mama. God just allow you people to carry mama to be with her grandchild so nobody should disturb mama peace in US.
In the first place it was wrong for you and your hubby to invite his mother to come for omugwo as it called here in Nigeria. That role is for your own mother who would have seen it as her duty to her own child. As it is now your mother in law sees her visit as a pleasure visit to her son who is supposed to pamper her. All you and your hubby need to do is to subtly talk to her if possible jokingly if she has conscience, she will adjust if she doesn’t send her back home after all her stay is not till eternity.
pls dear just do the once u can do and leave the rest thank God dat ur hubby is understanding man at least he do help u. just leave mama.
My dear u dont disturb yourself, u guys should just look for a way to trick grand ma and send her back to nigeria
Hmmmm. sooo touching and i tell u sis hv bin der. mine was as bad as d fact dat i had tripplet. pls kip pushing u overcome dats y u ar a woman. but try and fasten d return of ur MIL cos she not ready to do anyrin and will become a burden to u cos u hv to feed her as well lyk u hv anoder baby added to ur babies cos ur hubby and child are 2babies first. naw u hv to b strong for ur child pls do dis
leave all ous shores for naw
feed ur baby wen she sleeps get a nap too @ 3month she wud pass d sleepness nyt stage
send mama back with wisdom
wen u wake up in morning take a tin cup of garri or half soaked in a bowl of water drink it all b4 u tink of prep a meal
Get cadbury hot chocolate and drink
get a joint were good pepper soup is prepared order for it and drink wit pap
all d best
I don’t get people claiming old age made her not to help. She is just a lazy selfish old woman. I was in exact same shoes when I had my first. My mum who is older than my mil had arthritis and could barely walk and hold stuff yet the joy of holding my kid was enough motivation to get her moving. She would sing and pamper my kid till morning and still make me hot pepper soup. For my mil I would have to set everything to bath the baby, cook n set her table, clean and wash then still went to work ie aft my mat leave. Get back through driving in lasgidi traffic n come n make her dinner. It was hell. Yet she ll nag that I don’t do exclusive. I had to tell hubby to warn her about challenging how I take care of my baby when she won’t support to give me time to properly breastfeed. My daughter sensed my frustration when feeding her so d poor baby started rejecting my milk so even at 2 months she quit totally on her own. I felt a lot better when she left and I quit my bank job to focus on my kid. When I had my second and she came around, I will just set stuff for her to bath the kid, I ll bath my daughter and send her off to school then I go into my room to sleep after informing her everything is in the fridge and freezer so she can make anything she wants. I would ask her if she wanted any particular food stuff stock up for her but I did not go out of my way to prepare anything for her. The days I felt up to it I would cook and serve, otherwise na siddon look o. My hubby supported me all the way and that gave me a boost. No disrespectful thing sha just that I refused to stress myself more than necessary cos I was prone to hbp too. So my dear, arrange your kitchen n point her to where to help herself politely. If she refuses to was plates, leave it there. She go chop the next meal abi. When all the plates pile up you two will sit and watch each other.
My mum still in her condition helps even young women in her church to cater to their new borns. Some mothers n mil are just inconsiderate. And they ll be the ones pressuring you to give them more grandkids… No time, be smart. You didn’t make any wrong decision in asking her to come over…she is just lazy and not nice
pls be strong and always pray to GOD intervention, she is a wicked MIL do’t exchange word with her let her be, it is your hubby duty to talk to her.Try and ignore her and try and eat whenever u cook.my dear drink a lot of water or Milo,pepper soup, milk will come out of ur breast enough for d baby to suck which will make d baby to sleep for a longer period.Then u will have time to cook and sleep as well. l am a mother of four no house help or help from my mum or my mother inlaw i do everything myself till today,pls try and time urself, and remember pray to GOD always for straight and endurance This my number if u need more advise-08038951581 and my name Festanna.
Woman, stop complaining and accommodate her.Such has been the complaint of you women.Have it at the back of your mind that she will not going back to Nigeria because of you and your stupid fault finding complaints
who says you must comment?
She’s not doing that bcoz she’s your MIL- that’s her and she’d be her even with her own daughter. Now, she’s already there. Sending her back suddenly na serious gbege oh. Ehn? Obodo oyibo omugwo na im you wan truncate? I no fit shout. The ripples will never end. Others reading this will learn from your story, hopefully. For you, STOP the excessive work. Postnatal depression is real and wicked. You know, some people feel a woman should be super strong two months after delivery but it’s not true. She may be thinking so too. The only way I see out for you now is GET PAID HELP. Do it quickly too.
No matter how old mama is she should be able to hold d baby while u do d house chore wen I had my twins my mother in law spent 5months wit us nd she was very helpful so if she want to help she can u can’t do anything rather its left for hubby to talk to her nd if there is any of her daughters dat she like listens to ur hubby shd call nd complain to her to also talk to her but if after talking to her she still continue like dat u send her back moreover she came for omgwo nd it can end at anytime.
My dear if she can’t help you my sister help urself afterall you are now a mother. isolate her
Discuss the issue with your husband to the point of conclusion and please let your conclusion be to quietly send her back home. You can really blame her because if you guys have asked about what she can do in takin care of a baby before it might not be dis way. So send her back before your die of stress.
well its nice reading this am also a female I believe if the woman don’t have mother in law or mother she will survive she should stop been lazy herself and stand up to her responsibilities. And if she insist needing assistance in regard the baby talk to the mother in law to help stop seeing her as your mother in law but your mother. All mother’s are not the same
Good advice for her there. She should just be strong as I am here
I pray for strength from above to come upon you to do all this things
and pls don’t confront your mother-in-law about anything just ask God for one thing and he will do it for you pls don’t also tell you hubby to ask the mother to help you do anything or sent her back pls just try your best and the Lord Jesus Christ will support by sending a help mate else were for you.
thanks
What I think you can do is make the soups and freeze in small packs so it’s easy for you to remove, De freeze and serve mama pending when you can use wayo and bring her back . The purpose Of the visit has been defeated. She can come for holidays but not omugo.
Are u telling me mama did not know what she has come to do. My dear u have to b careful because she is their to destroy your home. Wen I gave birth to my baby my MIL brought a little girl and a boy from their family with her,I work so hard as if I want to die. the children will wakeup by 7am and say they are hungry. they dont know how to sweep or wash d dishes,they don’t put on their sleepers outside and dirty d house with their dirty legs. but I endured till they left but will not allow it d second time. I dat just delivered dat need to rest to regain all lost blood.
Get a maid to help you before you kill yourself and leave your MIL out of it bcos she is not there to help
Too old ke? But she was strong enough to make the long strip from Naija to US that is over 12hrs trip? I know of friends that have experienced same . Quietly send her back to Naija before you have mental issues. Being a new mum is very exhausting
My dear daughter be patient with mother in law it will surely come to pass and you will share the testimony .You said it all she is old and cannot do much God bless you
My take on this, the mother in law’s presence should be endured, after all she won’t live with them forever, it is patience that has a life span as my people will say. The wife should start getting used to life abroad, its an OYO (on your own) kind of life. On a personal note, I had three children abroad through C-section too and I coped with no partner or relative, hubby was in Nigeria and would only come on short visits. She will surely cope, no wife can win any battle with their in-laws in Nigerian context, if it appears the husband supports you from the beginning, he will eventually jump ship to the other side, so tread carefully.
Your husband needs to have a heart to heart discussion with her. This motherinlaw is most likely from my area. That is all they do: bathe the baby and eat well. Miraculously, my mum isn’t like that! I’ve seen her wash her daughters in law’s clothes and cook for them!
Have a good talk, not fight please, with your hubby. Tell him you love the mum but that she is now an additional burden to you. He will call her and explain to her, probably lying prostrate on the ground. If this isn’t done soon, this could crack your peaceful home. I wish you peace.
She should exercise patience and parcel her back home without further bad feelings.
hmmmmmm this is serious o I feel MIL don’t want to help but pls take it easy with her. I understand how you feel because I have baby thru CS too so I know what it takes. but my MIL is very supportive caring and neat in fact I love her for that. she don’t let me carried the baby she will bath for the baby, after breastfeeding her she will tell me to back to bed. am even begging her to let me work small, she is the one that taught my hubby to be supportive. she is 68 and she is educative. your MIL is a lazy woman she knows what is right but vow not to do it. just leave her and do what you feel you can do don’t force yourself to please anybody for your health and baby sake and don’t give rooms for depression so that you won’t wound yourself. you don’t make mistake in bringing her to Us at all she is the one that disappoint herself. don’t let it affect you and your hubby soon you will get over it
If you don’t want to die young and make your baby motherless (because accumulated stress can lead to so many health problems) the only solution is to send her home as soon as possible.
i had an exact experience. itz sheer wickedness on d.milz.part. if i put baby besyd her, she leaves there. if d baby cries she neva touches or asks wotz d mata n being d first child i was inexperienced yet i was left wt all d chores at home but if my husbnd koms bak frm work, bfor i carry anythg shez already there to do it as if shez bn up n doing since morng making his son think av been restg all day. eventually my mil dented my image wt her other children and there was nothg i cld so as i never opend up to any of them n pretended lyk all was well wheneva they came visitg.my so called supportive husbnd later joind d d league n made my life a living hell . i almost ran mad. my dear, if going out of ur way to cater for an older baby wil deny u of ur health pls cook only woteva is convinient for u. afterall u can not do beyong ur capacity. the day i knelt down to talk issues out with my mil n c me as her daughter cuz i needed help was d day she told my husbnd dat i insulted her. she single handedly caused quarrel alot of tymz dat my husbnd beat me for d first tym n she didnt make any attempt to stop her son instead she refused my food for days. i cant even advise u to force her to carry ur baby. wot if she hurts him. strap ur baby on ur back. aint u frm naija? jst pray pray pray and somthg will hapn she wil carry her bags herself n leave but dnt b rude to her in anyway cuz u wil also bkom a mil some day. goodluck
the main point is that the woman is not ready to work. after all she’s not to wash clothes. not to cook. just for her to carry the baby, wts d stress there. 2ndly, maybe she don’t like the wife rite from onset pretending like everything is fine. in fact is old woman that loves kids most.. u AF no optn Dan to kip enduring. may God gif u d strent.
Get someone who is your relatives and not your mother to come over to you so that she can help you. Discuss it with your husband, thanks
Take her to a head shrieked for evaluation!
Pls, go and get a nanny fast because from the way you sound, you are depressed already. Same happened to me even though my mum was helping me out but not getting enough sleep plus accumulated stress got me into full depression.it lasted for about 2weeks. Pls ignore your MIL. Pls try and get enough sleep. Yes sleep.once you are asleep, let some one attend to the baby.I feel your pain, you will get better with time
I experienced same from my MIL too but she carries d baby 4 me but didn’t do anything to assist me from day 1 DT I gave birth & my hubby too refused to help me so DT mama will not think av used his head, but thank God we were able to discharged her after 2 weeks, we told her am to resume back to work & I will av to carry my baby with me so she doesn’t av anything to say she’s doing for me @ home while am @ work, u too can talk to ur hubby & let ur hubby tell her u are travelling to other state where ur aunty is or u are resuming back to work & mama can’t stay alone @ home so she needs to go back to Nigeria. lobatan
Whatever happens, don’t complain about your MIL to her son (your husband ) or ANY of his siblings or relatives ever, because it may come back to ruin your marital relationship. At this point, you have to be patient, take things easy; don’t cook anything stressful. Ask your husband to get the ready-to-serve Nigerian soups from food vendors . Deliberately cut out any stressor and relax your body and mind. Pray well for wisdom and listen to your Inner guidance. The more silent, the better. You can win a lot more in prayerful silence than with confrontation. Patience will make time pass quickly. Play soothing music while you work so your mind can relax. Maintain and improve the good relationship with your husband, very very very important. Enlist the help of friends, church members, paid nanny; everything is for a short while. Plan ahead to reduce stress. And if you need to, check into the hospital, don’t wait till you break down (if you do you’ll realise that life WILL continue and she will ‘manage’ bread and tea or cereals or whatever goes for breakfast ).
Bond well with your baby, give quality time to feeding the baby in the quietness of your room. You MUST take time to rest also.
Above all, just bid your time, it will pass quickly enough.
Communication is the best key here, always tell ur MIL anytime u need her help & always use the word please but if she refuse, leave her & do what u can bcoz ur health and the baby is the primary aim here. don’t kill urself by over doing work, ur BP can also rise. God will see you through.
Frankly speaking. This is the truth as posted. She should examine herself if she has not been the lazy type herself. The old woman has come to claim her right from her son given that opportunity. She just have to be patient and ignore all her mil shortcomings else she’ll incur the wrath of all her sisters in law and before she knows it her hubby too will be infected. It will soon be over. This will teach her a lesson for the next time. So let her endure. God will see her throgh.
U shouldn’t have brought her in the first place but the deed has been done. just stay calm with her and wait until her visa expires then she comes back home.
It happened to me when I had my baby,my mum was late and I needed companion so I asked my hubby to send for the mum,we have been closed(I and MIL) but Isaw a different person. She was bathing the baby when she came and sometime she said her waist was paining her and she couldn’t bath the baby again and so many other things like not cooking,after complaining to my hubby,I decided to ignore her. I make her food before going to work when I resumed and my Bp increased while Iwas pregnant so instead of it coming down, it was still there. So I decided to ignore
Her and do everything with love and be happy until she goes so that I will be happy and it worked for me. When she was going, I bought things for her and she was surprised and was thanking me but I made up my mind that she won’t come again. Try it. It worked for me.
Is disturbing to see the mind set of a beloved son so u want ur own mum to be a baby sitter that was d reason u brought her to the US? That is shameful to say d list. Are u saying under normal circumstances u would have allowed her to stay in naija and don’t enjoy d remain of her life or spend time with u and d family for a while..that is pure selfish. Ok u want to work her to death just cos Of ur own need? That is crazy leave d woman alone to enjoy her hard work care and love she has planted. No matter what u guys give her nw that will be enough to pay her for what she has done.let her be! go get a baby sitter. for what my mum to be our baby sitter or ur baby sitter. If she want to do that it should be from her own free will not by demand.
My dear,learn to live as if there is was nobody to help you from the onset because if you are not careful of this matter it might get out off hand. And you say she is old so don’t just bother yourself.Adjust your life and let God do the rest
My dear, decision to use your mum in law for house help is very wrong and fruitless. If you wanted a helper, you would have gone for a young person, either a relative preferably from your side or hired. If you invite your mum in law, it is to come and rest, highest she can do is to help you hold baby as you work. Have you forgotten there was a time she was like you with small children. How do you expect her to go back to that stage of life. When then do you want her to rest and enjoy life. Beside, you said she is old. You and your husband have made the mistake of bringing her as house help instead of normal omugo every mother usually go. Hire a help and treat mama as a queen if you wish to be treated like one in your old age. Good luck!!!
Good and godly advice!!!!
The mother and daughter in -law relationship is a delicate one.I thank God you haven’t shown any sign of disrespect and I pray you don’t. Your husband should try talking to her and should be careful with the words he uses.If he has a trusted brother in Nigeria he can confide in him too. Above all pray earnestly and never leave a loop hole for the devil to come into your home .God bless you.
My MIl will cook, wash and do anything for me. Infact, if she is the one she will take over the baby and you will(the wife) will become jealous! My advice is, first, try and tolerate the MIL. I know from experience that she won’t spend more than six months. Don’t bother to extend her stay at all. Secondly if you can’t tolerate her, especially because of your health, please go on a short vacation with your baby so you can get enough rest. I assure you by the time you come back, your husband would have sorted his mama out. Don’t give the impression that you are leaving the house or running away because of mama. Your health comes first.
Please dear sister, don’t underestimate the power of prayer and faith. Pray that your baby will be peaceful pray for help and understanding. Treat your MIL with respect. Ignore the fact that she is your MIL, treat her like your first child . See the situation as if you now have two children. Pray that God will touch her heart too. And please complain less about her to your husband if you don’t want your marriage to be strained. When your baby is sleeping, you too sleep. That way you will be able to rest a little. Introduce formula if you can’t cope with the exclusive thing. Don’t see your MIL as if she has any obligation whatsoever to you. Do your best and I bet God will show you what he can do. When I had my first baby, my mum came because I was in school and did everything for me and my baby was on exclusive. My dad became sick and she had to return, my mother in law came and was not bathing my baby in a way that I couldn’t withstand. She wants me to do things her own way so I prayed and what I saw was that though she didn’t change but I stopped getting angry and we got along better. I know God can perform miracle in your own situation too. Amen
I wish you are still anxious and not fail to read, but understand and apply this. It is time to grow up, lady. You have to get your mother in-lawin-law to do your bidding and happily too. Ever heard that if you want to change another, change something about yourself. Example is, a very cute and forward going baby may never come to you until you bend to, smile and warm up to it. Change your view of the situation. And you MIL will become your maid, no matter how old. How? Warm up to her to get her to always want to take her grand child from you, even when you don’t want her to. Begin by making her believe you see her as a very loving MIL, the sweetest mother the whole world over. Sweet mum, you will hold your child while I do this or that or, bla, bla, bla. You have to be genuine about it. If you fake it she’ll know. That is the call of duty. Remember, …. When duty calls or danger, be never wanting there…. Says ancient & modern hymn no ???? of those old school days. That is growing up, lady. Because you won and retained your hubby, i know you get my drift, and won’t fail. You are to become the best daughter inlaw. The last mistake you will ever make is to encourage her leaving, let alone replacing her. PLEASE, DON’T COURT THAT TROUBLE.
U really tried,I pray dt God will give u enough strenght to take care of ur baby n do d house chores.
Only on taking care of the baby you guys remember to invite her to abroad…she knw what she’s doing
My dear you should have look for young person that will have do that for you not an old woman ,just forget about her , God is your straight ok
Let’s talk solutions. Ur life is hanging in d balance. Accept d reality: ur mil can’t help u. Only ur hubby can. Don’t say anything negative about mama. Let ur hubby know dat mama is trying sha, considering her age. Action speaks louder than words. By d time ur hubby notices that things are growing from bad to worse, body go tell am. Create ur comfort zone in ur room n let everything else deteriorate. Let d kitchen stink, d house unkempt, even exaggerate ur health condition. call or send ur hubby a text message and check into d same hospital dat has ur medical history. Tell d doctor or a close nurse ur problem. Ask dem to cooperate wit u. They will give ur baby professional post natal care. Go on bed rest and Let d game begin. Don’t play wit ur life n dat of ur baby. Yet don’t quarrel wit anybody. If mama comes to greet u, tell her u missed her. U might be shocked to find she ll just announce her returning back to naija.
Dear poster all u need to do is to follow my advice if u care: whatever u cook in d morning everybody will eat it same thing with afternoon n evening. lf she is not satisfy with what u give her, tell her politely to serve herself whatever she want, if she can’t cope with it she will ask her son to send her back. once yr baby sleep follow n sleep, don’t insult yr mil n yr hubby, do what u can for d day n leave d rest for anoda day. I assure u everything will be fyn.make sure u don’t insult her.
U should Just remember u we b come same as MIL to someone
take it as ur mother and talk her as mum 1on1 so dat it we not bounce on u
bcos u are d only 1 we hired.
May God be wit u
I think baby do disturb within the period of a day to three months old after all 3months is almost gone, be Patience count down, day in day out, 90days will be bygone and everything will come to normal
thx
Dear Sister I suggest you discuss this issue and your feelings about this with your husband first, let your husband be the one to talk to his mother. She will listen to her son and will like to readjust. I don’t think is age issue. Her son should remind her why they invited her over. Cheer up! this will workout. And don’t forget to relate with her the way you relate with your own mum so that she can be comfortable in that house
No one like ur biological mama oh. Leave MIL alone to enjoy oh. Because that was her intention before coming.
The pressure is Even more since u had a C section. My dear draw a time table for urself. Speak to ur hubby and tell him to ask and plead with his mum to atlist hold the baby. While u do the little u can. Make ur Mil soup/food in quantoms an store in the fridge that way u won’t be cooking as thou u own a restaurant. plus pray for Patience… The old woman won’t stay forever is gonna be ok sooonest..
Wisdom is expensive bt easy to get, tactically arrange for short vacation around yr community and tell her that u ve to leave for seminar out side d state and that she has to go back to Nigeria with yr husband permission of course. Or plan it out peacefully.
My dear mother I know ur strong , u can do you can be patience , you can help ur self you can also continue in good relationship wt everyone , overlook ur mil, she knows what she’s doing , ok dnt let her spoil what uve built please, Prayer and endurance is the key
I really apprecite ur level of maturity desplayed so far.I pray that God’s grace will sustain u dis important season and may Jehovah keep ur families united.I suggest u leave ur mother-in-law,inlaws & sisters out of this issue.Please try to convince ur husband to get u a maid or house-help if possible in the state.And about ur mother-in-law,u ve to endure her a little more time,she is old like u said.She is not going to live with u forever.
My dear don’t listen to negative conments. Cook once a day! Buy things you can easily eat for yourself only because u will be hungry frequently.Quaker oats,tea beverage,pap,drink fluids to regain ur strength cook only wat will not take ur time .don’t struggle to please anyone.Ur marital happiness is more important than anything.Let her bath and hold baby.use disposable plates
Mama is every every wicked. She did not come too help out. She came 2 enjoy r self. She is just heartlet. Pls my dear have patience. Talk 2 ur hubby 2 try nd send her back home. So u can have rest of mine. Take care of ur baby.
please if your MIl can’t really help. I will can held the family for now. my number
08135242053
Dear work as if u are alone. See her help as if it is making u a lazy mother,
Let maama go back to naija biko, before you die. Try manage ur baby. CS is not a small surgery. from ur explanation, she is extra burden. You have spent money fine, but ur health is more important. Let mama go back home, remove sentiments, PERIOD!!!!
U hv tried by not letting out ur anger yet. But for d safety of ur health @ cs, u really need adequate rest. Its just explicit dt d old woman doesnt want to help u.U don’t need to complain to hubby and relatives to prevent misunderstanding and using such against u in order situations. There is a medical condition called puerperial psychosis which can also manifest wt depression post natally.I will suggest u visit d hospital u did ante natal care and delivered- explain d whole situation and feelings to ur doctor. B4 then u must hv told family people and hubby dt uvare experiencing uneasy psychological symptom like headache, uneasiness and others. I’m sure d Mgt of d HOSP will b glad to gv u d necessary professional suppo rt as u need such as admitting u in HOSP where u will hv enof rest. Since u r good wt light foods and good rnship wt hubby, it won’t be hard to cope there for whatever duration of rest u need there. Then if mama stays for more than a WK wtout seeing who to foment at home and cannot stand out to prepare food 4 herself as u won’t be there to cook Nigerian delicacies for her, she won’t waist time demanding to travel bk home. Just be diplomatic and ask God for wisdom. Ur health, baby and hubby is d most important. May God c u thru. Tk k.
pls send her back home, because she’s just a liability on you and look for a nanny over there.
Dear Poster, u hv already seen her as an old woman and also a thorn that’s why she is just quiet watching u. Its obvious, u didn’t receive her as a MIL rather as a house help. Dat woman is a good MIL, if not u would hv heard her voice and seen her actions. Every mother in law enjoys carrying her Grand child. U don’t carry her along. See, I know of a mother dat just returned fro omugwo from US dat didn’t enter the kitchen for once despite d fact dat her daughter had a c section. Do u know dat her daughter was cooking all through but when the daughters mother in law came she started taking gud care of the baby and also started cooking for d daughter. When d mother heard about it she started giving her daughter wrong counselling to send her MIL home. Instead of the girl to use her brain she started being wicked to the MIL, rushing to bath d baby early b4 d MIL wakes up, giving her food late, asking her not to eat from sweeter bread and reporting dat her MIL doesn’t do anything,a widow dat trained ur husband up to where he is now. No no no I cnt take it.
See welcome ur MIL and make her comfortable in ur house, u will be surprised to see how happy all of u will be.
Take a house help if u r working or think u need one and make ur MIL happy in ur home, so she can bless u from d bottom of her heart. U know dat ur hobby spent a lot of money to bring her but u dnt know dat she sacrificed more bring him up. Peace! One love when I had my first baby my mum and my sister in law and it was all great.
my sister, its better you send her back because she is of no use to u. don’t mind the amount you guys spent on her visa your happiness an
ur marriage matters most. Get a nanny or a house help to help u out or else you will continue suffering in silence. it’s obvious she is only there to enjoy america. my dear help urself help ur marriage or else u an ur husband will continue to live like strangers as long as she is in ur house.
you have to be strong for yourself and your child without the help of any other person except God. I had Cs twice of my 2 boys(children). for each child birth, my MIL spent 2weeks with me and my mum spent 3 weeks with me. I believe this weeks is not even up to your time spent alone with your own hubby support before he got a .more demanding job and before your MIL came around. after then I started doing everything one at a time, slow and steady till I was stronger and the baby is growing. My dear writer you just have to be strong for the sake of family peace, God will help you and your baby.
Mom u r just 1ndaful, tnx for dis advise u r indeed a mother & God wil bless u 4 real.
Pls I want us to consider mama’s age, if she is old n d baby is big she might not b able to help. My sista in law made d same complain abt my grandma n I told her DAT she is old. she can’t walk much n she complains of Body pain all the time so its impossible for her to carry her baby, even when she tries to carry her baby on her leg she complains abt her knees. So try to undastand. Just try to get some sleep whenever ur baby is sleep.
see dear, i undastnd ur plight but looking at it from this view, its heart wrenching… your MIL showed at least show some care, nt necessarily mean she should do eveyfin, buh a lil care would do….even pampering the toddler would do…..from wat i see here, she cares less abouh you….u didnt tell ha she should come ova to work and of course u cnt tell ha dat, buh seeing ha grandchild is sumfin to b happy about.
she is old, feeble, complains of dis and dat, of course she cant do d house chores, buh ha presences shud lessens fins nt puttin a burden.. u shud talk to ha nt on d bases pf washing plates, cleanin d house and all dat. jst talk to ha calmly, u culd even cuddle ha, rest on ha jokingly and watch ha expression, if she shuns u, den dats an attitude, buh if she is been remorseful den no p.. from dere she cn start unfolding and u wil see reasons….. jst b strong…all of ur help cometh from d lord….tnks
My dear, it’s a simple issue. Talk to your hubby and let mama go back to Nigeria. Let her know that you guys just wanted her to visit the US. Don’t reason the money spent in bringing her, let her go before you develop BP
All I can say is that what you are going through serves you right. You must have troubled your hubby so much to have accepted to take your MIL to US to help you (supposedly). In the first place, you should have known that a typical MIL wont do much for you (unless very good ones). Secondly, you did not tell us your behaviour/relationship with your MIL. Are you very cordial with each other? Thirdly, you know that she was old and may not do much, yet you chose her. Did you not envisage this? Fourthly, you are not working, as you told us. So why could you not cope with taking care of yourself, your baby and hubby? Now you have additional compulsory responsibility that you invited.
My advice is wake up to your responsibilities. What you are going through now will only make you stronger and a better wife. Stop complaining and crying. You are in US so don’t expect help from anyone. Help yourself. Treat your MIL well to the best of your ability and keep praying to Hod for a solution. If she leaves grudgingly and prematurely, you are in for more troubles. Be wise and friendly in relating with your MIL. Treat her as your mum and you will see that she will change for the better. Even if she does not change, you change your attitude and do your things as if she was not there to help you in the first place.
my dear, there is something i would want you to understand, its not all mothers that knows how to do( omugwo)..i.e taking care of babies… my MIL came when i had my 1st son to do omugwo and she was really a mothercuz she really releived me but when it was my mum turn, she couldnt even do it well. i did not blame her. she is not used to doing such such cuz during our time of being a baby, it was my grandma that nurtured us. please my dear sister, ur MIL is not coming to stay forever, accept her for who she is now and have the believe she is an elderly person that need to be taken care of and dedicate more time for your child. Pray for strength and it will come to pass. Dont do anything to hurt ur MIL and don’t always complain about her in ur hubby presence and it will always make him feel bad. show love to all. your husband, baby and mother in law. The Lord is your strength
Dear poster, You have to be strong for yourself you are the mother of your child so bear it ,is just for few months that is the joy of motherhood. Your MIL can not do everything for you even if she is not old you expect her to wash plate that bad. Let me tell you the truth it may hurt you, your relationship with her is not good that why she is behaving like that no mother will see her grandchild and not carry him. Work on yourself be strong don’t be lazy there are women her too who have the same case like you and still they do things at home infact some husband don’t care but yours do. Be strong for your child the Lord is your strength.
My dear, it better to have a word with your hubby so that she can go back home since she is of no use in the house before your marriage becomes a history,you are not her biological daughter so you won’t get what you what from her,some mil are like that,mine was not like that because she cooks for me after bathing the baby. For house chores, do the ones you can for the day,rest and continue tomorrow ok,God is your strength,it’s always difficult the first time. please dont disrespect your mil because you will become one someday.
My dear, congrats on ur new baby!
Please before we go further, get this “ur mother inlaw will never treat u like ur own mother”. And I say this from no bias. I actually have a very loving mother inlaw and she genuinely cares for me and my kids. But whenever I have my babies, I prefer my mother. Because my mother will bath the baby, bath me, cook for me, help feed baby, wake up at night… It is always bliss!
Your first mistake was in knowing mama was old and bringing her expecting miracles. Your second will be confronting her about it. For the love of God PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! If anyone should confront her, let it be her son.
What you can do is organise urself. Make soups in large quantity and freeze them in bowls. Heat up for her each morning. For ur baby, get into a rhythm. Use a breast pump, express feeds and have ur hubby hand to mama to help feed. She’ll bond with the child and want to do more. For u the expressed milk will help the child eat more and sleep longer. When he sleeps, make sure u eat and sleep too. U need ur energy levels up.
Next, change ur attitude. Don’t see it as “mama doesn’t want to help” but maybe she doesn’t know where to come in. Lovingly guide her. And once u view her actions from a place of love, u won’t feel bad. Please don’t quarrel with ur mother inlaw or ur husband over this. Your sisters inlaw will never forgive u. And u’re in that marriage for life! All d best dear!
My dear, congrats on ur new baby!
Please before we go further, get this “ur mother inlaw will never treat u like ur own mother”. And I say this from no bias. I actually have a very loving mother inlaw and she genuinely cares for me and my kids. But whenever I have my babies, I prefer my mother. Because my mother will bath the baby, bath me, cook for me, help feed baby, wake up at night… It is always bliss! But that’s me. This is ur reality- you have to own it!
Your first mistake was in knowing mama was old and bringing her, expecting miracles. Your second will be confronting her about it. For the love of God PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! If anyone should confront her, let it be her son.
What you can do is organise urself. Make soups in large quantity and freeze them in bowls. Heat up for her each morning. For ur baby, get him into a rhythm. Baby friendly can be exhausting. Use a breast pump, express feeds and have ur hubby hand to mama to help feed. She’ll bond with the child and want to do more. For u the expressed milk will help the child eat more and sleep longer. When he sleeps, make sure u eat and sleep too. U need ur energy levels up.
Next, change ur attitude. Don’t see it as “mama doesn’t want to help” but maybe she doesn’t know where to come in. Lovingly guide her. And once u view her actions from a place of love, u won’t feel bad. Please don’t quarrel with ur mother inlaw or ur husband over this. Your sisters inlaw will never forgive u. And u’re in that marriage for life! All d best dear!
Mrs Enuice spoke well,as wives we must not mix things
together let’s get it straight, My MIL is diff frm my Mum.And mind u no matter ur condition u still have to perform ur role and forget d fact dat she has come to help u out by so doing u will help ursef by thinking less.And jst continue to endure before u knw it she will change.