So Sugabelly, the blogger who narrated how she was raped by Mustafa Audu and his friends, (read here) wrote about the many times she had sex and why. Her mind-blowing honest recount inspired her blog visitors to open up to share their own experiences.
For most people, rape or coercion, if you like, was a recurring theme. Catching my attention were those who revealed how they were raped as children by older relatives and the life-long consequences they battle with. The boys were not spared.
Read what they wrote;
Dear Sugabelly, I’ve enjoyed your post and in the spirit of openness I’m going to share a bit about myself.
As a young boy I was raped a lot by two female cousins who were supposed to look after me. One of them kept it going for years. That messed me up in all sorts of ways and I didn’t even know it for a long time. And, of course, that’s not something you can talk about as a Nigerian man. I’ve never even told my family members and both cousins are now late.
My unresolved issues may be why I have the exact opposite of Premature Ejaculation, something called Retarded Ejaculation (a doctor told me this during my Youth Service many years ago). What Retarded Ejaculation means is that I can go for long without ejaculating, sometimes for days. (Guys, if you think that’s a great ability to have, forget it. It can be super frustrating and sometimes leaves me so sad and miserable and even suicidal. (Yes, I think about suicide now and then.)
Another visitor had this to say:
This happens more than you think. Right through ages 5-9 years old, I was regularly sexually abused by two of my aunts. One will make me go down on her with instructions of what to do whilst down there. It was full blown sex with my other aunty. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed as I’m putting this together…
I think out of f**ed up guilt, the one that made me regularly performed cunnilingus on her used to beat the s**t out of me out of made up misdemeanours. As I grew older, in analysing the horror I experienced from this particular aunty, my only explanation for the general abuse might be to assert fear and/or control. Whatever her reasons were, it really wasn’t great for my self esteem, I was a messed up little child. I attempted suicide at the age of 9 by drinking a whole bottle of a methylated medication, when one of the aunty told me that she was going to report me for the sex she made me have with her. Even as a child I just could not face the shame…
The trauma, shame and guilt is life long. Romance or sex was off the table for me for well over 25 years until I met my now wife, I remained celibate. Yes, right through school, colleges and university I remained celibate, acquaintances (yes, acquaintances, as I did not have any friend because I obviously had trust issues) thought I was gay, but then didn’t find any man (or woman for that matter with me), I was a loner, still am to some extent. Their suspicions were aroused because of the suspicion I treated women with when they showed any sort of “interest”, I would run a mile if a woman approached, I have been told several times that I am a very good looking man, but, within me, I was still that 5 year old, my sexual emotion was stunted.
For me, I found God and met a woman that understood me. Yes, God helped built up my self esteem through the inner strength I had from him. The scar still exist but I am healed.
And lastly from another visitor: I was 10+ when I first had sex and it was an older relative…. (I still regret it not because I would still be virgin at my present age but cos I wish I had been left with the choice to give out my virginity to a man of my choice).
Sincerely speaking, when it comes to rape, the focus is on the girl. This is erroneous judging by the recounts of the survivors above. What is most disheartening is that the same relatives you count on as your support system could be the biggest perpetrators. Parents be warned!
Tags: Child molestation, child rape, Incest
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Wow! All this is so so sad to read. Wonder when Nigeria will take rape seriously smh.
Lord have mercy
Its a sorry case. I know of some1 who was disvirgin by an aunt staying in same compound with them at age 8 and till tomorrow the mum dint know even though he is now married. Parents not all relatives has good intentions.
Awwwww wat a sympathetic story
Na Wao oooo!
Hmmmm. Horrible things are happen I g in dis world o. May d Lord protect us from every perpetrator of evil
May God help us.
hmmmmn so sad.kids as nt safe anymore
Very horrible. It’s difficult to forget the past but i’m thankful to God that despite the abuse that i experienced i was not raped. Lots of male relatives tried to take advantage of me but somehow God rescued me. It took me 2years after my marriage to be able to have any sexual intercourse with my hubby. The thought of relatives trying to force themselves on me hunted me for years and i was always on the look out all through my teenage years. Till date, even though i’ve overcome that fear of intercourse through prayer and counselling, i still find it difficult to sleep half naked.
So my eagle eye is very much activated when it comes to my kids.
Lord have mercy!
Hmmm so disheartening
Tins r really happening
So sad to read..God help us
this is so sad
this is so sad, God help us
Lord have mercy. God please protect our children. Ama ndi ana-eze
Parents should be careful with relatives, days are evil.
i hate to remember them,but when i found out it was wrong,i spoke up,same happened to my fiance,relative,family frnds are wicked
This is an eye opener. Thou shall not trust anyone with your child
i hate this with passion
this is a sad moment of life one would not like to remember,one cannot read another ones mind,be it ur uncle or aunty
this is disheartening,i escaped being a victim too.some wicked relatives
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