15 Simple Ways to Nurture Your Marriage

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Chiomah Momah

Let’s think of marriage like those refresher courses or continued education that most professions make mandatory these days. To be a successful wife or husband, you must keep on educating yourself on how to make your marriage stronger and better. Though there are lots of things that can be done in this direction, here are my top 15:

1. Learn from good examples
Spend time learning from people who have successful marriages rather than pouring out your woes on these people. If you have a friend or neighbour who is enjoying marital bliss, rather than envy, try and learn what she does differently. Seek out others who have a great marriage and learn from them. On the flip side, avoid getting too close to women and men who constantly berate their spouses and complain without end.

2. Water your Garden
Yes, the grass sure isn’t greener on the other side, and even if it appears greener, rather than whine, why don’t you water your own grass? Do whatever it takes; get manure and a sprinkler system, even a tractor if need be! Be all you can and do whatever is necessary to ensure your marriage is as green and fresh as you would like it to be. Always water your own garden and make is as luscious and pretty as you want it to be.

3. Have date nights!
Make sure you make out time to hang out together without the children. Try to do all the things that you enjoyed doing in the early years like eating out and going dancing (or clubbing). Some men are guilty of going on dates with ladies other than their wives when they’re married. Marriage should not suddenly transform your wife into that ‘madam’ who should be left at home. Have a particular day you go for dates weekly, bi-weekly or monthly for some quality time together as husband and wife.

4. Reach out & touch!
Hug, kiss and hold hands! Physical touch is an important aspect of any good relationship. Remember how you could hardly keep your hands off each other? Well, if you don’t, rediscover each other as you are never too old to show affection. A simple hug ever so often goes a long way in rekindling the flames that once burnt uncontrollably. Even when you are angry with your spouse just reaching out to touch can douse the tension. Also, studies have shown that when we exchange physical contact, oxytocin is released by our bodies and this connects people emotionally.

5. Ten things I love about you
Try taking out time to write just a few things you love about him, before you know it, you will be overwhelmed. When you focus on the good and compliment your spouse on those things they do well, you will find they’ll do it more often. When you have written down all the things you love about your spouse, go a step further by writing them on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere your beloved will see it. This will make him or her feel extra loved and very appreciated.

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6. Improve your mind
Try reading good books on relationships. Look out for bestsellers like, The Secrets of Happily Married Women, The Five Love Languages, His Needs Her needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage, The Power of a Praying Wife, For Men Only: A straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women, and so many more. Also, attend marriage retreats and conferences where you can spend time together while learning how to improve your marriage.

7. End the affair
Yeah, the one with your phone! We spend so much time on Instagram, Blackberry and checking the latest gist from online gossip blogs and chatting. It may be alright to do this while you are alone but when you and your spouse are together, put down your phone and face each other. Men love attention as much as women do and it’s necessary we give our spouse the attention they crave or deserve.

…to be continued.