Top Mistakes That May Utterly Destroy Your Marriage (Part 1)

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Oluwatoyin Osaigbovo & Chiomah Momah

Lately, there has been a tsunami of divorces and separations but we know no one enters into a marriage expecting it to break. Still, several mistakes we often make and overlook may make it impossible to foster marital bliss and ensure the marriage continues to exist. Let’s take a look at 12 of them:

1. FORGETTING WHAT MARRIAGE IS ABOUT

Marriage is not about sex, getting needs met, or even parenting. It’s about two people joining every aspect of their lives together, becoming unified in the stuff of life and goals for the future. Far too often, we forget, and make marriage about filling some personal need so we can go off and do what we want with the rest of our life. To avoid destroying your marriage, get back to the basics of a shared life.

2. FAILING TO RECOGNIZE YOUR DIFFERENCES

One of the biggest mistakes married couples make is that we expect our partner to think like we do. We forget that everyone has a different upbringing which leads to different expectations as to what family life should look like. If we can pull back from our high horse, we may find that our mate’s family did a few things right that if integrated into our own relationship, might even heal wounds from our past. It is not healthy for partners to unthinkingly insist on their own way of doing things. When a man and a woman come together; the new unit will reflect some of the aspects of each of their pasts, but the couple should not be chained to any single spouse’s expectations. No one way is necessarily the best way. Create your own new ideals for your family.

3. MALICE

Communication is key in marriage. When a couple refuses to talk to each other, no problem is ever resolved and forgiveness doesn’t take place. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, it should be discussed. If you do not, you will not understand what your action or inaction is doing to your partner. This is an important tool in problem solving. Express yourself to each other, learn from your mistakes, apologize and forgive.

4. THIRD PARTIES

They often tell you what they think you want to hear or what they imagine they would do without having the full picture of things. What they tell you to do is often not the appropriate advice. Ego makes it difficult for you to do the right thing after you have listened to such advice; no one wants to appear weak, so watch it.

5. TELLING LIES

Lies are lies, no matter what colour they are. Saying a white lie may seem beneficial in the beginning but what if your spouse finds out the truth eventually? When the truth is spilled, which is usually the case, your spouse will feel hurt and deceived and begin to wonder what else you may have lied about. This will end up setting the stage for major trust issues in your marriage. Apart from hurting your spouse, your children may also pick up on this behaviour.

6. TOUGH AS STEEL!

Not saying one should have no expectations or just be a walk over but there are times you have to stoop to conquer or step down so peace will reign. The truth is that for most of us, it’s easy to be self serving and just think about how our spouses have offended us but if we decide to think about how our actions affect the other person sincerely, we will find it easier to let go. Don’t be dogmatic. Many women and men will tell you how refusing to concede or compromise sometimes ruined their once happy homes.

To be continued…