Dear MIMsters: Should I Quit This Childless Marriage?

Should I quit my childless marriage?

My husband and I got married 2 years ago after dating for about a year. I was about 30 at the time and eager to start my own family.

About 8 months after our wedding, I became very worried about my inability to conceive. I suggested going for fertility tests but hubby dismissed the idea, saying we should keep praying and it would happen in God’s time. He has a quite fierce temper and doesn’t like dwelling on issues, so, I quickly dropped the subject to avoid provoking him. He had come really close to hitting me a few times since we got married.

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There was no pressure from his family but my mum was very worried. As more time lapsed, I became very depressed. As a housewife, being home alone most times didn’t help matters. Worse still, hubby works most weekends, didn’t act like we have a problem and anytime I broached the subject, he would say I worry too much and God would do it in his time in his usual ‘end of story’ tone.

So, a month after our first wedding anniversary, a close friend and I secretly went to see her uncle – a reputable fertility specialist here in Lagos.

He ran series of necessary tests and told me I was in perfect shape. I asked what the problem could be then and he said he needed to see my husband as well to draw his conclusions and decide the appropriate course of action. Several ugly thoughts filled my mind as I recalled my husband’s nonchalance about our predicament. I opened up to my friend as we headed to my mum’s place and she reassured me everything would be fine, even though she didn’t sound too convincing.

I relayed all that transpired at the doctor’s to my mum and she encouraged me to find a way to make hubby see the doctor as soon as possible. My major dilemma however was how I would tell my very temperamental hubby I visited a doctor with my friend without his consent, how he would react and if I could convince him to follow me for my next appointment.

For several months, I couldn’t tell him anything. With him, you just had to be very careful to avoid striking the wrong chord. My friend and mum nagged constantly, asking why I feared my own husband so much and chose to keep such a crucial issue pending.

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I finally braced up and told him about a month ago. Surprisingly, he just got up and went to the guest room without saying a word. He has been sleeping there since then and shunning my attempts at reconciliation. I know he is hiding something, and wish I could find out what it is.

Honestly, I’m tired of putting up with this man who perhaps even cheats on me. I want to start afresh with someone else. I want to be happy. I want to have and raise my own children as I’m not getting any younger but would it be fair to leave him? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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15 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Should I Quit This Childless Marriage?”
  • Give him an ultimatum. Tell him to go with you or else you will quit the marriage and see what he has to say.

  • I think you should talk to him calmly and ask him about the problem. he is probably behaving that way because of his insecurities. maybe a low self esteem. get him to trust you then he might be able to tell you what the problem is

  • You know what? Please don’t be afraid of him. Even in his feigned anger, walk up to him and ask if he has made up his mind on when to see the doctor.Let him know whatever the outcome is, both of you will find a solution together. He won’t pounce on you but if he tries it please do the needful. Don’t waste your time or you will live to regret it.

  • You are the one that determines your happiness, this isn’t a happy marriage cos i don’t understand why i will be afraid of anyone like this let alone my spouse. You have to make a decision and be fast about it, marriage doesn’t determine anything, it’s just a plus and if it’s not working, it’s not working.

  • Hmmm, they are right. First try peacefully yo talk to him n if he refuses then u can threaten him n den do d needful. He s a liar n secretive. Very unfair.

  • Hmmmm the truth is that if nothing is wrong with him, why will he refuse to see a doctor. Tell him to his face, if he can’t see a doctor he should forget about you, and see his reaction. He should not be afraid to open up to you, that you always be there for him

  • Let him know your intentions, then leave it there but set a time for yourself, don’t nag him to avoid being battered, once your time frame elapses, announce to him you’re gonna divorce him but make sure security is nearby before it degenerates into something else.

  • Don’t be afraid to talk to him, Tell him you can understand whatever it is,that you can overcome it together, he really needs to tell u, so that u know what u r abt to face, if he is not willing give him an ultimatum and leave shikena.

    • Just talk to and make him see reason then if theres any thing wrong with him he should open cos your are his wife so that you two can sort it out together and she should know that two heads are better than one.

  • the guy is most probably impotent. i dated a childless married man and each time i mentioned going for a test he will tell me he is not ready for that. that the vists to gynaecologists were traumatising and costly. unknown to me, on one of their visits, he was told he had low sperm count and his inlwas were embarassing him because of that; that he couldnt get their daughter pregnant. that was the reason he decided to try outside. he was afraid and often will bitterly cry to me. i felt his pain. i told him i was having miscarriages but he didnt believe until i had an incomplete abortion that required evacuation . few months later i became pregnant again after treating homonal imbalance. it was after having the baby he told me how his inlaws were humiliating him because of his low sperm count the guy is afraid of being exposed. that is the reason for the gra-gra

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