Dear MIM: How Do I Stop My Headstrong Husband From Doing This To Our Daughter?

I’m married with two children and my husband’s family dislikes me tremendously (I won’t say hate) mainly because I am not from their tribe and I’m not the kind of girl they want their son to be married to. According to them, they prefer the docile, doormat type.

My husband is a prominent person who is also vying for a political position in his hometown, acting on my advice. The problem is, all of a sudden, he wants our older daughter to always go to his village with him. Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but she is below 3 and very friendly, a little too much at times. I sometimes worry she may just follow a stranger willingly. And because of the nature of work my husband is doing there (politics), he will not be able to have time to take care of her properly, plus, I am scared that his opponents might seek to harm my child.

I have tried my possible best to explain these to him. In fact, I told him about the bad dreams I have been having and he knows I nurse serious anxiety concerning the issue. I have never travelled anywhere with my daughter alone because he won’t condone it, not even to leave her with my mother for a few days, yet, he wants to go and leave her in a village where she doesn’t know anybody. She can’t even talk properly and only speaks English, hence, communicating with people over there will be a challenge.

The other alternative is for me to go with them which I honestly can’t. I don’t trust his family because due to some of their behaviour towards me, I feel they can harm me. I have told him that I will go only on the condition that he completes his house which he is working on because I honestly can’t stay in his family house. I feel like he will take sides with them even if they harm me or my children because they have no respect or love for me and they have made that very clear. My children are both girls and they do not value girls at all where he comes from. I do not intend to risk my life or that of my children at all. My injuries from their births haven’t even healed yet.

He is now threatening to marry another woman who will be going there with him if I refuse to go and that he will take my child along by force. To be honest, I don’t care if he marries 10 more women as long as they don’t come to my home, but as for taking my child to some village to leave in the hands of people who are virtually my enemies? That I can’t agree to.

My question is, how do I stop him? He is very intent on taking her along just for show.