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Dear MIMsters: Did I Do Wrong By Asking Hubby To Talk To His Mum Over These?

Dear MIMsters: Did I Do Wrong By Asking Hubby To Talk To His Mum Over These?

Please advice me on how to get over this emotional trauma.

I’ve been married and living happily with my husband since we got married 3 years ago until my MIL changed everything 3 months ago.

She is a nice woman but believes everything must be done in her own way in her son’s house. I respect her opinion but at a point, things started getting out of hand. For example, when I do something or buy something nice for her, she will go and thank her son without saying a word to me because she believes the money came from her son. She complains about my cooking allowance, she tells her son to buy for her the clothes, shoes and head gear I wear, that she likes them.

The way she scolds and flogs my 2-year-old and compares her with her cousins in the village who are 4 and 6-years-old is something. I cook stew, she says it’s oily, she goes to toilet without flushing it, and barges into our bedroom without warning. I don’t know why she’s doing that.

My husband no longer shows care. When I was sick, my husband didn’t ask me how I was doing? He’s now a mummy’s boy with his mum praising him here and there. When he comes home, his mama is the first person he asks of. To cut the story short, when I asked my husband why he hasn’t addressed the things his mother has done in his presence, he told me to go and get a cane to flog her.

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Now, he has warned me to be mindful of what I say about his mum that I’m just a wife here, and that if my intention was for him to send his mum packing that I am making the worst mistake of my life. He said that is it because I gave birth to a male child I think I can misbehave, that I am too small to challenge his mum.

Please tell me, did I do anything wrong by asking him to talk to his mum about the things she has been doing wrong? I have been emotionally sick since then as tears have been flowing from my eyes. Why will my husband say those mean words to me? Does this truly mean that I have no say as long as his mum is concerned? Don’t I have a right to complain? These words hurt me.

View Comments (11)
  • Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm my Dear you were wrong because you saw the writing on the wall but as overlooked it….. He is not the type you correct

  • Hmmmmmmmmmm mummy’s boy. A man should know when and how to protect his wife from his mum and families in general. I think you should just endure oh my dear till she leaves you people alone. This one your husband is siding her wrong doings, there’s little or nothing you can do?

  • I’m sorry but your husband is in the categories of baby-husband. No two women can co-exist without having issues. The ones that look peaceful is because one person has chosen to compromise. So if mama doesn’t live permanently with you, please learn to avoid her because from all indications, your husband is on her side. Ignore her excesses as much as you can so you don’t develop high bp

  • I’m Pushed to coment cause I went through similar thing.
    But I always tell my wife what should I do to her, she says the samething, that I should scold her….
    Are we still in Africa? Their are certain things you can say to your parents but not everything even though they are wrong……
    I ask my wife a sincere question, if your son grows up and gets married, and you her not in good terms with his wife, would it be okay for this boy you loved , fought and ready to die for talk back at you because of his wife?
    Well she replies with, I would not be that kind of mother…… But never with a yes or a no….
    And secondly, women who a violent by nature, your husband would know. And don’t expect him to take your side over his mother’s unless his mother is way more violent than you are…….
    Thirdly, a wise woman would know the key to most men soul which defines their nature( good or bad) is through their mother. She is a defining principle in is life, hence to ask him to brake that principle is simply telling him to brake that bond and hurt his soul, that would eventually change the man completely.
    thirdly, Yes he is your husband and his duty is to protect you from danger, and you are his wife your duty is to honor his actions…… But if you ask him to protect you from his mom actions, then are you referring to his mom as dangerous?
    And lastly she is not his mom only, she is also your mom….
    Your own mom is his mom as well and he must treat them both as equal.
    So when you start differentiating you start to see errors and the enmity grows.
    She does not see your son differently. It is her grandson too remember…..
    But like I said earlier, some women are violent and wicked. Hence your husband would or should know if she is one of those type.

    But try to win her heart for peace to reign. Put your self in the old woman shoes and ask, what does she want from you……????

    I believe we all have to grow beyond our current state. Solving a pending problem or issue is part of growth and positive development.

    Most people would say, ignore her. But I would say fix it…… use I went through similar thing.
    But I always tell my wife what should I do to her, she says the samething, that I should scold her….
    Are we still in Africa? Their are certain things you can say to your parents but not everything even though they are wrong……
    I ask my wife a sincere question, if your son grows up and gets married, and you her not in good terms with his wife, would it be okay for this boy you loved , fought and ready to die for talk back at you because of his wife?
    Well she replies with, I would not be that kind of mother…… But never with a yes or a no….
    And secondly, women who a violent by nature, your husband would know. And don’t expect him to take your side over his mother’s unless his mother is way more violent than you are…….
    Thirdly, a wise woman would know the key to most men soul which defines their nature( good or bad) is through their mother. She is a defining principle in is life, hence to ask him to brake that principle is simply telling him to brake that bond and hurt his soul, that would eventually change the man completely.
    thirdly, Yes he is your husband and his duty is to protect you from danger, and you are his wife your duty is to honor his actions…… But if you ask him to protect you from his mom actions, then are you referring to his mom as dangerous?
    And lastly she is not his mom only, she is also your mom….
    Your own mom is his mom as well and he must treat them both as equal.
    So when you start differentiating you start to see errors and the enmity grows.
    She does not see your son differently. It is her grandson too remember…..
    But like I said earlier, some women are violent and wicked. Hence your husband would or should know if she is one of those type.

    But try to win her heart for peace to reign. Put your self in the old woman shoes and ask, what does she want from you……????

    I believe we all have to grow beyond our current state. Solving a pending problem or issue is part of growth and positive development.

    Most people would say, ignore her. But I would say fix it……

    • This comment is a pile of horse manure!! If you are too weak to deal with your mum, and expect your wife to deal, don’t come here to justify it!! You married your wife and you are supposed to protect her. I’m sure that if your wife chooses her family over you, you’ll be the first one to start shitting bricks. Biko, don’t come here and justify, enabling and encouraging competition between the wife you swore an oath before God to cleave to, and the mother who you swore before God to leave. That’s just wrong!

  • My dear,am sure you r working to limit Tue number of hours you spend with her.concentrate on your child and husband and ignore her…..time ll tell.I had a mother in law who thought she could treat me like trash n thank God I was working n completely ignored her n she went as far as making me look bad before her kids ,sis and brother n I still ignored her.she tell people that am a terrible person and still call to ask things from me and I still gave her those things and with time my husband all she was doing n seriously warned her to stay away from our lives.we now enjoying some peace in the house.

  • @ idris Aloma, there are alot of baby husband n u sound to be one… Sallie said something, if ur wife chooses her family over u, how would u react. D bible says a man n a woman leave their parents n become another family, d MIL is not required to be a dictator in that new union pls. R u saying ur wife is more violent than ur mum and at that she doesnt need ur protection from ur mum’s tantrums, pls grow up

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