Dear MIMsters: My Hubby Wants Me To Turn My Back Against My Family
I grew up in a family of 4 which includes my mother. I have an elder and younger brother, so I’m in between the boys as their only sister.
I got married first. Before I got married, both brothers would come around to spend time with me as I lived alone. We have a strong bond and ties as siblings. Our mother lived alone most of the time as we were all in school. We only visited during a long break.
In the first year of my marriage, my mother visited and she was welcomed, my brothers visited too. My older brother is married now and we’ve only talked via phone. I’m left with the younger brother who just finished with school and came around to see me when on short breaks.
For some reasons, hubby now behaves funny whenever never my mum visits which is once in a while. I mean once a year during her leave holiday to spend 2 weeks with me as hubby will not permit me to visit her. He acted funny towards her during her last 2 visits.
He won’t buy food at home or even give her transport back. And when he does buy any food, he would place an embargo on them that nobody should touch. This he would never do when it’s just the two of us. But my mom and I never worried cos I was using my petty trade to take kia of her. My hubby is blessed with a good job and well paid but he’s never once given my mum money or any gift as an in-law, apart from the first year of our marriage which was her first visit.
My mum has been financially and morally supportive when I need support. She would pray for me and counsel me whenever I’m depressed due to my hubby’s behaviour.
Now my brother came to put up with me after his graduation, waiting for his call-up-letter which should be ready this November. As soon as he arrived, hubby told me to tell him to leave. I said I couldn’t and he told my brother himself to leave the next day. I asked him if he really meant it and he said yes. Then I told him if my brother leaves, I would leave too and he said no problem. So, I packed some of my stuffs.
Please tell me, where have I gone wrong? My hubby wants me to turn my back against my family.
If I were to be in your shoes I wouldn’t leave but I’ll make sure NOBODY from his side(not even his friends) steps into the house even if to stay for an hour. My attitude will chase everyone away since that’s what he wants. BTW I hope you didn’t have a prenuptial agreement not to allow anyone stay with you because some couples do this in the heat of love but when reality sets in, they complain?Meanwhile, since he doesn’t want them around beg him to allow you visit them and beg for their understanding
Hmmmmmmm I hate petty men, they disgust me. What kind of silly attitude is that? Why is he acting like a sissy? Well I see no wrong in what you have done because I would do same. If a man can’t accept my immediate family then he sure as hell didn’t accept me as a wife and doesn’t deserve me. I love my immediate younger brother so much, I cannot imagine a man I am married to treat him that way. I mean it’s not like he came to stay for so long to warrant such treatment. You need to stand your ground and let him know what he does /did is not acceptable. You are just 3 your mom has, what family will be there to support you if and when the chips are down if you let him cut you off of them.
Please don’t break your home because of this. Talk to your husband and pray about it. Sincerely, I believe you must have seen signs of this behavior before marriage. Do not keep away from your family. You can never replace them. They should avoid visiting when he is around. God will help you overcome this challenge. Amen.
Sister, please don’t leave, but why is your hubby behaving this way, let him know that any of his family will not be welcome to stay with them, but your mum can come whenever she want to. Don’t ignore your family they are the ones that will never forsake you & they will fight for you.
Hmmmmm…. I honestly don’t know what to say, but this ur hubby’s attitude is disgusting!
Madam you shouldn’t have invited your brother to come without first of all discussing it with your husband. It seems you disrespects him whenever it concerns your family. You are no longer single and there should be a limit to how you relate with your family: They are now third parties.
Ur hubby is very inconsiderate and wicked. Since one from ur family is allowed to come to ur house, then make sure no one from his family steps foot into ur house. Equation Don balance
I You married a sadist.
this is serious….na wa ooo
Madam you shouldn’t leave because of this ,your hubbys attitude towards your family is so bad but my advise is that next time any of ur family member is visiting inform him before hand.secondly if I were u I will tell my family to ignore him and act as if he doesn’t exist ,time will tell
YOU LEAVING YOUR HOUSE IS NOT THE BEST, DISCUSS WITH HUBBY AND SOTH THINGS OUT
GOODLUCK
Why u no tell hubby,agree bfr ur borther come? Well,things can be sorted out too
Hmmmm
Dear Poser,
I have some posers for you: did you discuss your brother’s stay with him before he came around? Was he usually informed that your Mum will be coming around to spend time with you guys before she comes around? Or he just comes back from work and meets her at home? You see, like someone said earlier, you now have a home that consist of your husband and you, plus your kids. The earlier you put this top of your mind, the better. From your write up, you still seem attached to your siblings, than your husband. Let’s turn it around: if your husband gives precedence to his sisters and Mother over you, how will you feel? You better not listen to bad advice and place your husband where he righfully belongs. By asking your brother to leave, your husband is actually passing a message across: it’s his home, and he will decide who comes and goes. Check yourself. Thank you.