The Complaints Of A Disgruntled Husband And Dad
I am a disgruntled husband and a dad to 3 beautiful children all under 10 years of age. My job takes me out of town a lot so, my wife is mostly left to cater to our kids. She does a good job of looking after their health, she ensures that they dress and look well. But that’s about where it ends.
I do my best to provide more than what they need. Holiday trips abroad, shopping at designer stores, dream car, you name it. But to do this, I have to work very hard which is what I am doing that takes me out of the home often.
Though my wife is a stay-at-home mum, I don’t think she spends enough time with our children. She’s always thinking of where she can send them off to, either to a relation’s house or keeps them in the living room with a nanny while she’s locked away in our room watching home videos or talking on the phone. I have never walked in to see her being with the children.
I don’t have so much time with our children because of my work as the bread winner of our home, so I expect my wife to fill in for me. Somehow, I think that my children do not measure up to their age. My son is timid and poor at school work, my other child is unruly and troublesome. We have received reports of him being a bully at school. My daughter is very clingy and unfriendly.
I do not understand what is going on with them. I just think that my wife isn’t doing enough with them. I have spoken to her severally, but she tells me, “do you think it’s easy?” or “I’m trying.” Do you think she’s really trying? I don’t want my children to end up like this. If I have to leave work to raise the kids myself, of what use then is my wife to our family? It’s my duty to provide which I do very well and it’s my wife’s duty to raise our kids and when I’m around, I do my best to raise them.
I want to look at my children and be proud of them. I like your page on facebook and how you encourage mothers to read. My wife doesn’t bother with things like that. She’s more concerned about superficial things. Should I going to take the gamble and see how my children will end up? I am worried!
I’m sorry to hear about your predicament Dad, but raising of the kids is not just your wife’s duty but both of Yours. The kids need both of you to be active in their lives. So try to do everything you can to make yourself available as well. Unfortunately not every woman has the ability to be that effective in their motherly roles and that’s why kids have two parents, so you need to step in as soon as possible to rescue your children from the impending doom that is about to befall them.
Dear Disgruntled Dad, I would like to say that there is a lot more that you are not paying attention to. You are so particular about your kids, have you give thought about your wife? There is more to the life of a woman than being a wife and a mother(as very important as these roles are). Does your wife enjoy being a stay home mum or is it something that automatically fell on her laps by virtue of being a wife and a mother? As long as a person is not doing what he or she loves to do, dissatisfaction is bound to set in and of course, the ripple effects. I am not 100% supporting your wife but instead of pointing out all she is doing wrong, trying finding out what she would really love to be doing and you may just be amazed. All the outward display may just be signs of inner tears or pain.
I am a medical doctor, married for 7 years with two kids. Presently, I am a stay home mum. For a once career lady, sometimes it takes the grace of God to stay sane. Many days, I maybe so busy doing all the mum and wifely duties, yet I feel so unproductive. A few times, it can be depressing too. My husband understands(most times) but sometimes he mis-fires too. To keep my sanity, I decided to stay a side business, fashion designing which i love( but it isnt easy handling that with a 13 month old toddler running around). But for my well-being, once my son is 18 months, he is off to school. So i can be also have time to do what makes me complete, and also be a good wife and a fantastic mum.
Lesson here: Being a stay home mum is one job that can run the most sane person crazy. Also as long as a person doesnt feel inward fulfilment, the job eventually suffers(in this case, the home front). Finally, raising kids isnt only the job of the mum. No matter how busy you are, make out quality time with your family(wife and kids).
i am sorry, pls keep being a good Dad and do ur bits.. never give up taking to ur wife, she will eventually wake up one day
This is what happens when a man is out there looking for money, believing that money settles everything. Parenthood is about two people, man and woman, you both have to be fully involved in raising the kids. Providing all the material things is not enough, because at the end of the day, how the children turns out is the paramount thing not how many summers they spent in Europe.
It takes a man and a woman to raise kids together not just a woman’s job. I think you should take the gamble and see for yourself and only then will you know if she’s doing a good job or not plus if you feel you can do better. But please don’t stop talking to her about your concerns and also pray to God for her.
Dear Dad,
You are the head of the home. When they go for holidays abroad do you go with them? Please spare sometime for the family. Take time off work deliberately to do things together as a family. Set the pace. What’s your wife’s background? Was she raised by her parents? You cannot give what you don’t have. She’s probably trying very hard and probably doesn’t even understand what your problem is.
I suggest you take time off and work it out together. You don’t even have to go abroad to spend time together.
your wife obviously is not a good mother of that’s what she does so please keep sounding it to her and reduce the amount of work you carry and spend more time with your children …..
they need a father figure too
i agree wt Mon
Emem take cyber hugs and plenty kisses. You took those words right out of my mouth and it’s as if we are in the same shoes. Sandra Nkpuluma thumbs up
Dear Dad.
Please try taking time off work and spend a prolonged period of time with your kids, let’s see how wonderful you’ll be. I am a woman but I have a full time job and also travel sometimes, and when I’m home, I enjoy catching up with my kids, hanging out with them and playing with them. But I NEVER put my leave days for when they are on holidays. This is simply because spending days and days unending with kids will certainly drive me insane. I know you think going to work is the difficult part but take it from someone who has seen both sides, it isn’t.
Your wife however needs to get over whatever she’s going through and pay attention to the children. Children need that love and attention from their parents, not just the helps. But don’t expect to always see her on her knees playing with them whenever you walk through the door. That is an unrealistic expectation. After spending the whole day listening to their screams and fights, don’t fault her for wanting some sort of peace.
As for your children’s behaviour, I think this has a lot to do with you. They see their mum everyday and she’s no longer ‘special’ to them. But you need to put in more effort and show interest in them more because sometimes all they need is their DADDY.
Your clingy little girl is nothing strange. Perhaps even a sign that she’s too pampered by her mom and doesn’t think she should try making other friends. It’s not even a bad thing. My kinds start daycare at 3 months and always end up too social and friendly. That is a problem to me. Sometimes I wish they’ll hold on tight to me instead of following any stranger that gives them a smile. Your daughter will outgrow that so don’t worry.