Dear MIMster: How Do I Gain My Independence from my Older Sister?
I am 27 years old. I have been living with my older sister since I was 2 years old. Everyone sees me as her first daughter, even my mum does not interfere in our business. She has been like a demi-God to me and gave me whatever I needed. She even sponsored my education to school abroad and does not like me being away from her except when I’m in school.
To cut the long story short, I am done with school and service, now I am back home with her and she is so happy.
She talked to our elder brother to give us one of our building so I and mum can live there together and I can gain some independence. She helped talk to him to release the house since I am no longer a child and need to stay on my own. She even agreed with him to pay for the furnishing of the house but now she has ignored it. I think it is because she does not want me to leave her side.
I applied for a job and you know Nigeria of today how being connected helps. She had means to help me secure the job but she refused with lots of excuses. Now, I am at home just cooking, cooking and cooking. Now, she is suggesting I sell rechard cards at her shop so I can be have some pocket money. It’s not a bad idea, it just means I will have to continue living with her.
Her husband is so jealous, he won’t even let a guy talk to me, let alone going out and out of the respect I have for her, I don’t go out. The only friend I have is my phone. Where I live with her is even out of town, in a village. What do I do? How do I handle this issues. I dont want to hurt her because I love her like kilode. If I was a man, I would gladly stay but I am a woman. The guy I am suppose to marry shares the same AS genotype with me. I schooled in a boarding school and left Nigeria to school abroad, so I dont even have friends. I feel caged.
If I tell her I want to live, she can’t stop me but she will be hurt and I don’t want that. Besides, she is my only hope of getting on my feet. I need her help in that regards. She gave me one of her shops to start a business. I have even saved some money I would like to use to buy clothes and sell but the area where her shop is, is very dry.
you don’t need to leave at once…its one at a time..the truth is you need a job, and you need to start planning your life outside hers…..you are 27 and need to also be thinking of settling down…hence please start applying for jobs outside your comfort zone….help only comes from God and start preparing very well for the interviews and test to come…in no time you will land a good job but pending that time…invest in prayers…invest in yourself as well…you need to build your self confidence…life is not bread and butter…it would be rough at times but hard times don’t last but strong people do..it is well….lastly please it is time for you to go and live with your mum…you can always pay your sister a visit every other weekend….all the best
I think you should just talk with her about you living on your own from now on. Ask your mom to help too talk with her.
Exactly what I had to pass through. When I want to see my bf who lives in another state I had to lie about having a job interview. I couldn’t even go to the movies or do any fun thing like my mates, it was horrible. Infact it was so bad when I was plannng to get married we all including my mum didn’t know how to tell her cos we knew she won’t be happy. Even her husband kept complaining about how I was rushing into marriage loool I was 29 o. Anyway it all worked out sha, am married now and living in another state thank God for that cos I don’t know what would happen if I was in the same state. Just take things easy start your shop I think from there you will build a social life.
I quiet agree to what other people mentioned, is a gradual process that need one thing at a time. Make up your mind if you want to move or still stay with her, there is no way she won’t be hurt because she enjoy your company so much.. Also pray along as well
talk wt her
why not discuss it wt her