Dear MIMsters: What I Told My Focused Boyfriend who Wants to Keep Having Sex With but is not yet Ready for Marriage
I’m 27 dating a focused 28-year-old guy who is a teacher. From the beginning of our relationship, two years ago, I was not in love but accepted to be with him because my Ex who is a monster was troubling me and I needed a guy’s protection from him. But gradually, I realized I couldn’t do without him.
I have told him that I love him and would like to be serious with him knowing he loved me from the beginning. But I made a mistake by allowing him have sex with me. I feel so guilty anytime we have sex and I’ve told him to stop until we get married, if we get married but this is causing a big rift between us.
He is going for his degree course and I have allowed him to go because I also want to settle myself. Currently, he is building a home for his mother, sponsoring his kid sister’s education and also going to school himself. This means that he cannot marry me now as he’s financially drained. If I tell him to stop doing all these for his family so we can get married, I will seem like a very bad lady to his family.
Now, his mother suggested that we should give birth first and get married later when he is more settled but I do not want to have a baby before marriage. I am ready to wait but the problem is my boyfriend is not ready to do away with the sex. He complained to a friend that he feels rejected and sad whenever I refuse to yield to his advances. It’s difficult for him to control himself whenever he is around me.
I want us to quit the relationship for now and whenever we are both ready to get married, then we can continue from where we left off. Do you think this is a good idea? Am I making the right decision as I don’t want to lose him?
What kinda mom will advise you to have a baby when his son is not yet married to you? Will she say that to her daughter? Please stop playing wifely roles to a man you ain’t married to, if you’re so important to him, let him do the needful. Enough said.
thanks sandra. i wanted to tell her the same thing. his mother is very selfish. let him do the needful. sometimes we have to stand our ground.
Very good idea. When he is ready for marriage, you guys can come together that’s if he is serious.
dear, break off the relationship. thats the wisest thing to do. by the way, a mature man should be able to gain control over his” below the belt faculties”.
Your decision to abstain from having sex till you’re ready is good. If not he will keep on using you. He will eventually dump you and look for another girl to settle down with as he seems to be a dog in the manger.
So please while he’s advancing in his educational pursuit, you too find a means of advancing yourself of even learn a trade.
A word is enough for the wise.
very wise decision…
good idea.