Dear MIMsters: After 5 Children, My Wife Still Doesn’t Want to Use Contraceptive

My wife and I have been married for 11 years with 5 kids. We planned to have 3 kids, our fourth and fifth child took me by surprise. My wife isn’t given to using contraceptive, even a condom because of her faith, she’s a staunch catholic.

They are not allowed to use any form of contraceptive. Now, that’s the problem because 5 children is stretching the limits for me. I am so done, but I suspect that my wife isn’t.

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I was angry, very angry to say the least, when she got pregnant again because we had discussed it. She said she was using the ‘safe and unsafe’ method. I trusted her to it thinking she knew what she was doing. But that method failed. I love my son but it took me a while to really forgive my wife. I silently resented her because this was not the plan.

My wife doesn’t work, so I’m the sole provider. I provide well for my family, and I am an involved father. Our children attend International schools, and get to travel at least once a year, especially during the summer.

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The cost of giving my family a certain standard of living is no joke, but I work hard. I don’t want any more children. Even though my wife knows this, she’s still unwilling to take any precautions. She says her faith must come first. This has made me kept my sexual needs away from her, seeking other women.

One night during our holiday, she wanted us to have sex, but when thoughts of how much the cost of tickets was times 7, school fees times 5, shopping times 5 flashed through my mind, I couldn’t get it up.

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I am so scared to get her pregnant again. I don’t like to cheat on my wife as much as I don’t like to have any more children. But I’m a man and I have needs. Where should she draw the line between her faith and marital needs? Am I asking for too much?

11 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: After 5 Children, My Wife Still Doesn’t Want to Use Contraceptive”
  • Maybe u should consider seeing a doctor about vasectomy since ur wife don’t want to use any preventive measures, then u should protect yourself.. After all, u’re d one feeling d pain d most

  • Your wife is very selfish, let her go and work and make a living so she can feel exactly the way you’re feeling right now. What kinda faith is that? is she the only Catholic? I have just two kids and I know how it stretches our pocket to buy four tickets to travel once a year and someone is buying seven and you’re still not bothered cos you ain’t making a dime. Let her get a job and get busy, lemme see how she will be juggling between five kids and work. RUBBISH!!!!

  • Yes you are asking too much. Who says that it lies solely with the woman to control birth. See your doctor and he will prescribe one you can use to control birth. All the best

  • Oga, contraception is not the responsibility of the woman alone. Have you never heard of vasectomy. If you so love your wife like you claim, you would have gone for that instead of cheating on your wife. You knew she was a staunch Catholic before you married her. Why make her choose between her faith and your faithfulness? You say you have needs, so does your wife. Better get back in her bed before another man does. This is not 1950.
    To keep your family together, you go for family planning (vasectomy) if your doesn’t want to based on her belief. I’m sure your doctor will advise you better if you ask him.

  • Yes you are asking for too much. You go for vasectomy instead of forcing your wife against her beliefs or cheating on her while starving her of sex. What if one of those your girlfriends (or is it prostitutes) gets pregnant for you? Or you think condom protects 100% against pregnancy? See your doctor to do family planning (vasectomy) for you. Family planning is not solely a woman’s affair.

  • Ler her get a job and take up some responsibilities too may be that would make her learn. In this generation, who still stay giving birth like rats? Smh.

  • oga sir, have you been involved in this her safe
    and unsafe period, do you take out time to ask how she is coping with it? natural family planning(npf)is for both of you. so pls try and study with her or encourage her by asking questions how it works. you can also see any Catholic instructor on (NPF). thanks and God bless

  • Oh pls ! These women are ridiculous! Why not remove ur ovaries? U think its easy for a man to castrated himself and become like a walking dummy. The woman is doing herself. Catholic faith ko. Abegi

  • Let ur wife work,that way she will be involved and will not make silly excuses with her faith,cos I’m a staunch catholic too but becks I’m involved in the financial responsibility ,I watch it and I’m very careful.All the best.

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