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Dear MIMsters: My Mother is Opposing Me Wedding An Edo Girl For These Reasons

Dear MIMsters: My Mother is Opposing Me Wedding An Edo Girl For These Reasons

My mother is opposing my intention to marry my girl who is from Edo state. I need your advice on what to do.

I’m a young man in my early 30s. I went through the University without engaging in any relationship. Actually, I graduated as a virgin.

I’d been begging God to give me my life partner, and that will be the only woman I would ever sleep with. I’m an Igbo man.

During my one year compulsory service, I met this young lady in my place of work who had not gone to the higher education due to lack of finances but she had zeal to further her education.

We started talking and I found out that she has a good family upbringing. She displayed qualities of what I want in a good wife. The only problem was that she had not attended a higher institution and that she’s from Edo State (Esan to be precise).

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I was like her boss at a place of work but our interaction was very platonic. I never showed her any sign that I was interested in her. She never even thought that I would be interested in her. However, we got on well and I was very much aware that she liked me (seemingly because of my personality) as much I did like her.

On the eve of the end of my service, she was crying that she would miss me. I also told her that I would miss her. I told her that we are still friends and that I would like to enter into a relationship with her. That if the relationship went well, we would become married. She accepted my proposal without qualms. I then left the state (Edo) the following day. Our relationship went on well.

Right now we have dated for six years. She has attended polytechnic (ND) but is trying seriously to enter the University.

The problem is that my people are vehemently opposing it. The arrowhead in the opposition is my mother. I’m the favorite child of my mother. I’m also the first son of our parents. I have sisters too.

Initially, almost all my siblings were on my side. But when they saw the great opposition from our mother, they started pressurizing me to dump the lady. My brother even went to several prayer houses where they told him that the young lady would not be a good wife to me.

Mind you, I have prayed and even asked some people to help me pray. They told me that what they saw was positive. That I should go on and marry her. On one of those occasions, my brother invited prayer warriors to our house.

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However, when they finished playing, they told my people that they should leave me alone that the lady is meant for me. However, my mother said over her dead body would she allow me marry the lady.

Her reasons are 1. She is from Edo State (Esan to be precise) ; the distance is far.

2. Edo (Esan) girls are promiscuous (Remember I met this girl a virgin)

3. Edo (Esan) girls don’t stay in their husbands’ house.

4. Edo people are diabolical.

5. When a married Esan woman dies, you must bury her body in her father’s compound.

All this while, I have reported to the my priests (three priests) and a Reverend brother about the problem. Only one of the priest opposed me. One asked my mother to support me but to no avail.

Before I forget, this lady is beautiful and has received many marriage proposals from rich men (especially from people living abroad) but she has rejected all of them because of me. She said that she knows what she wants.

When I started having a double mind about our relationship because of my people’s opposition, I told her. She almost died. She even wanted to commit suicide. She is not even ready to accept any compensations.

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The problems I’m having now are these:

1. It’s becoming obvious that if I marry her, there will be no peace in my family.

2. I don’t have the mind to break her heart.

However, my father called me a few months back to tell me that he is ready to accompany me to officially go and meet my girl’s family. I guess it’s because of my uncle’s pressure. My father has penchant to change his mind easily under pressure. My mother can easily influence his decision. Some of my siblings have been telling me about some bad dreams they have been having about me.

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My dear people, I’m in a state of dilemma. Please, I need your suggestions. Thanks in advance.

View Comments (10)
  • In all of these, I feel sorry for the poor girl. She will marry you and not know peace. I wish she would just understand and let you be.

  • Sorry brother, its happened to me as well, but I followed. my heart. I married the girl and those opposing it, later jubilate with me. Marry her and be prayerful.

  • I am proudlh Edo and Ishan. all these stereotypes are just false.
    Ishan/Esan women that I know will work with their blood and sweat to maintain a good and loving home.
    Esan women do not have the luxury lf sleeping around or being promiscuous due to certain cultural practices. (even if i personally dont believe ins such BS).

    Esan girls are pretty and decent.
    However our tradition states you return an Esan woman back foe burial in her hometown or fathers house. When the bride price is paid not more than 200 naira they tell you their daughter is not for sale.
    We dont break backs of men with outrageous bride price demands.

    My dear follow your heart. Parents have been known to lead their children astray due tk selfish and myopic reasons.

    I pity your girl. You seem to be very weak where your mother is.
    If your dad supports you thats enough.
    If possible marry n travel out.

  • I feel sorry for the girl and I wish she could understand what she going pass through in the marriage. But secondly if she has the qualities you need in a wife and feels her good attitude towards your family will give them a change of mind, you can go ahead..but never relent effort in praying.

  • If she’s ready to deal with the drama, then go ahead. I don’t understand why your family have so much opinion about your life.

  • if u really love the girl marry her and stand by her all the time
    may God be ur strength.

  • Help, I don’t know wt to do. Ve been married for six years wt no issue, I came in contact wt my ex who I was supposed to marry but we lost contact due to distance barrier and he is married wt 3 kids, he has been pressuring me to give him a trial and am 40yrs already, am still so much in love wt my ex but respect my hubby so much. Am so confused, I don’t know wt to do, my clock is ticking, should I give him a trial as I once was pregnant for him

  • You need to follow your heart because your people don’t have concrete reasons for opposing your marrying her. Thank God your father supports you. Pls go ahead with your marriage plans and pray that everything goes well.
    You need to give your wife full support when you are married and don’t allow any of your family members disrespect her. I am also married to a man from another tribe and some of his family members never supported him but my husband made it known to them that they can’t humiliate me. If you keep that stand you won’t have problems but if you try to please them by keeping quiet when they do bad things to her you will never have peace.

  • Since you have prayed.,and the answer is positive go ahead and marry her. With prayers you will over come what ever challenge that may come your way

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