Dear MIMsters: I Feel Stuck In This Union That Has Produced Three Kids

I am a man with 3 kids and I feel stuck.

When we had our first child without getting married, her parents refused to accept me based on tribal differences.

They said that they want their daughter to marry someone who is from their tribe but she refused to listen to them and came to live with me. Her family disowned her and we ended up having two more kids.

Now, we have 3 children altogether.

With time I was awarded a scholarship to go study abroad. As I was in stable employment, I decided to pass the scholarship unto my woman which was successfully done.

When my in-laws learned of it, they were happy with me and told me that I have done a great thing. They told me that I am good man and asked for my forgiveness.

They also asked to take the kids to come live with them since their mother was going abroad to school and I agreed. After my wife finished her school, my in-laws approached me to formalise our union.

Two weeks after, I sent my father to them to start arrangements but he was openly told that they’ll only marry her off their daughter to me after she finds work so that she will not depend on a man for her living. I then made efforts to find her a contract job.

I sent my father again, and he was embarrassed when they told him that they cannot marry off their daughter who holds a Masters to a man with only a Diploma. “He will just be eating our daughter’s money because she is paid more than your son.”

My Dad vowed never to have anything to do with her family again. My wife refused to return to me saying that she can’t go without parental blessings. She would only visit me and leave.

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Meanwhile at work, I was expected to upgrade my education. So, I got a loan from my dad to finish running my 2 year course. While schooling, I was doing a business and saving the money in the bank. When I came back, my wife used her mum as a supplier made me sign a cheque for goods that were never there, cashed the money from my account and disappeared with my children.

Two years after, she came begging but I refused to accept her and they refused to allow me see my children until I pay as we are not legally married. As I could not give up my children for anything, I requested for time. I could only have access to my kids when my wife brings them secretly to see me.

My wife asked for forgiveness again and I accepted her back but she was still living with her parents. We decided to get married but my fear is that she’s more attached to her family and consults them on all of our plans.

I’ve also realised that are parents don’t think my forgiving her is genuine and think I may end up poisoning her as pay back for what they did to me. I really love her and my children are happier when she is around.

I feel stuck as I don’t know whether to go ahead to formalise our marriage or not.