Dear MIMsters: I Thought Marriage Was The Solution But How Foolish Was I?

Please help me! I need advice on how to manage my life. My heart breaks because I thought getting married would be my solution.

I’m 21 years old and I’m married to a man I thought would make me happy. My parents died when I was 7. I am the first child of five girls. My parent’s relatives never bothered to take care of us. We were all brought up by our grandmother. She always told me to get married early so that I would be able to assist my younger ones.

In 2015, I met the man I am married to. When we first met, he was caring and loving. He always bought clothes and things for my siblings and I, he was so perfect that I fell in love with him. As time went on, he fixed a date and paid my bride price. Before he did that, he told me that it was not his intention to get married to me yet, he wanted to build his house in the village and make other investments before marriage. He felt I was forcing him to marry me.

SEE ALSODear Mimsters: My Marriage Has Brought Me Nothing But Sorrow and Pain

So, he told me that if I experience anything in our marriage, I should manage it. I didn’t know what he meant, but I told him that I could wait because I thought he just wanted a house. I didn’t know it was much more than that. From the day he paid my bride price, I saw hell. When he introduced me to his family, they seemed to like me. After the introduction, I go to visit his mother. He lives outside Nigeria.

He initially used to call me, sends me money and checks on me. When I eventually got admission into a polytechnic, his attitude changed, he stopped calling or sending money. He didn’t call me for up to a month. I had to tell my grandmother who then called him to find out what the problem was; he told her that he was too busy.

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He had been acting strange and I noticed that he has been living with a girl in his house. When I asked him, he denied it. As time went on, his family also began to change towards me.
Everything turned upside down. They began to maltreat me. They said that the reason I got married to their brother was because I am an orphan. They became so abusive and hostile. When I tell my grandmother, she would tell me to endure it since they have paid my bride price, that I shouldn’t come back home.

Last year December, we had our white wedding. I was a virgin who believed that God will bless me with a good man, but I’ve ended up in a terrible mess. Now I’ve birthed baby girl for this man, but the pain he causes me is too much. Every day, I always regret why I rushed into this marriage. He maltreats me so badly; he hurts me with his words daily. Every day, his family calls him, they tell him not to spend money on my siblings, and because that is the reason I married him.

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Please, I need advice; I’ve made up my mind to run away with my child and sister. Every day, I cry. If I had known, I would not have rushed into this marriage. The reason I got married was to help my grandmother and assist my siblings, now, I am regretting this. I need help and advice, I can’t endure this again. I am too young for this.

4 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Thought Marriage Was The Solution But How Foolish Was I?”
  • You are way too young to be suffering like this. Why do young girls make the mistake of thinking getting married is the solution to their problems?
    Please if you can, run away asap before depression sets in. No one deserves to be unhappy in their marriage.

  • first, you need a source of income. i know it may not be easy but look for how you can be financially independent, then run for your life and the sake of your little girl. when you are settled, you can then file for divource and move on with your life

  • Dear, you did what was naturally right at the time. Please stop blaming yourself for the split milk, it only worsen the situation.
    Now, the issue is running where? Do you have any secured and comfortable location in mind? How do you survive? (I mean financially). I believe that you can ran as far as you wish if and only if you can take care of the little girl, yourself and your sister. So please work your way around that and then make your move.
    But until then, trust me, a ship only sinks when water gets into it. Don’t allow the situation to get into you. Ignore as much abuse as you can , – don’t spend much time around your abusers, don’t expect any good thing such as compliments or reward of any kind from them.
    Also remember that you are responsible for your own happiness. -Create it, don’t allow ANYONE to waste your youth.

    Stay blessed and pray more. God is in control

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