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Dear MIMsters: Did I Make A Mistake Ending This Relationship Or Did I Dodge A Bullet?

Hello MIMsters,  I have been a fan of this page lately and I must say, your posts have been great. It led me to take this decision and that is why I decided to share my story. I would really appreciate your thoughts. Did I make a mistake or did I dodge a bullet?

I’m dating this guy that my married friend introduced to me. He travelled out and of the country and we had no communication. We started talking on WhatsApp and we’ve been truly in love since last year. He wanted me to be faithful in all areas, even on social media. That I have been, if I try to socialize he shuts me down and shouts at me as if I am a baby. He has my password, I freely gave it to him because I believed he was madly in love with me and was faithful as well.

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We saw for the first time in March this year, he was on vacation and we got to see each other. While he was abroad, he calls me like a mad man, but when he came to Nigeria I had to beg before he
called.  He visits me on weekends, we played around but we never had sex because I am a virgin at 22 and we agreed to save it for our marriage. I however, never liked the way he looked at ladies while we were at the bar. He would eventually turn around and tell me that no one looks as natural and beautiful as I do. He even kept staring at my sister’s bottom until I smilingly told him that it was enough.

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On his second visit, I had to break my phone in anger just to prove my innocence over someone that I called ‘dear’ and sent emoticon flowers and kisses to. I did that so that he would know that there was nothing more to it. On his 3rd visit, he created the first real impression of his unfaithfulness. We were at a bar and he asked me to go and clear the bills, he gave me money, but refused to come along with me.

Whilst I was there clearing the bills, he was outside giving the waitress a bluetooth kiss, I noticed because I saw her smiling and wasn’t concentrating, only for me to turn and saw him doing it. I was mad at him not because it was strange, but because I believed he wanted me to be faithful in all areas. When we got back to our hotel suite, I confronted him about it, he pleaded and said there was nothing more to it. I easily forgave him because I love him so much.

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He has my facebook password, so he logs in and chats with my friends anyhow. He calls me and shouts at me without considering the fact that I am at work and he is distracting me. Just last week, he did that again and out of anger I demanded for his own password. After much persuasion, he gave it to me, only for me to login and see heart breaking chats, calling girls endearing names like sweet sexy, perfect shape and all that stuff!

He never mentioned me to any of them, even when one of them asked him about his past relationship, he mentioned the lady he dated before me. I asked him about it, and he apologized, he even cried and was saying that it all happened before he came to see me, and that after we saw physically he had never chatted like that again. I expected him to be faithful, even before we met, after all, he demanded the same thing from me. It was really hard for me to forgive him this time, he broke my trust.

Now, I noticed another thing from his voice and my instincts kept pushing me to ask. I did and he confirmed that he takes cocaine. He told me that was the cause of his short temper and his abusive languages. He has been pleading and begging me not to go because I ended my relationship with him after reading up on violent marriages and their early signs. He has been calling me since morning, begging me not to leave him and I truly love him. I have been crying since last night, I told him  that I was done with the relationship because he hurt me so much.

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He has created a vacuum in my life, leaving him like that is not easy. I feel like calling him back, he promises to change if I stay with him. Seeing our picture together hurts, he is very romantic and could make a good father.

Please help me, did I make the right decision??? Could he really change as he promised?? Has there been any testimony of drug users like him who could really change??

7 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Did I Make A Mistake Ending This Relationship Or Did I Dodge A Bullet?”
  • YOU DIDN’T MAKE A MISTAKE BY ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP, INFACT YOU JUST DODGED A BULLET, SEVERAL BULLETS.
    Please am begging you with all that’s good in your life, DON’T CONSIDER TAKING HIM BACK.
    Marriage doesn’t change anyone, it only amplifies who you are,moreover, it takes more than love to make marriage work.
    It’s true you are hurting because you love him but believe me you will heal and love again, it’s a matter of time.
    Meanwhile, SEEK GOD FIRST,GIVE YOUR ALL TO HIM AND HE WILL GIVE YOU A MAN AFTER HIS OWN HEART.
    IT IS WELL WITH YOU.

  • Also,you can’t change a man, only God can change a man.
    So, many women have believed ‘he said he will change if I stay with him’ but are regretting that decision today.Sadly, Some are dead while some have lost precious years wasted in an abusive relationship.
    If he wants to change, let him do that on his own, you are not responsible for him.
    You have your whole life ahead of you which is more than the year(s) you have spwnt with him,please, don’t let him destroy your destiny.
    Please, let him go TOTALLY,you are better off without himhim.

  • My dear, you just escaped from a lifetime of misery. You made the right choice. A drug addict, a quick n bad tempered man n a chronic womanizer, dearie God has saved you from making the worst mistake of your life. Move on, your rightful man is close by.

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