”Fathers if your kids hide from you… you need to adjust”- Actor Yomi Fash Opens up on Fatherhood

Popular Yoruba actor and producer Yomi Fash Lanso, 49, has revealed that as a man, if you return home and your children are hiding at a corner, it shows you are not the commander of that home.

He revealed this in a recent interview with Punch where the father of three boys spoke about what fatherhood has taught him.

What does fatherhood mean to you?

Let me say parenthood and not fatherhood alone because it is a combination of both. Parenthood is a responsibility that parents shoulder together.

Fatherhood is thus a sole responsibility of the man as the mirror of the family to the extent that whatever happens in terms of the behavioural patterns of the children is traceable to the father.

Also, whatever the children become in life is linked to the father because they looked up to him when they were young. They copy the attitudes and ways of life of the father who is the mirror in which they see themselves.

When did you become a father?

It was in 2004; that was the year I started nursing children.

Was your child gender what you wished for?

Everybody wants to have a male child as far as I know. Only a few will say they don’t care about the gender of their children. I think it is an age-old notion which has no correlation anyway.

We procreate and believe that the gender will be determined by God even though science is trying to work out many things. I grew up with the belief that God is the doer of everything and that is my conviction.

Whichever gender anyone has, it is that the child will represent the person the way he or she wants to be represented. In my case, I have three boys.

How do you manage your career and roles as a father?

The important thing is that when one has a good woman as a wife, she will be there no matter how busy the husband is. She is the one that will make the children understand that their father is out trying to work to cater for the family.

She will tell them not to miss their father too much. When the father is at home, the children must know that he is at home with the way he relates with them. When a man is out of the house, the children should miss him and even disturb their mother to call him to know when he will be home.

If, as a father, you return home and your children are hiding at a corner, it shows you are not the commander of that home. You need to adjust.

Even if your children do anything wrong, they will still come to you and own up to what they did. They know that you will scold them, but you will do it lovingly.

But when you overdo things, they will run away from you. You can’t place a food before a mad man and hold a cane talk less of doing that to a sane person. From my point of view, I task all fathers to make their houses a home that they truly should be.

Do your children watch your movies?

Of course, they do. Whenever I am at home, I hardly watch TV.

Is any of them showing interest in your career?

I wouldn’t know for now because I let them go at their own pace. If anyone of them shows interest in my career later in life, I will give my blessing to the child.

In movies, you appear business-like. Would you describe yourself as a disciplinarian?

I am not, though one should insist on some things at times. I have smart and intelligent children. I don’t even talk at times. It is my reaction that they see and know what I want.

Our parents trained us using facial communication. We are children of facial communication and not verbal communication. My children only read my countenance and know if I am angry.

What training did you get from your father which is useful in correcting your children?

I learnt from my late father the use of facial communication. We would know what he wanted us to do and how to behave by merely looking at his face.

What is your major challenge as a father?

I have none. There is no challenge except one is not ripe and ready for a thing. I was raised by my parents; so, I was ready to raise my children too.

If you say they are stubborn, you were stubborn too. If you say they are playful, you were playful too except you want to say they are bastards. They are part of your gene.

What women’s role do you occasionally take up at home?

I wasn’t trained that way. Thank God I have a wife who will not even allow me to enter the kitchen. But that doesn’t mean I cannot cook.

Have you cooked for your family before?

Yes, I once cooked for them.

What did they say about your cooking?

You know, they will still complain. I see myself as a good cook so far I am the one that cooks the meal. Some people are good in cooking for a minimum of five persons but it becomes a problem when the number is large.

Do you agree with the views of some people that wives and husbands have specific roles in the home?

We have to look back in history. Egyptian women worked too. There is no limitation to any aspiration. Go ahead and pursue it vigorously but don’t use that to undermine the respect due to man.

God created man with ego. If you try to bruise that ego, there will be problem and that is the reason for friction in homes. The Bible admonishes man to love his wife and the woman to respect her husband.

Did you witness the birth of any of your children?

I didn’t because I was at work (location) on those days.

Would you have loved to do that?

Not really, I can’t stand blood and that is why I don’t fight.

How do you appreciate your wife for her roles at home?

I appreciate her in my own little way. I know that she appreciates whatever happens between me and her.

Tell us about your wife?

She is a good woman.

How do you keep away from scandals despite the nature of your job?

By understanding the industry that I am in, and it is not a rocket science to do that. It is important for one to be conversant with the industry one belongs to.

One should leave the kitchen if one is unable to stand the heat. When you know that the industry you are is about noise-making, paparazzi and all that, manage it.

Some entertainers don’t love the noise while some do. Al Pacino (Alfredo James) is an A-list American actor but one hardly reads about him in the newspapers. He is a great actor.

You don’t talk about your family on social media. What is the reason for that?

I am the actor and not my family. Is my family social media? It is for news-makers, celebrities and entertainers. I am the one my fans want to know and not my family.

My wife and children can move about and nobody will know who they are. I love it that way.

Did you nurse any fears before you became a father?

I didn’t nurse any fears. In life, one will have ups and downs. It is a frequency and it must come except one is not prepared to be a father.

Have you always wanted to be an actor?

Yes, since when I could differentiate my right hand from my left hand. I didn’t even tell my parents when I started acting. At the time, I had finished what I wanted to do and old enough. It is the career I want.

What did they say when they saw you in movies?

I initially denied but they got to know years later. I don’t allow stardom to influence me. I try to be myself off the camera. I want to be on my own lane and operate at my own level. I don’t pursue anybody and if anyone is pursuing me, it is that person’s wahala.

How do you reward your children’s good deeds?

I talk to them. I sit them down and discuss with them. I tell them why what they did is good and the reason to continue.

I don’t give them gifts because doing that is bribery. If the gifts are not coming again, it is a bad signal. I may give them gifts later but not on the basis of the good deeds.

What is your advice to children without father figure?

They should follow their paths and strive to do what is good always. When someone does something bad, one will know and reflect on it even in one’s privacy despite the initial bravado one makes in public about such a thing.

What would you have loved to do differently as a father?

There is nothing I would have loved to do differently as a father. In the aspect of my time, I have to work to provide for my family.

Yoruba say that a man who stays at home is the one called upon to assist in peeling melon. When you hear, “Please help me carry that bowl”, it is an indication that you have overstayed in the house.

A man is supposed to be on the go to cater for his family. When one’s children are of age, they too will see why their parents didn’t stay at home but had to work.

How do you discipline any of your children who act up?

I make the child feel bad by not taking him out with me. The child will grow cold and feel bad with a resolve to be of good behaviour.

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