Dear MIMsters: I Am Afraid No One Else Would Want to Marry Me After This

I am afraid no one else would want to marry me after this…

I am 32 years old and I’ve been married for 8 years now with two lovely girls aged 7 and 6. The problem with my marriage and husband has been from the foundation. I thought it would get better as the years go by but it hasn’t.

Hubby and I do not make decisions together. He makes decisions with his mum. I could be sick at home  for days and he would not even ask what’s wrong with me until he gets to hear from outsiders.

What hurts me the most is when I sometimes travel because of my work, if I don’t call him while I am away, he will never call to check on me. If I ask him why he doesn’t show concern, he will tell me he knows I am a strong woman and will be Ok.

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The house we live in is in the name of his mother and I am only a witness. He jointly did it with her. I am not a part of any decision taken in the house.

I see married couples everyday and I know mine is not great as we don’t even sleep in the same room. Hubby comes to my room only when he wants to have sex and leaves afterwards. It is not like he is the only breadwinner in the family. I support 80 percent of the expenses at home, yet, I feel so lonely.

I have complained to pastors who have called hubby to speak with him but the issue is still the same. I now feel we were never meant for each other from the onset. We got married because I got pregnant. However, since then, I have tried my best to make it work.

Last night, I called hubby and told him I want a separation as I am not OK with all that is happening and he agreed, saying if that will make me happy. He also said that he will be OK if the children go with me but can visit him on weekends. I was surprised at how he easily accepted my decision.

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My fear is will anyone marry a woman who already has two kids and what will people say especially the church as I am very active church member? I am fully employed and have other businesses as well and can therefore take care of myself and the kids which I am already doing.

22 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Am Afraid No One Else Would Want to Marry Me After This”
  • am very sorry maam dat man is an animal his mother is d one dats controlling dat man his a d most foolish person on earth for heaven sake two children he dosent love u he married u bcos of d pregnancy .trust me ma u will cee beta man dats y we shud be praying God shud give us our own husband his nt ur for u did u do court marriage if u had he will neva try rubbish wit u for wier even wen u came wit d idea of seperating he will be begging ni he knows all his property is for u and ur children .sue im to court his a mad man .sure some one will marry u sure bur mek sure u are watchful again.tekia ma wish u luck

  • Whilst u r not wrong in expecting all these from your husband, don’t forget is not your god. The mistake was from the beginning; u married bcos u got pregnant for him. If he has accepted the separation, move on with your life if u think u’d b fine with it. There r many women like u Who have moved on. The good thin is, u don’t depend on him for your daily bread.

  • Of course u can still be married even with those 2 kids our God is a march maker,u can’t deny yoself happiness just leave that man if u not happy let the rite man rocate u in Jesus’s name.

  • Sweetheart,
    what’s important is ur ability to care for ur children.
    If marriage comes ur way again, good. If it doesn’t u will be just fine with ur kids.

  • Hi
    Was very happy when you implied you believe in God. You know there is nothing too hard for him to change. Dont divorce him yet. Stay married to him and show more interest in his life. Love and submit to him as a wife should. Since you are also well established you can also start working on your own property. But dont hide it from him. Treat him better, live him harder, make him happy and above all pray fervently for him. Then he will be able to tell the difference between a wife and a mother. I know you love him so go for him because he is yours.

  • Dear sister,

    I’m really sorry for what you are going through. One thing you have to do is to accept the reality:”your husband doesn’t love you”. You were never meant for each other. The decision that you have taken is the wisest one. Your are beautiful , intelligent and hard working woman that any man will love to have as a wife. This man doesn’t deserve you. If your marriage hasn’t work, it’s not because you are bad woman but because you married a wrong person who was never yours from the beginning.
    My dear, you deserve all the happiness in the world. Being single doesn’t make you less of a woman.
    Be strong and prayerful. Don’t mind about what people will say for you have your own life to live.
    Leave this man, he was never yours. Ask God to give you peace and joy and everything will be OK.
    Take good care of yourself to take good care of your little one.
    Happiness will find you, believe.
    God bless you dear.

    • My dear, all you need is to marry the Holy spirit. He is the only one that can give you peace that you are looking for in your husband, that is what most women like us believe but at the end …will be frustrated because we didn’t get what we wanted. So my dear sister, it is better than divorcing your husband. Pls think about it and I believe that God will help you make the right decision . Stay blessed.

  • Hmmm, quit a bitter truth but I want to tell u dt our God hates sepration, pls take ur time n knee down n pray to God, He odains marriage, n there is no beta man witout d intervention of God in dt marriage, spent quality time daily n pray for ur husband n u will see chances, 1st start spiritually n u will see it physically, ask God for his grace on ur home n help u to be a beta wife, for him to accept it, dt means he too is not enjoyin d home, my mum told us to stay in our marriage bcos of d kids, am a testimony of God’s hand in my home n I knw he will do it for u, u can contact me n we will talk. I will start prayin for ur home also, cos it must work in Jesus name

  • You make every thing sound like you are the perfect one, You need to look inwards at what byou are also doing wrong. For the fact that he accepted you with your pregnancy when hes not married to you and went ahead to commit shows hes got some conscience and have a heart. You siad you guys are leaving in separate rooms, whose making is this? you didnt say any thing about have to sit him down for a heart to heart talk, all your write up makes you sound like a perfect woman. I think you shoukld check your self and be sure you have invested enough love in this union to deserve same. There is not much out there, marriages most time is what you sew is what you reap. Try and change your approach and see what happens. Good Luck

  • We cannot judge by listening to one side of the story. I have many examples of both men and women coming to you to complain about their spouses and after when you hear from the other side, you will be surprised. I will advise that you keep calm and check where the problem started. Was it like this from begining? Do you know it is possible your actions are telling him you are well enough, you can do without him? action speaks louder than voice. From your words, ‘ he will tell me he knows I am a strong woman and will be Ok’. Dont always look at the negative side, he must have his good sides too. Befriend the Holy Spirit and He will give you a way around it. If you leave him now and you get married again and the other man has issues, will you leave that one too? I am sure there is a way if you are willing to make it work. Thanks.

  • most men do what ur husband is doing, some go to the extreme. First you most try to change perspective of your life, you have centered your happiness around your husband, Change it to God Almighty, have a good relationship with your siblings and parents. It’s not easy. A man can change his wife but cannot have or change his mother. Another approach is to have a good relationship with his mother

  • The fact that u got married bcuz u got pregnant is vry wrong.u shd ve waited after delivery.marriage isnt an easy thing at all.may God ease our pains n suffering.Ameen!!!

  • Hmm your husband is not himself.. his mother may have cast a spell on him. Cus it’s strange for a woman will buy a house with her married son..since your a Christian ask God to reveal to you what may be behind this.. also ask Him to put the qualitys of ur husband in this man you have married. I understand why you want out but honestly 8 yrs is not long enough to turn ur back on your marriage. A separation may help but u need to be sure that is what God is sayin.as to getting a new man it depends some tribes are very particular about marrying women with children but by and large Nigerians are becoming more open minded about such and you should be able to find a new man. However let me tell you that there is no guarantee the new one will be better, depending on how bad things are I bekive if you water ur grass it can flourish. I’ve seen people go through crap n then suddenly in the 10th year people get it right. Don’t look at other marriages n think yours is the worst as long as your life is nor in danger there is hope. God help you with what ever choice u make.

  • Pple will call u names, say all sorts of bad tinz abt u(those dat kno u n those dat dont even kno u), they will insult u, dey will tell u to endure..
    My advise to u is to forget wat pple will say n do wats best for u. Babe u need ur peace of mind n joy. Haba, abt weda anoda man will c u n luv u irrespective of 2 kids? Men yakpa, dem plenty but d tin is ur happiness does nt depend on a man(ur happiness n fulfillment comes from God), learn to love ursef n den luv ursef, be u, do ryt n above all love God n draw closer to him cos he is d source of all we hv n are. God will gv u peace n bring d ryt person to u, u just gat to gv God a chance. U n u alone knows where d shoe ure wearing is itching u. U n God alone must walk this path

  • Please dear, I will suggest that you don’t leave your matrimonial home .
    1st, being a single mother of two kids is not easy one not because you have to play the role of both father and mother to them. Believe me, you aren’t ready for that.
    2nd, this second guy you expect to meet won’t be an angel, he will definitely coming with his own baggage of imperfections.

    3rd, the manner at which your husband supported your idea of leaving even with the kids, don’t be surprise if he only visits the kids for 2 weekends and he disappears and also withdraws his fatherly role in their lives (for this country and present reccession that most people can’t even take care of themselves alone talk more of kids).
    Besides, he can defend himself by saying that he never sent you away and your children will grow up hating you for breaking the bond between them and their father because of your own desire.

    Remember, this guy can easily get married to another person and that’s all. So, if he has serectly planned with his mother to send you away by making life unbearable for you, don’t give that devil the chance.

    Lastly, there is nothing new under this sun, my mother went through almost the same situation but ow, we are grown and the story is automatically changed.
    Always remember, no grass is greener. Every marriage is dealing with some battles but only your true friends can ever open up and tell you their stories.

    So dear, endurance is the key.

    Always remember that you are the woman of the home, pray out your husband from the spell of his mother. Create your own #war_room.
    May God give you around peace, Amen

  • My dear please leave as soon as u can, that man doesn’t love u. What hurts is to be with a man who doesn’t love you, u cant be in pain for the rest of your life sweetheart, please u are still young and beautiful have faith in God as u live to find happiness. You will find love one day and even if u don’t find one God has blessed u with two adorable kids, they will entertain u and make u the most happy woman on earth. stay blessed

  • I commend your courage for leaving a loveless marriage . Your husband and his mom think you are not up to the level of the wife they should marry but he can come and be sleeping with you. Even if this man has feelings for you , he will be afraid to express it because he will be afraid of what his mother will say.
    You’ve done the right thing and getting another husband is not a problem. Just make sure you dress well and keep fit. At 32 I had 3 kids and I had men chasing me and they even used to say I was lying that I was married,

    Don’t make getting married your focus, concentrate on being happy, enjoy your freedom!

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