Dear MIMsters: Are these flags red enough to call off our wedding?

Are these flags red enough to call off our wedding?

I met Dare 8 months ago in church. He is a Sunday School teacher in my church. Our youth Pastor introduced me to him and we got talking and somehow, we clicked.

Dare started showing signs of impatience and anger but I thought that he was just being possessive. Whenever he sees another guy, also a church member talking to me, only talking to me, he’ll start acting strange. He will just get cold and speak to me in only monosyllabic until I coax and beg him.

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Then he proposed to me with a ring in church during one of our youth meetings, in front of everyone . I was shocked but at the same time so excited that I said yes immediately.

I told my parents and we started making plans for our wedding. His family came to meet mine for the official introductions and date has been fixed for the traditional and church wedding.

Even though I’m young, I run a business which I started while in school and it has become quite successful. I sell hair. Dare then tells me that I will have to quit the business and get a nine to five job because he wants a career woman for a wife, not a business woman because having a career is more secure than having a business. This troubled me but I kept it to myself.

It’s one month to our wedding and we had an argument in the apartment that his parents paid for, and he told me to shut up. I stood up and said, you cannot shut me up. The next thing, he got up and pushed me out of his apartment, telling me to get out. He threw my bag at me and slammed the door to my face.

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That same evening, he called but I didn’t pick his calls. He came over the next day and has been begging. I am quite scared of getting married to this man who is exhibiting these signs already. Are these flags red enough to call off the wedding? I do not want to be another domestic violence statistics. Please advise me on what to do.

7 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Are these flags red enough to call off our wedding?”
  • You should call it off my dear. God has shown you all the signs already and he proposed to you because he wants to possess you. You were not ready to marry him but he took you by surprise.
    You need to tell your parents all what you have observed and you want to call off the wedding. I know they may want to convince you to continue and even be angry with you but please stick to your decision. When you marry him, he will be worse and your life will be miserable. He has many issues to deal with- anger, violence, insecurity and low self esteem. Don’t think he will change or you can cope or you can fix it through prayers. If his parents could not fix him, then definitely not you.
    Let your parents call his parents and tell them they are having some issues about the wedding that they should suspend it till when they are ready.. At the same time stop seeing Dare, change your church then travel for a holiday .
    When you return tell him your decision.

  • This is serious and u need to be very careful before you enter into a journey of no return. As a christian i think u need to table it before God to know if this brother is really the will of God or the will of your pastor. If a sunday school teacher can not control his anger and push u out of his apartment, I think God is carefully giving you a sign that u need to look into. Dont mind what anyone may say, it better for 10 years courtship to be separated than one day marriage. Pray and Pray for God direction and leading. shalom

  • Crimson red, ruby woo red, every red please call it off biko before it is too late. A man shouldn’t push a woman out no matter the argument.

  • Please run! He met you running your own business, if he wants to marry someone who works 9-5, he should look elsewhere. Sending you out of his house? That’s a no-no. Abusive men (and women) usually show signs before marriage. These are tell tale signs. All the best

  • These are enough red flags to flee. Thanks to God the marriage ceremony is still a month ahead. Stop the wedding now even if your parents does not buy the idea. Change the church you attend, stop talking to the pastors for now. Travel for 3 months if you can. Come back when everyone have accepted their fate.

  • Please leave the relationship because a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. These characteristics will get worse after marriage ….trust me

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