Is this Enough Reason For My Son To Slice His Own Wrist?
Is this enough reason for my son to slice his own wrist?
As I looked at Kolade dying on the hospital bed, I wondered how I ever got to this point. How could I have allowed a replay of my own upbringing in my home? How could I have been so thoughtless? I didnât even have the slightest inclination that Kolade was suicidal. How could I have known? Everything seemed normal with all my children. As a matter of fact, Kolade seemed the happiest of my children. So what was the matter, here?
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I grew up in a family of six with both parents. I was the eldest of my parentsâ children; we were all girls. Amongst the four of us, I was incontestably the most laid back. I struggled with virtually every aspects of life, and my mother was ever quick to point my shortcomings out to me.
She would often ask God why He had to âblessâ her with a daughter like me. My self-esteem was irredeemably damaged by the time I was graduating from the University. Unlike all my sisters who had graduated before they were 18 years old, I did not gain admission into the university until I was 25 years old, and even at that, I had an extra year, and graduated with a 3rd class at the age of 30. My mother had a field day âpraisingâ my failure at my convocation ceremony.
And I couldnât go for NYSC because age wasnât on my side anymore.
When I was going through my extra year at the university, I met Goke; a PhD student who didnât seem to see my failure. He fell head over heels in love with me. He loved me with all my flaws and couldnât wait to marry me. For the first time ever, my mother said something pleasant about me.
She was eager to marry me off to Goke and when my father proffered that they investigated Gokeâs background, my mother lied that the pastor had confirmed that Goke was the man for me. And it truly turned out that Goke and I were made for each other.
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Everything we touched turned to gold. We celebrated our 10 years wedding anniversary in style. We have 3 children- all boys. We have properties in choice areas. As at when we were celebrating 10 years of marriage, none of my younger sisters was married. I had attempted to match make them with some of my husbandâs friends but it never worked out. As a matter of fact, I am certain that my sisters hate me. They have no regards for me at all. I remember those years when my mother would ask them to sing and jeer at me especially when we would all return home with our results from school after exams. Both my immediate and the next sisters met me in class and left me behind. I eventually graduated with the last child of the family; I am 7 years older than her. They did not have any regards for me and the hatred was very thick.
âMrs. Cokerâ, Dr. Grace called me and I was jolted back to the present.
âWe may be needing more blood for Kolade, and I do not advise that you donate any more blood. You have done enough. Maybe your husband can give his son some blood, too. When will he be coming back to townâ, Dr. Grace probed?
I realized that I havenât even told Goke.
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Goke had always discouraged me from my style of âmotivatingâ Kolade but I thought it was better than the way my own mother had consistently put me down. I have always told myself that I would not treat any of my children the way my own mother treated me but I just couldnât help it. Kolade was just impossible! How can a child be âbadâ at almost everything?!
I have never talked down at Kolade.
I only compare him with his brothers in good faith. I only wanted him to pattern his life after theirs. I only want him to watch both his elder and younger brothers and follow in their footsteps. I only tell him things like, âKolade, why are you like this? Can you not see Jide and Tola? Can you not see how good they are at the things they do? Kolade, your daddy and I love you and we want the best for you. Help us to be proud of you! Your brothers make us proud, and we want you to do the same. Please, Kolade! I am begging you. Emulate your brothers!â
Are my words of encouragement out of line?
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Is that why Kolade would slice his own wrist with blades?
He left a note for me. He says he wants to relieve me of the sorrow I have because he cannot be as good as his brothers.
Kolade, why?! Why!!!
I have never mistreated you, why will you do this to me?
Putting down and comparing your kids with friends or their siblings are almost the same. No two children are the same not even twins. I think it Is best parents allow their kids be. Praise even their failures and tell them they can do better.
Telling one of your kids to try to be as good as the others is like judging a fish by its inability to climb a tree or telling a fish to try it best to always climb a tree just like the monkeys. No two kids are the same and every of your child will be good in their own different ways. Never compare your kids, when you do you make them lose their self Worth and confidence at a very sender age. When this happen it leads to a long term depression and make the child loses focus on those things he’s also good at. We all have potentials and we need an enabling environment, the right frame of mind and the right people in our lives to help us harness those potentials. Thanks.