Dear MIMsters: Was I Wrong To Stop My Husband’s Married Friend From Doing This?

I am a Ghanaian, my husband is a Nigerian and we both live in the U.S. Was I wrong to stop this?

This Thanksgiving, my husband’s married friend and best friend who lives in the U.K with his family but running a doctorate course in the States, came to visit. He came with a young woman who he introduced as a course mate. We had a good dinner and lots fun. He was supposed to spend the whole holidays with us, that is from Thursday to Sunday, but I had no idea he was bringing someone with him and neither did my husband.

Later that evening, I saw this guy kissing his so called “course mate.” I could not believe my eyes. I called my husband into our bedroom and told him I was not happy with this since I know he is married with two kids. I’ve met his wife and she is such a lovely lady. My husband agreed with me and we went back to the living room to ask him when the lady will be leaving and he said she will be sharing the guest room with her.

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My husband told him he was sorry but we were not comfortable with that. The lady got upset and said that they were adults who can do whatever they want. I told her we were Christians and do not condone that. They took their luggage and left.

Now my SIL is blaming me for destroying my husband and BFF’s friendship which started since they were toddlers and that if my marriage is going to work, I must understand the yoruba culture and know my place. Did I do something wrong by deciding to please God instead of man? What has this got to do with culture? From the look of things the whole family is angry with me and not my hubby, please advice me.

Thank you and God bless.

40 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Was I Wrong To Stop My Husband’s Married Friend From Doing This?”
  • You did the right thing dear, let them say what they like your husband friend wife will be so pleased with you when she heard what u guys did. Abeg rest your mind jaree

  • I applauded your boldness and bravery. You and your husband have done the right thing cos tomorrow if your husband’s BFF wife discovers that he brot his concubine to your place, it wud be another tune you would be dancing to. Same siblings would rain down abuses on you. Don’t let dem bring you. Stand your right and let your husband talk to them.

  • You did very well.If God and your husband are happy with you any other person can go to hell.It’s your family,they should face theirs

  • Forget them jare you did the right thing…. I pray it happens to that ur SIL at lease she will kw how painful it is

  • My dear forget them and hand over your own marriage to God so ur man won’t end up like his so called friend…. focus ur attention on ur own little home

  • Don’t mind her (abi them) jare that’s how some of them behave, respecting culture more than God. If she has any greviances then she should channel it to her brother. Don’t let it trouble you a bit.

  • Somethings are worth your family being mad at you. If you condoned it, wouldn’t it be giving a free pass to your hubby to do the same? What would Jesus do? Go and sleep soundly my sister.

  • Hmmm this is bad! What kind of family and culture is that? God have mercy. I don’t know what to advice on this issue but I must commend you for sending them away. BFF my ass!

  • You didn’t do anything wrong.I’ld do same if I was in your position.You stood for what is right;because I don’t know what your hubby’s friend was trying to do by bringing his gf to your home under the guise of coursemate.
    Your hubby and his friend need to know where to draw the line when it comes to dealing with their wives.
    As for the family they should go and sleep jare,promoting nonsense in the name of culture.

  • Don’t mind them..you did the right thing and if they’re not ok with your standards let them hug transformer mtchewwww…please watch your hubby cos for the guy to bring that girl over hmmm*best of the same feather flocks together*, it may not be so…As for your SIL am happy she’s a woman may such befall her…Ignore them, focus on your family and pray always.

  • pls ma!!…You are a darling!..God bless you, ….do u know if u have allowed them to mess around in your home, you have automatically polluted your home and invited all spirits of perversion and adultery…..It’s your home and not your sis in law’s, you took your place as a wife and woman of God and protected your home…Your sis in law is entitled to her own opinion, you don’t have to argue with her….

    Plus, that your hubby’s friend is so disrespectful, he had the audacity to do that……God is proud of you jare, ignore it all…..Men don’t keep thing to heart, your hubby and him will sort out their issue…

  • Dear u did the right thing, God is so much pleased with you & hubby…it’s better to please God dn man…well done

  • Very very right, just imagine if the situation was the other way round. That is to show you the family will turn a blind eye to his cheating way. Please joor you did right thing forget about culture for a min. As a christian, you are 100 per cent right. Let him take his nonsense elsewhere.

  • They sure are encouraging adultery… How can they? That’s height of irresponsibility from your Hubby’s family. Lastly, be sure your hubby also dnt flaunt gfs in the presence of his friends, if not his friend wldnt v had the effontry to bring a strange lady to your matrimonial home.

  • Abeg!! 3 GBOSA for you cos i cant such self. forget about christianity or not. and for your SIL, just tell her that her husband will do same to her and see her reaction. I bet she cant take it.

  • Abeg!! 3 GBOSA for you cos i cant Tolerate such self. forget about christianity or not. and for your SIL, just tell her that her husband will do same to her and see her reaction. I bet she cant take it.

  • Seriously? I can’t believe hubby’s family is angry with you. Smh.That your hubby’s friend is very disrespectful for bringing his concubine to come and spend some days with you guys.You did the right thing dear. God bless you for that

  • You need to talk to your husband to talk to his family because they are reacting that way based on what he told them. Stand your ground what you did is right has nothing to do with Nigerian culture.

  • You did the right thing! It was a despicable act….under your roof? That man has no shame from your hubby’s family reaction it shows that they would condone such if done to yoy

  • u did d right thing.just dat ur husband’s people have sumtn against u.probably because u not yoruba.

  • My advice is this, if their name is not God then their opinion doesn’t matter. Just keep pleasing God. I wish I can have a family friend like you.

  • Bravo to you and your husband. Shame on your husband’s friend for trying to turn your home into an alter of sin. Shame on your sister in law for trying to make you feel bad about protecring your home and marriage. If you had condoned this act, what message would you be sending your husband, thats its okay to be adulterous in some situations? Honor and respect your God, it is only Him you should fear and only His opinion you should worry about on issues of sin and unfaithfulness.

  • Madam you dis the right thing and since your husband is happy with you that’s all you need don’t worry about his family they’ll come around soon

  • My dear you have done very well. Just ignore them. They are called busy body. What your hubby’s friend did is very disrespectful and he should be ashamed of himself. Ignore them and concentrate on your marriage. Kudos to you.

  • I wish I knew you personally. You have given me hope. If more women were like you n more families did what you did our society would be good n adultery n children out of wedlock would not be rampant. You are a very good example of how a mother /women should be n values to uphold

  • Since ur husband isnt angry with u, then u re good. D relatives ll later come round, if u didn’t talk that means u don’t have problem with ur husband doing same. Nd its better to please God than satisfy human, in addition d man’s wife ll be so grateful to u

  • Madam you did the right thing!

    Your husband’s friend actually abused your hospitality and your response was accurate.

    If he wanted to cheat on his wife he should done it somewhere else!

    Please ignore what your husband’s people are saying and move on with your life.

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