Dear MIMsters: How Do I Tactfully Cut Ties With My Backstabbing Sister?

How do I tactfully cut ties with my backstabbing sister without hurting my parents.

When I was single, I left a man I was dating at that time because he forcefully used his finger to disvirgin me. Six months after I called off the relationship, I began to hear people talking about my sister going after the same guy and starting a relationship with him.

My sister denied it all when I confronted her.

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When I was in school, there was this day I needed this same guy’s help. So, I sent him a text message, asking for his help. This was after I had called off the relationship. He didn’t reply my text message, so I decided to forget about him and got someone else to help me.

When I traveled back home, I used my sister’s mobile phone to make a call and decided to check her messages afterwards. I did and saw many things that shocked me. One particular conversation was about when I asked him for help back then at school. He told my sister that the reason why he didn’t respond to my message asking for help was because he wasn’t sure whether I was truthful about needing help or  was I just trying to set him up. My sister responded, telling him not to help me, that she doesn’t want anything or anyone to come between them even me, her sister. This blew my mind but I didn’t not confront or say anything to her about my discovery.

To cut the whole story short, even though I am married now, any time she visits me, I don’t just feel happy or comfortable with her presence. I don’t feel secured  going out and leaving her at home with my family. She is no longer with the guy now. He even came later with some members of his family and friends to beg me and I have forgiven him.

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So my question now is: I would like to stop my sister from coming to my house but I do not know how to do that such that my parents will not be badly hurt. My reason is not just because she’s backstabbed me and likes following men, but also because she doesn’t listen to advice, always acting as if she knows better than everyone else.  

3 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: How Do I Tactfully Cut Ties With My Backstabbing Sister?”
  • Don’t discuss your husband or family with her.
    Set boundaries now and let her know how long she’s allowed to stay for whenever she comes visiting.

  • You need to do damage control now. I’d just come out and tell her how you feel and that she crossed the line and you no longer wish to have her in your presence any longer. I had to do the same with my sister as she was a total backstabber, she was nice as could be to my face but later found out she was telling ppl lies and calling me derogatory names, she is also very jelous of my life because i made something of it and hers is miserable , i also later found out she had tried calling my employer to spread lies and in hopes of me losing my job. so i assessed the situation and realized if someone who is supposed to be family is doing such horrible things and i am always left feeling down in this person’s presence then its time to remove the toxic person, and in doing so i no longer feel anxiey or worried this person is spreading hate about me. Just end the toxic bs. If they can’t be normal and want to be there for you, then cut them out of your life now before they do anymore damage!

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