Dear MIMsters: How Do I Know My Abusive Husband Who Wants Me Back Has Changed?
I’ve been married to my abusive husband for just a year and I’m already emotionally sick. There is no week that passes without him quarreling with me.
Sometimes he will just frown and refuse talking to me for days, nor will he eat my food. If I ask him what the problem is, he will tell me that he enjoys making me sad, that he is tired of me.
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I do everything a wife is expected to do make him happy, things like cooking tasty meals, keeping the house neat, dressing sexy, neat and attractive and being good in bed. He does not call me any pet names at all, nor say anything to compliment my efforts, rather he capitalizes on any little mistake I do to beat me mercilessly.
He is a medical doctor and I’m a graduate working with the federal ministry of interior. He married me when I was already working, so I’m not a burden to him. He hit me on my tummy when I was 8 months pregnant and I started bleeding. I nearly lost my life and my baby but as God will have it, I delivered safely. My parents warned him, even his relatives pleaded with him to stop beating me but he continued.
Last week, he hit me on my face, lips and tooth. One of my incisor tooth starting shaking and I vomited blood. My 8 months-old son was crying. My offense was that I put beverage in his custard without his instructions.
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Furthermore, he disrespects my parents and has openly and verbally insulted them when they wanted to preach peace to him. Now, this last time he hit my tooth, I told him that I can’t continue with the marriage because I have told him before how bad his beatings hurt.
Now, that my that I have returned to my parent’s he has been pleading with me to come back. How do I know if he’s really changed? I wish for my son to have the best dad.
Hmmmmm! My dear dnt be too fast ti go bk if he realy wants u bk let him sign undertaken dt he wouldnt beat u again if nt pls remain were u’r unless u want to die in his hand.
Do they ever change? They never do. That man could have killed u. Just a year and he’s already like this? Omo stay where you are for the now until u are fully convinced he’s changed if not move on. Say no to domestic violence dearie.
Hmmm, he even has the guts to tell you he enjoys making you sad?
Message.. Move on with your life cause you might not survive it next time… Some men don’t kw what de hv till de lose it
I’m just short of words, if he has anger issues, let him go for help first and then both families should have a meeting with you two along side your spiritual leader(s). Make sure he sign an undertaking never to beat you again. Else a legal action can be taken against him. Pray for him as well.
Real men don’t beat… My dear don’t be in haste to welcome him back, take ur time and recover from all d mess u have undergo. It takes time and grace of God for men like him to change. It is well
My dear take your time to cool down in your parents house and be observing from afar. Don’t allow him deceive you home. Also if you must go your parents should mandate him to sign an undertaking in a police station or they will not allow you back there.
Dear if u must go back make him to sign an undertaken that he will never lay his filty hands u again
Pls don’t be in a hurry to go back. He needs help. Get him to comit to seeing a therapist. And allow him finish the course and let the therapist tell u it’s ok b4 u even THINK of going back.. be advised : he CANNOT change on his own!
He’s a useless sadist who just wants to transfer his aggression on u…. Be careful Sha!
what if it’s a trap? what if he’s going to beat u for even having the guts to leave him? a man dat could verbally abuse his in laws to their faces is sick in the head and has no form of respect. my advice is don’t go back yet. u could wait for about 6months to 1year to observe him. within this period, I’m sure his true character will come out.
Hmmmmmnmmm this one pass me o some people r wicked
Give him another chance but he must sign an undertaking with your parents not to ever maltreat you again.
He has not changed o. Let him be on his own for a while until u heal both emotionally and physically
U guys have said it all,am speechless
Some men are so mean and heartless. My dear move on with ur life before he kills u.
Don’t be too fast to go back. Infact, target 6 months atleast so he knows ur worth. Make sure he signs understating in front of ur patents, his ppl and police that he won’t lift his hands on u
Since u are comfortable where u are for now, please enjoy ur life there, if he really want u back, let him bring his family and write an undertake also if u die today, ur son will live.
In year 2003 precisely, my landlord daughter had similar experience without crying out for a way out, she eventually died in Ayinke hospital during womb flush process, later when we saw what she wrote on her diary between her and the husband, it was terrible so my Dear be wise.
My sister do u know what is called “osor ”
It means run. U need to b alive for ur son, the worst tin u’ll allow urself do is to die because of a man. If u do, sorry, before u say Jack he’s in d hands of another woman. Am not saying u should leave ur marriage but u need to give him space n time. There should b a time of sober reflection for him. Don’t b in a hurry to go back to him, let him miss u n hunger for u, so that eventually u go back to him, he will fear losing u again. All the same commit it to God cos it’s him alone that can really change anyone. Good luck my dear may God strengthen u, marriage is not easy.
Message..I don’t know why some men beat up their wives. Dear poster please don’t be in a hurry to go back to him. He must signal undertaken that he will never beat u again. He wants u to come back now because he needs u to cook,wash his clothes, etc… Your marriage is just one year. Haba! Hmmmm.
i wont suggest you be in a hurry to go back to him. Let him sign an undertaking with your lawyer that he would never try it and if he does, a divorce would be granted plus he would be charged to court for abuse. cos that is a case of abuse and domestic violence.
Please start building a new life for yourself and ur son. I have know some wife beaters but this is extreme, your life is in serious danger with this fool, move on and don’t look back.
My dear, this is 21st century, say no to domestic violence, do everything possible to put an end to it, or else stay where you are until you are physically and emotionally healed, if you think he has changed, involve the law to ensure he does not return back to his old self. You are better off single if being married makes you a slave.
I have some questions for you-U want ur son to have d best dad n lose a mum?Would u want him to be handed over to a step mum?Do u call a wife beater d best dad?Do u know d effects of watching his dad beat mum on him?My dear remain where u are or u might not live to tell d story in d next round of beating
My dear,if I were you,I will never go back to him
Let him go for counselling first
You want the best dad for your son, that man is no where near a good dad not to talk of best. He’s the worst sample of what a man should be. Regarding your health and sanity, you should not be any where around him. Don’t wait till he maimed you or do worse before you take drastic measures.
Please move on.. Even if he writes an undertaking it won’t bring you back from the dead, because that is where I see this kind of marriage heading, if possible start a new life, I know it won’t be easy but please for the sake of son and all the good pleasures of life… Move on… Because men like that don’t ever change!
Babez, tank God for ur life. I will advise u stay with ur paeents at d moment to be sure he is a changed person.
I am happy that women have learned judging from responses above,please madam if you prefer to have your son grow with his father and not his mother then return,i strongly advise you not to return,i have been in such a situation,i ran with my kids and never looked back,and that was the best decision i have ever made and don’t your kid will be fine. I pray God give you the strength to make the right decision.