Dear MIMsters: Am I Wrong to Ask My Wife to Apologize?

Continued from Part 1

Am I wrong to ask my wife to apologize?

When my son turned one, we had a birthday party for him and Janet this time around, ensured that no member of my family and their friends were well served. Even my father was refused a drink. Can you imagine what the reason for the denial was? He had been given a canned malt drink earlier and he was asking for another! Can you imagine that!

When Agnes told the guy serving drinks that that was the grandfather of the day, and that he actually brought three cartoons of Canned Malt drinks with him to the party, the guy said to her, “So hin go finish all the drinks because nah hin bring them?”

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Needless to say, most of my people left the party early and angry. My eldest brother and his wife, Agnes stayed outside town so they had to sleep over at our place. Agnes asked for food in the evening and Janet brought pounded yam without meat for my brother and his wife to eat. She explained that the meat was exhausted at the party. Agnes then prevailed on her husband to please eat the food and understand Janet’s plight.

In the night, when everybody was asleep, unknown to Janet that Agnes wasn’t sleeping yet: she was praying at a corner in the sitting room, Janet snuck out of our room with a cooler filled with fried meat and chicken which she had hidden in the room, and Agnes saw her with it. She was going to keep the cooler in the freezer when Agnes caught her red-handed. She however did not raise any alarm but … Now the battle line has been drawn between my wife and me against my family members including all the other wives.

This is what happened next.

We had our second child and at the christening, Agnes brought a caterer who attended to all the people who came with my parents, brothers and their wives. It was like we were having two ceremonies simultaneously. I could see the joy on the faces of my people. The naming ceremony was actually ‘divided’ into two. For you to know that Agnes meant this battle with my wife, she ensured that everyone from my side of the family was well fed and also had more food to take home with them. She obviously was well prepared!

I felt bad about what Agnes did and I confronted her about it but my mother wouldn’t hear of it. She and every member of my family have been hailing Agnes ever since and my wife is being ignored. In fact, that very day, unlike previous times, Agnes and her husband slept in a hotel down my street. Can you imagine?

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Agnes has scored another high, and even though I am very displeased with what she did, I truly think my wife caused it.

Now, everyone keeps away from our home. I have asked Janet to apologize to my mother and probably Agnes, too but she wouldn’t hear of it.

I miss my people, I miss having them around me, and I miss Agnes because she is a very kind person. She treats everyone in my family like kings. Even when we have financial issues, Agnes is our ‘go-to’ person but because of what she did at my second child’s christening, I have kept my distance from her. I miss her sisterly counsel and help; she is older and wiser. She works with the Federal government and she has been instrumental to the level of financial comfort everyone in my family possess. She helps us secure mouthwatering deals, and this she has done for even Janet. Agnes gives without holding back.

In fact, apart from Janet, the other three wives love to be around Agnes. She is generous to them and she gives them godly counsel. She also warmly welcomes everyone into her own home. No one goes into my eldest brother’s home and leaves empty-handed. Agnes sees to their comfort which explains why everyone- old and young loves her so much. Everyone but Janet!

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Am I wrong to ask my wife to apologize for her role in this discord? Is Janet right to accuse Agnes of causing the current conflict in my family? And how do I handle this situation?

4 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Am I Wrong to Ask My Wife to Apologize?”
  • Untill you stop comparing your wife with Agnes you will never enjoy ur wife and marriage. Agnes canot occupy your brothers place and also yours. Even if your wife is a demon, with love and patience u can bring out the best in her.

    No woman will like a situation where her husband compares her with another all the time. Please work on your self and marriage and stop this uneccessary comparison. Your wife might not be bad after all but only acting up due to the image ur family is already painting of her and u not protecting or supporting her.

  • untill you stop comparing janet to Agnes, u will not have peace or enjoy your marriage. No woman will like to be constantly compared to another. Your wife might not be a terrible person, but only acting up due to the image you and your family has painted of her.

    Agness can not occupy your brothers house and also occupy yours. I believe with love and patience, you can bring out the best in your wife. support and protect her and together u can best work out how best ur family can be well treated. Agnes is not an angel but might have capitalised on the fact that u and your family are always comparing her to Janet and hence she brings out her best , who wouldnt in such circumstance?.

    Be wise. Maintain peace between your wife and family. Goodluck

  • To add to what Udo said, you are the head of your home , driving your family car through the divorce route isn’t the solution, such thoughts should be far from you as a Christian.Take charge by apologising to your wife for comparing her , pamper her , show her alot of love and then talk to her about what she did wrong .Trust me , you will hear something different from what you’re thinking from her.Lovingly ask her to apologise to the family, you guys can host everyone by Christmas or just find a reason to celebrate. Whilst at it , both of you should make sure everyone is served well , she can then show them alot of love by this means. Please always protect and love your wife , it will bring out the best in her.My hubby brought out the best in me.when you truly love a woman , you will be surprised at how submissive she can be even if she were a jezebel.Stop saying hurtful , negative words to her.Teach her by your words , actions and preaching Gods word to her during prayers in love , how to behave well.Always pray for her and pray for the wisdom to lead your family, pray for your marriage too and watch God turn things around. Please don’t be fast to judge or condemn her, love never fails.

  • Your wife has to learn to act around other people especially family. What does it take for her to be nice to your family members? It doesnt sound like they live with you but they just come around at occasions. This is not a question of comparing with anyone. There’s no excuse for bad behaviour. Your wife does not have to be best friends with your family but she should learn to love and respect them and overall be a better person. You can guide her lovingly along those lines. All the best

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