Dear MIMsters: Should I Embrace Being A Single Mum Or Marry This Married Man Who Fooled Me?

Should I marry this man who fooled me? I am in my mid twenties, 26 to be precise. After graduating from the university, I couldn’t find a job, so, I decided to travel abroad in search of greener pastures. It wasn’t easy but with persistence and help from a few friends, I got lucky.

One of my major goals was to be able to help my siblings foot their school bills because our parents are late and we are from a poor home.

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After 3 months abroad, I meet this cute young man who had just clocked 30. We get to know each other and he took me to his house. He made me comfortable and I started to fall in love with him. It was easy because he seemed the type of man I had always prayed to God to bless me with.

Two weeks after meeting him, he rented a furnished new apartment for me, though he lived alone. I asked him if he’s married and he said no. He gave me the keys to his house, and though we lived in different apartments, we are always together, except during working hours. We became really in love with each other. He asked if I loved him with all my heart and I said yes, because I really did. I was glad that he cared for me and always sent money home to my siblings. It made me feel more at ease with him and trust he had good intentions.

4 months after we met, he travelled back to Nigeria, saying his dad was ill. He stayed for 2 months and came back. I took in the same month he returned but didn’t tell him about my pregnancy till it was 4 months old because I wanted him to notice it on his own. Funny enough, he didn’t. So, I told him myself.

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I’m a very sensitive person and a psychologist also. Immediately I told him, I noticed something strange about his facial expression. I became worried and asked him why he acted that way. He however said nothing, that he’s cool. However, since that day, I noticed he stopped being his usual lively self.

A month after I told him (I was 5 months pregnant by then), he started pleading with me to go for an abortion, adding that I should forgive him. I was like, ‘Forgive you for what? What happened?’ And he blurted, ‘I’m married already. My wife is in Nigeria and she’s pregnant.’ I was broken. I left his house immediately and returned to my house. He kept calling and texting, asking for my forgiveness but I ignored him. I later left for my friend’s house because he kept coming to my house to apologise.

To God be the glory, I delivered to a bouncing baby boy on 30th of May 2016, while his wife delivered a baby boy in March 2016. I’m really hurt because I was lied to and betrayed. Till date, he still cares for my needs. He paid all my bills and cares for my baby.

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My question is: How do I handle this? What will I tell my son when he grows up? Truly from my heart, I can’t be a second wife, though he hasn’t asked for that. But even if he does, should I? The thought is scary. Still, I had no plans to be a single mum. I’m really worried. Mothers in the house, how do I handle this to avoid hurting my son in the future? His future really matters to me.

13 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Should I Embrace Being A Single Mum Or Marry This Married Man Who Fooled Me?”
  • Better go and look for your own man and marry. Why are you even thinking marriage? Shouldn’t you be caring for your child at the moment? Your son is not even 4 months old yet and you are talking marriage. Madam abeg face your child for now and forget marriage and that man but make sure he takes up his responsibilities pertaining his son.

  • My dear if he said he will not marry u just go on with ur life ad believe me God will give d best husband ok he really deceived u.

  • You are a single mum and there is no crime in that. Not that you deliberately dated him knowing his status. There are other single mums who still found love and have a successful marriage. Please don’t think of marrying that man but discontinue whatever affairs you have with him(to avoid another pregnancy) but let him take all responsibilities of his son. Your own man will locate you

  • He didn’t fool you but you fooled yourself. You disobeyed God by opening your legs to a man who is not your husband. That is the biggest mistake you made. Face it and forgive yourself and move on. Don’t play the victim. He won’t marry you and if he should ask for it run away otherwise you would commit another sin. “THOU SHALL NOT COVET YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S HUSBAND”

    • Oh please shot that mouth of yours up. His Holiness, never done any wrong in your life. Trust me with this smelly attitude you have, you won’t smell heaven’s gate… Nonsense.

  • Let him continue to care for his son, but move ahead, he is someone husband, Pls God will connect you with your bone -of-bone okay

  • Every body plays the fool, but playing the fool a second time to the same person becomes a shame. 1st u hv a child with a married man now u r dreaming of marrying the man n becoming his second wife or better still u r wishing he divorces his wife for u. My sweetheart stop deceiving urself by claiming ‘I don’t know what to tell my son when he grows up?’ move on, love urself n ur son, someone who wld love u n ur son will come along. Amen.

  • there is no option here but to carry on with your life. he is a married man to a young woman like u. he told u his dad was ill, that’s why he travelled, is he a doctor for d elderly? u said when he came back,u didn’t tell him of d pregnancy cos u wanted him to notice it himself. I don’t blv that part cos its only someone who has already been engaged to d father of d unborn child that will be so comfortable with a situation like that, even at that, every woman will make attempt to rush marriage plans. a woman that hasn’t even been proposed to will find a way to knw d future of the relationship to knw if she is optimistic for nothing. u tried to use the pregnancy to pin him so u waited till d second trimester so abortion will be ruled out. does that make u a bad person? not at all,u were just being hopeful. as it is now, u have to move on and pls stop sleeping with him cos u sound like u wouldn’t mind that either. God strengthen u, amen. cheers.

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