Can’t Help Yelling At Your Child? Find 6 Ways To Become A Calmer Parent

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Ndidi Adekunle

So, you’re always utterly frazzled by your child, and half the time, it seems you’re throwing tantrums yourself by yelling. Thing is, the more you yell, the more you thoroughly entertain your child, fuel rebellion or make everyone unhappy at best.

To have some control around your home and make your child more cooperative and obedient, here are 6 things you should do:

1. Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself

Nobody becomes an expert at anything in just one day. It’s true what they say that ‘a journey of a thousand miles, starts with a step.’ So, don’t condemn and ‘hang yourself by the noose’ when you think you’ve failed at perfect parenting. Your goal, remember, is the journey rather than perfection. When you find you haven’t perfected anything, just dust your butt off and try again. It is a huge learning process and you’ll keep getting better at it as you learn what works and adjust your methods to suit yourself and your child.

2. Find A Support Group

A group of friends or acquaintances from church, your children’s school, neighbourhood, alma mater, you name it, who have kids the same age as yours, can be a major source of strength and even entertainment for you. Ensure though that the people you’re relating with are not the judgmental sort, but rather, that your group is about sharing the joys, the ups and downs of parenting and of course, a place where you’re sure to get some useful tips on managing your anger viz-a-viz your child’s behaviour.

3. Pamper Yourself

Plan regular me-times to rejuvenate. You can’t over emphasize the effects of accumulated stress on your reactions to even silly issues. You absolutely need to take time off now and then to ‘exhale;’ visit friends, go dancing, watch a movie, read a novel, do whatever it is really that’s sure to relax your nerves and is recreational for you.

4. Learn to See Your Outbursts Coming

Study your patterns. Soon, you’d be able to note those things that drive you crazy. You will also recognize when you start to feel those times when your threshold is saturated and you can’t possibly take any more; those times when you’re really angry and about to yell. This should be your signal to taking a quick break. For instance, your heart starts to race, you begin to break out in a sweat, you’re getting all jittery and even outright clumsy sometimes (talk about spilling things, missing your steps, burning food repeatedly, you name it and you’re not alone, trust me). This is your clue to halt and calm yourself down. This way, you can cool off without having to do or say anything you may regret later.

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5. Manage Your Anger

For instance, for those times when you find yourself stressed out, take deep breaths through your nose to help you literally ‘exhale’ and slow your pulse down, count to ten slowly, take a short walk, whatever quick technique it is that calms you down. Focus on maintaining a positive response. Remember your child is also looking up to you to teach him how to manage his own anger and frustrations.

6. Learn To Laugh Off Some and Choose Your Battles

It’s just plain futile for one to take life way too seriously all the time. Learn to laugh off some of those things your toddler does and actually enjoy the moments, pure and simple as they are. Life is no competition, is it? It’s never about how other kids are behaving but about your child here and now.

Your child should feel free to be himself in his own home without feeling overtly pressured to be who he’s not. Choose your battles, for instance, ask yourself, ‘Is it a matter of life and death?’, ‘Is this something I absolutely cannot take?’ Otherwise, just let it be.