Dear MIMsters: Am I Wrong To Distrust My Cousin After This?

Long ago, my female cousin started living with us. Being an only girl, I immediately bonded with her and my prior loneliness was erased. We went to school together, washed plates together, took our bath together – we were inseparable and people actually thought we were twins. Unknown to them, I was older than her with about 2 years. I saw her like a sister and she knew everything about me, so I had no reason to distrust her.

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Then, 8 years ago while on holiday from the university (I was in 100L), this guy in my neighbourhood asked me out and I really liked him. I can’t say it was love because back then, what mattered to me was handsomeness. He asked me out and I introduced him to my cousin. I would sneak out to see him but I later started reducing how frequent I did because he kept making sexual advances at me and then, one of my rules was no sex.

He always commented on how sexy I looked and insisted he wanted to marry me but I said I wasn’t ready for marriage and wanted to complete schooling and learn a trade as well. I also let him know I can’t just jump into marriage since I don’t know him well. I told my cousin everything and she encouraged me not to give in to him. The admission list at my school was soon released and I travelled to check if my cousin made it.

When I got back from school, I found out that my cousin was avoiding me. She would leave a room if I worked in…she just became distant. It was one of my brothers that told me that he caught her making love to the guy and she collects monetary gifts from him. In fact, he boldly came in my presence and took her out after a while.

I was hurt and felt broken because I really liked the guy but I accepted their relationship and told him to take care of my cousin. I let them be.

Now 8 years later, I’m a graduate, an entrepreneur and married to a man that I love with everything in me. I thank God every day for giving him to me.

My cousin is still unmarried and keeps trying to come and spend weeks, sometimes, even months with us. She is very jovial and likes talking to my husband and each time I see her laughing with him or trying to play with him, my intuition warns me to keep her away from me and my household.

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I have forgiven her and have nothing against her. I even thank her for getting me out of the sticky situation of trying to date the wrong guy but I don’t trust her. These days, I say no whenever she says she wants to visit. The last time, she insisted she would travel down to spend a month and I said no, she insisted. I got angry and shouted at her. Since then, she has kept her distance.

I love and trust my husband. I love my cousin too but I don’t trust her. Am I wrong not to trust her?

29 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Am I Wrong To Distrust My Cousin After This?”
  • Like they say once bitten twice shy, you even made a very big mistake for allowing her to come close to your husband…Forget the fact that you trust your husband, he might not be the cheating type, but temptation is a respecter of nobody, your cousin could seduce him and he will fall for it, then you will start blaming the man, whereas you were the one that brought the temptation to your household…Whether she’s your cousin or twin sister, give her a stern warning to stop coming close to your household, you guys can only talk on phone or meet in a family gathering where your husband is not present. #enoughsaid

  • pls keep her at arms length, u can trust her from a distance and got ur hubby, u don’t even want to put him in such a situation, best wishes!!!

  • A leopard’s spots never erase no matter how old they get, I’m not saying people don’t change, but your case is too sensitive to take such risk. Avoid that cousin of yours as much as you can.

  • Be as wise as a snake and as gentle as a dove! You could be wrong for trusting anyone in the first place, please learn to believe people but NEVER trust anyone!

  • My dear, I wish you would take those advice you’ve read above.. All I can say is if she did it once, she can do it again. The difference is you have a lot to lose now.

  • I do not subscribe to adult siblings, cousins, relatives living with married couples ..before you tell me about we Africans being communal, I already know. Too many of these adult siblings get sexually involved with spouses of their benefactors. Only very few get busted! So my take is always support your relatives from afar ..do not encourage them living with you especially on permanent basis. Better to err on the right side of safety.

  • U have just done the right thing, if possible, don’t allow her come a day visiting, because, people like her can dangerous, n might want 2 deal with u in n household in a diabolic way, So be watchful n prayerfull as well, gud luck

  • Please oooo my dear be careful. Eeeiiiiiiiiii coming for 1month visit? Is she unemployed? If you cherish your marriage and your husband then clear that cousin of yours from your life. You should never give her that chance. I’d marriage was easy she could have been married and be occupied with her own family. She wasted her early years giving sex to the wrong people. Mmccttweeeeeeh

  • U re nt dear.pls protect ur home n dnt let her near u or ur family.she cnt be trusted.she could be jealous ure married n she s nt n may wnt to destroy ur marriage.

  • Stop her totally from coming to your house let her know that you and your husband are very busy. Be wise, God will continue to protect your marriage and home.

  • You see pure envy glaring at you ,you want to ignore all the warning signs, she is really up to know good.Please keep her at bay ,if possible let your hubby know certain things so that she doesn’t use him to bait you.

  • Pls tell her to stop coming to stay in your house. Is she a baby? She is so jealous that she actually wants anything you have. My neighbour’s childhood friend did the same thing to her. She destroyed my neighbour’s first marriage because the husband just came home one day and asked my friend for a divorce and UP till to date he refused to disclose the reason. It wasn’t until she snatched her second husband that she was able to link the first divorce to her. This was how she used to spend time in her husband’s house.
    PLS drive her away immediately, she is very dangerous. She has what Yorubas call “ojukokoro ‘ or longer throat. She wants only what you have. Don’t have anything to do with her again.

  • Pls tell her to stop coming to stay in your house. Is she a baby? She is envious that she actually wants anything you have. My neighbour’s childhood friend did the same thing to her. She destroyed my neighbour’s first marriage because the husband just came home one day and asked my friend for a divorce and UP till to date he refused to disclose the reason. It wasn’t until she snatched her second husband that she was able to link the first divorce to her. This was how she used to spend time in her husband’s house.
    PLS drive her away immediately, she is very dangerous. She has what Yorubas call “ojukokoro ‘ or longer throat. She wants only what you have. Don’t have anything to do with her again.

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