Dear MIMsters: How Can I Bring Myself to Trust My Husband Again After This?

I’ve been in shock for days now. How can I bring myself to trust my husband again after this?

I dated my hubby for almost 10 years and it was a smooth, happy relationship. We’ve been married for 5 years now, making it 15 years altogether. God has really been faithful to us – we’re blessed with 3 boys, good health and wealth, what more can we ask for?

Just finding it hard to believe and accept the fact that all men must cheat. Please MIMsters, why do men really cheat? Is it all about trend, swag or what?

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However, recently, he started to change. He would say, “Your food tastes bad,” and so on. He would flare up at the slightest provocation and criticized me over silly things. It felt really strange until I discovered why.

A strange number always called him but since he didn’t save the number, I overlooked it until he started accusing me of taking his calls and calling numbers on his phone. He became so protective of it and hardly stayed at home. So one night, I had no option than to go through his phone. I copied out that particular number, checked it via whatsapp and was dumbfounded to discover it was a lady.

Still, I kept my cool – didn’t call, text or chat her up. I just registered the last 4 digits off her number and confronted my hubby. In typical male fashion, he turned it all against me, saying that I’m jealous, she’s his business partner, and so on.

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He later begged for forgiveness for being harsh and I forgave him but didn’t forget. I stopped trusting him and pretty much thought he would end it there but the whole calling and texting between them became so serious I had to tell him to be careful. It turned into a heated argument and I backed off. That same day, he still called her 5 times.

Then I told him since he has made up his mind about their relationship or partnership as he claimed, I would leave because she’s his tribe and I don’t want to have high blood pressure over anything because I’m still young. I added that since it seems he prefers to choose her over me, it’s better I just walked away.

He got upset and called his family telling them I wanted a divorce. Hell broke loose and that same night he started to apologize, saying they haven’t started dating. He said he saw the girl in a church that he was invited to and she came with her dying mum and he helped out but her mum later passed away, so, he usually calls her daily to console her. I thought to myself, “10 calls per day and the least is 1 minute? He doesn’t even call me 4 times daily o.” He then called the girl, put the phone on speaker  and told her never to call him again and he wouldn’t call her again too.

The thing now is that I don’t trust him again. In fact, I feel a little hatred for him. I feel betrayed that all this time we have been married, it’s been from one baby to another and I haven’t had time for myself just to please him. I do everything to please him. What does my happily married husband want in a skelewu street girl? I am tall, very good looking, dresses well and very calm. What is his problem?

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I have promised him that if he continues, I will end the marriage but they say a wise woman builds her home and I have always bragged about how he is so different from the pack.

I need words of advice from anyone that has gone through this before. Please what do I do? So sorry for my long story but I feel relieved now.

31 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: How Can I Bring Myself to Trust My Husband Again After This?”
  • I bless God for the relief, can’t really understand why men cheat, never prays 4 such, made up my mind any gbe, he wil regret knowing me. It is high time single lady say NO to married men,if not they will reap destruction. It is well with women

  • Even if you are ashwarya rai, a cheating man will still cheat. It’s not about a woman’s good looks but the fear of God in a man’s heart. Just take heart and try to forgive him. Sorry sweetie.

  • Its obvious he isn’t neck deep into it yet so just forgive him and pray against any daughter of jezebel that the enemy wants to wreck havoc in your home. Please ma also avoid threatening him with dIvorce because once he knows that’s the only thing you say whenever he misbehave he will do it and wait for your worst and mind you divorce is not as easy as you say. So pray the devil out of your home before he become a pamanent seat. Wisdom is the key.

  • Atleast he called the lady and ended whatever was going on between the infront of you. I’ll say forgive him. It is goid that you have showed him the limit to what you can take. He’ll think twice if decides to go out dating other girls.
    I’ll say that now that there’s peace at home. Try and come up with something that will relax the both of you without the kids. Spend time together ALONE once a week even if it’s just 2hrs. Or schedule a day ir two once a month and just be somewhere alone with him. Rekindle the love between you two and keep praying for your family. It is well.

    • My dear chin up..gather urself together.. ..dont waste energy confronting him…work on improving ur self, ur career,home etc.. take salsa lessons if u can.. free urself.. live for urself and kids.. NEVER give anyone reasons to pity you cos of how u look.. NEITHER should you ever think of retaliating by having ur own side fling
      Divorce is out of the question.Its your home.
      Now he.knows.you know, he will only device new.methods so that even if u check his fone per second, there will never b any trace.. speaking to the lady in your presence is ‘story’ ..there might even b others!!!
      If u have the energy, pray for the fear of God to return to him.. cos he’s lost it..
      even if u r miss world and the best homekeeper, etc, a man that has tasted adultery without getting burnt will NEVER stop! He knows he’s hurting you , but right now all he cares about is his bloated ego.. unfortunately us women seem to calmly accept the situation that shebi they are men?!!
      I wish u the best

  • My dear u can’t kill ur sef, just take care of ur sef n kids, always find reasons 2 be happy, men will always be men, it is well.

  • I can feel how broken you are.My prayer point daily against infidelity is that God should put enmity between my hubby and any strange woman.Please don’t threaten him with divorce so you won’t regret it.

    • My dear chin up..gather urself together.. ..dont waste energy confronting him…work on improving ur self, ur career,home etc.. take salsa lessons if u can.. free urself.. live for urself and kids.. NEVER give anyone reasons to pity you cos of how u look.. NEITHER should you ever think of retaliating by having ur own side fling
      Divorce is out of the question.Its your home.
      Now he.knows.you know, he will only device new.methods so that even if u check his fone per second, there will never b any trace.. speaking to the lady in your presence is ‘story’ ..there might even b others!!!
      If u have the energy, pray for the fear of God to return to him.. cos he’s lost it..
      even if u r miss world and the best homekeeper, etc, a man that has tasted adultery without getting burnt will NEVER stop! He knows he’s hurting you , but right now all he cares about is his bloated ego.. unfortunately us women seem to calmly accept the situation that shebi they are men?!!
      I wish u the best

  • Be the good woman that you are and keep praying for him.. always pray against such strange woman, bcos some are only interested in spoiling your marriage if u leave your kids will hate u 2mrw.. stay there and forget about infidelity, even wen u discover other women.. I experience it I almost left but 2day my marriage is 1derful.. mine was also a woman from his tribe among others.. 2day if they as much as call him my sister he’ll so shout on them.. he has given his life to Christ already..

  • Being pretty doesn’t keep a man,being a good wife barely keeps a man d only tin that keeps a man is a man who wants to be kept,itz well

  • Lol@ skelewu street girl! ,so sorry sweetheart z wat most women face everyday but that doesn’t justify his actions ,just over look him mind ur children, my mum will always tell me DT.a woman DT trusts a man z like a water been poured on a basket, just maintain ur normal lifestyle its one of the difficulties in marriage, all the best dear

  • Sorry sis,its the most challenge a handful of women face in their home. Jesus is the answer,stay cool and forgive him.keep being nice and always pray for him.@ least he is sorry.its well

  • My dear.u re lucky dat he eveen apologise and called de girl to fake ending the relationship. its all a lie.he will still continue even if not wt her but with another one u dont know . i will tell u to make urself happy in any way u can.take care of ur kids. just ignore him n look umto God

  • Nne u are not ready for marriage period! If u step out that fake call he made to the girl will be the next call for years. So if u like be agbani dare go, a man that wants to step out will u can’t stop it. The babe out might be prettier and younger than u so it’s not the issue. The issue is be mature. U are no more a single woman.

  • My dear, please remain in ur home oooooooo!tank GOD he has apologise to u…..forgive him and move on with ur normal life……dnt allow any woman outside destroy ur marriage ….men will always be men!

  • I know how u feel dear.you feel that way because you trusted him COMPLETELY and now u feel betrayed especially since you never suspected or imagined such in the early years of your being together.my sister,if u say you love someone,that love must be tested.your reaction during the crisis reveals if you really loved him or not.Gods word says that love believes all things and never fails.ask the Holyspirit to help you look passed this error and rekindle the trust you once had for him in wisdom.i say in wisdom because it becomes imperative for you to shine your eyes and leave room in your heart to forgive him in advance incase he falls into it again.make up your mind to make your marriage work.leave divorce out of it for the sake of your children s psychological and mental upbringing.keep praying for him.fear not.this man is yours

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