Dear MIMsters: How Do I Escape Inheriting My Father’s Problem?

How do I escape from inheriting my father’s problems?

When I was about 12 years old, a woman brought a young man to our house who must have been in his late or early 20s and he was introduced to my father as his son.

This was shattering for us because my mother had no idea, neither did any of us the children.

My father accepted the young man and he introduced him to us and our mother, just like that. Looking back, I think while this was a very big news to us, it wasn’t for my father. The way my father calmly handled the situation tells me he must have known about Ifeanyi’s existence before that day.

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My mum didn’t say much but from her body language, it was clear that she was not open to having anything to do with that situation or to allow the young man come live with us. My father understood that well and knows better than to push, so he told the woman and Ifeanyi to leave. How they settled afterwards, I do not know.

Years later, my father died first and my mother followed almost 15 years later. In all these years, we had no contact with Ifeanyi but after my mum died, he resurfaced. He is now married and brought his wife to introduce her to my siblings and I. One of my siblings and I are also married and are doing well, but Ifeanyi is obviously struggling.

What is troubling is that Ifeanyi is always calling me to ask me for money for this and for that. We don’t really know each other apart from the few times we briefly met, so I find it strange when he sends messages like, “I miss you sis” or “I love you.” To be honest, it kind of repulses me.

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I’ve sent him money twice but I don’t like to be used as an ATM but he is now asking me to open a business for him and I am even more infuriated he asked. I am a young woman just starting life with my husband. We are comfortable, yes but I want nothing to do with my father’s son especially as I do not know his history. Am I wrong to think this way?

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