Dear MIMsters: I Am Tired Of The Pity-Party And I Want Out!

I am tired of this pity-party and I want out. But first, let me lay a background for you to understand my dilemma.

There are four of us. We all met at the University; in part one. We had just resumed and the school placed all four of us in the same room; that was how we became friends. All through our part one, we remained very close and soon, we became sisters from different mothers. We started to feel one another’s pains and joys. Even though we never shared the same room again after our part one, we carried on with our friendships. Our parents and siblings also got connected through our friendship which has continued till date.

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Out of the four of us, only one is still single.

Let me give us all pseudo names- Bola, Bisi, Bolu and I will call myself Bunmi.

Bola was the first to get married, she has two children with her husband. Next to get married was Bisi. Hers wouldn’t have been but for the fact that she got pregnant and her parents would not sign to her having a child out of wedlock so she had to get married to her reluctant boyfriend. I was next to get married, and it was not easy at the start for me. My husband was unfaithful to me in the early years of our marriage but I kept my heart-ache to myself. I have always believed that the struggles of marriage shouldn’t be for all to hear but not my friends; they would always share their pains and expect me to do likewise.

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With a lot of prayers and patience on my side, plus I ensured to lower my expectations of my husband, my home began to experience incomprehensible peace but I couldn’t share with my friends because I did not want to make them feel bad.

From time to time though, I try to make them understand that their husbands are not super-men so they need to lower their expectations but they just wouldn’t listen. Now, Bolu has had to opt out of three different relationships at different times and I believe it’s because of the things she hears us say about our husbands. She keeps living marriage in courtship and she just wouldn’t listen to my advise that it doesn’t work that way.

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As for me, I am really enjoying my marriage now; my husband has totally changed from who he used to be but I am worried that I cannot share this with my friends. They seem to enjoy tearing their husbands down and even though I have always been against that, I never put my foot down to make them clearly see where I stand.

I am tired of the pity-party and I want out but wouldn’t I be hurting their feelings?

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