Dear MIMsters: I Welcomed My Stepson Into My Home And See What He Did

I am a married woman with two biological children and one stepson, who happens to be the the eldest child. My husband and his ex broke up before we got married. We both live in the US.

After the legal divorce between my husband and his ex, she was awarded full custody of the child and my husband had to pay for child support. After I joined my husband, my stepson who usually comes over for visit decided to move in with us because he was going through a stressful times with his biological mother.

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I honestly did not have any objection to that because I wanted him to bond with his younger siblings. Knowing the attitude of his mum, we chose to go to court for a legal binding of the arrangement. Subsequently, he moved in with us. I must admit the initial adjustment wasn’t easy for me. With the support of my husband, we worked on him. I have been very civil to his mother who comes around anytime she wants to see him or take him out. She would wait outside in her car and he would go out to meet her.

During this summer break, we decided to travel home for our children to spend time with their extended family. We had agreed as a family on living arrangements for my step son as he was enrolled in an intensive academic summer camp program. We returned from our vacation only for me to learn that my stepson’s mother came to sleep in our house and actually in my bedroom!!!.

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She had the nerves to go through my stuff and tampered with some documents and other things. To say I was mad upon discovery is an understatement. I am still boiling with rage as I compose this message. Let me state that we let him keep the copy of his key because his dad asked him to come around and check on our mails, especially our bills so that we could make payments online whilst overseas. I confronted my 16yr old stepson on why he allowed a stranger into my home and for that matter into my bedroom. That was when all hell broke loose.

He disrespectfully told me he was sick and she had to come take care of him and that if we had not abandoned him and traveled, she would not have come around. I told him he is her responsibility too, and based on the legal agreement we had, he’s supposed to spend the weekends with her. This boy went on and on trying to justify his mother’s presence in my house. He told me that they used to live there before I came. I must confess that at this point, I really gave it to him and his mother.

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I was a step-child too. The bitter experience I had made me resolved to do the opposite if I ever have a step child, but these few days, I’m struggling to be nice to this boy to the extent that I don’t even acknowledge his presence in the house. My husband is also not happy about the turn of events but is it my fault? I feel so much disrespected by what he and his mother did. I feel very betrayed by what this boy did considering how I have treated and accommodated him so far.

What hurts me most is that my husband feels I’m over reacting, and this has sort of brought some strain in our relationship. My question is did I really over react.? I will need some candid thoughts and advice over what happened. Thank you.

26 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Welcomed My Stepson Into My Home And See What He Did”
  • To me if I have to be honest, you are overreacting cos I would have supported you if your hubby was home and she slept there but since its just the son and her I don’t really see anything wrong there except for the fact that she slept your room which isn’t really a big deal. So cool down and find out if anything is missing from your stuff but if not, vent and let it go.

  • You have evry right to be mad since there was no prior information as to her coming to the house plus going through your documents. However you overreacted in that she came in your absence and your husband wasn’t home with her. Take note that your stepson in question is 16. He isn’t 18 yet so cannot really take care of himself per say. If he was indeed sick, he needed someone around him. Please calm down and work it thru your mind again, accepting it as one of those days. Next time state out your rules clearly to him so that he won’t make no mistake again.

  • madam bringing in a ‘step’ into ur house means dt u are ready to accept anytin, good or bad, u taught d boy wil take side with u, no he wil only side his mother, blood is thicker dn water. Be happy life goes on!

  • U did not over react. Why didn’t she take his son to her house since he’s sick instead of staying in ur home? Why did she sleep in ur room.and even have the nerves to go.through ur stuff. Ur anger is expected

  • Whoever that said you over reacted maybe didn’t read the article well. How dare she tamper with ur documents? You didn’t over react my dear but don’t let them come between u n ur man but unfortunately that’s de price u pay for marrying a divorce cause no matter how u treat ur step son he will always feel. Its cause of u his parents broke up, he will alwaz see u as an intruder. So don’t let anytin strain ur relationship wt ur man

  • You did not over react.there was an invasion of privacy. Sleeping on ur bed? Going through ur stuff? Those r a no no.
    However,try to let it go as life must go on. Remain civil wit ur step son and follow him wisdom. He will never take sides wit u against his mum,so don’t expect that. When u are much calmer,talk to ur hubby to ensure boundaries r maintained wit his ex. Take it easy,this phase will surely pass, and don’t forget to always pray for continual peace in ur home.

  • My dear u didn’t over react ok dt boy is very stupid by telling u dt they lived there before u. U good deeds has turned to eveil Bt just cool down ad c if they take any of ur things ok. Ungrateful son.

  • I don’t think you overreacted.Her son was sick n instead of taking him to her house,she moved into your room.Even if she didn’t tamper with anything,that is not right.But u have to calm down as there is nothing much you can do.No matter how nice you are to him,his mum is still his number one

  • Now that this has happened… what you do next will determine what will happen for the rest of your lives. I like that you gave it to them hot but now let it go. He is a teenager and he felt its ok since they used to all live there b4 (its what teenagers brain can understand) call him like a son, let your husband be there. Explain that you dont like what happened before to repeat itself again, let your husband support you. Hug the boy and lej it rest. Thats how you apply wisdom in your home and gain some respect from your husband!

  • From my perspective u did not overreact. Personally I don’t like it wen pple go thru my stuff in my presence not to talk of my absence. Wat d boy did was wrong at least u guys were communicating with him while on vacation he wud have called to tell u guys he was ill rather than bringing his mum home. Don’t hv a problem with him goin to his mum o. U will then get in touch wit his mum n tell her to pick him n head to her house. Calm down sha n let it go n pls go thru ur stuff very well.

  • Once a man has a child us a no no fir me madam deal with it a cross u will carry for d rest of yr life Pls don’t b tired jst Lear to live with it don’t change towards d boy cos u don’t know what his mum is feeding him with

  • Ur anger was expected dear nothing like overeacting she can to ur house slept in ur bedroom as if dat wasn’t enough she went thru ur documents! What for? Was ur document d hospital she was supposed to ve taken her son to, talk to ur husband express ur anger it must nt repeat itself again warm all of them and be firm abt it Then let it go it’s one those things dat comes wit marrying a divorcee

  • D woman sleeping in ur room and checking out d documents is totally unacceptable…Madam I will feel same way ur feeling if am to be d one..U didn’t over react though but dats one of d prices to pay for marrying a divorcee, u an’t even seen anytin yet…!

  • To me i don’t think you overreacted, she has no right to come to your home and sleep on your bed,go through your things when you are not around without prior information. That act is just disrespectful, if i was the one all hell will break loose, that is invasion of privacy for Pete’s sake.
    But as for the boy’s behavior it’s only natural that he’ll side with his mother, no matter how nice you treat him.
    just take it easy, and overlook the whole thing, that is what you get with step sons and step mom, believe me i know.

  • My Dear let sleeping down lie.Already you have done this in order to make your home peaceful by bringing in your step son.Just accept this as part of the cross you have to carry because in marriage one must have one cross to carry. Also calm down and find out if your document has been tempered with but if not just leave it at that. Make sure you settle your home and be the nice woman you have always been. May God help you.

  • I don’t think you overreacted. Having step kids is d most challenging thing ever. I can’t have my step kids living with me. Just draw the line asap

  • You overreacted. he is 16 years old and has no life experience. Having a shouting match with his mother is not wise. This is something you should have aired with your husband. Do not make your husband have to choose between you and his son. You may not like the choice.

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