Dear MIMsters: I Trusted My Husband With My Life, See Where It Left Me

My husband is a wonderful and caring man, loyal too and I trusted him with all my life. He made me believe in him when he swore to me that he would have nothing to do with other women. But something happened that caused me the emotional trauma that I am dealing with today.

We courted for 2 years and have been married for another 2 years. We were in a long distance relationship but now, we are living together.

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I was a virgin when he married me. During courtship, I found out that he was having an affair where he was based, but he denied it saying she’s just a friend whom he has nothing of that sort to do with.
Now that we’re married, I found out the truth from a neighbor currently living close to us who told me almost everything. I was mad and disappointed. I cried all day because my husband made me believe lies about him. Could you imagine that when he came back and I asked him, he denied it. But later, he confessed to the truth when things became rough. I cried all day and almost took my life.
My problem now is how to overcome this and put it behind me.
I no long trust him, so whenever I see him with another woman, I don’t feel comfortable and to make matters worse, he spends on them like he is father Christmas, while I am managing at home. Meanwhile, that same woman who revealed the truth about my husband, began flirting with him, takes money from him anyhow and to cap it all, she and my husband are now as close as five and six, that I’m almost dying in pains.
She’s a married woman oh. I told her to leave my husband and stay away from him. So we decided to move away from that neighbourhood. But it has created another problem because my husband is too social with women.
At the new place, can you believe that my husband and the Landlord’s daughter have become friends to the extent of discussing deep things and he gives her money. we have out landlord daughter. I don’t want to suffer what I went through at my previous compound.
I no longer have peace of mind. We had an argument yesterday because of the Landlord’s daughter. Yesterday, I went to check if they have finished painting when I saw my husband and her chatting and  laughing. But immediately he saw me, his mood changed and asked me why I came.
How do I handle this? I don’t want this girl to create problems for me, thereby making me uncomfortable in that compound. I have talked to my husband to reduce this excessive closeness with women because it’s destroying our home as it is making him neglect me and devaluing me.
Please tell me how to deal with this. I want to be happy again.
2 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Trusted My Husband With My Life, See Where It Left Me”
  • You need to understand that you need to be a complete person. Your husband will not make you complete. You cannot police the whole world. So you have moved to a new place and its the landlord’s daughter, you will move to another place it will be the maids. The madder you are, the more controlling you are, the more he will resent you and want to do what you are against. Its a game he is playing. You change the rules, you look out for your happiness, and remain faithful and loyal but not clingy, remember you made vows. Find something to occupy your time, do you work, are you involved in your church, do you run a business, do you want to enroll in long distance learning, do you have children etc. Let him see and know that you are complete and can actually get by without looking for him in every corner, checking his phone, shouting at every woman you see him with. He is your husband, he made a commitment to you, he needs to be committed to you, you cannot make him that. By the time you look up from the exploits you will be pursuing, you will be surprised how far you will have gone in bettering yourself that the things he does will not hurt you as much.

    He confessed about the affair before you married, it was not right what he did. You need to make a decision, do you forgive him or do you leave or do you let that indiscretion dictate your behaviour for the rest of your marriage. Whatever decision you make, move with it without looking back. Also be careful what you hear from people, always ask yourself what is in it for them to tell you even if it is the truth, don’t confide the inner dealings of your home with too many people no matter how well they smile at you.

    I hope it will be well with you.

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