“I Heard A Wonderful News Today, My Father Is Dead.”- Nigerian Atheist, Darren Idongesit Aquaisua Announces

A Nigerian man, Darren Idongesit Aquaisua  has glowingly announced the death of his father.

Idongesit, a writer, took to Facebook to announce what he called a ‘wonderful news‘ to the world- the death of his father.

An atheist, Idongesit stated that all he wants is to grab a mic at his father’s funeral and tell all the terrible things the man did before his death. He ‘talked’ about his emotional scars, and queried if his father remembered to keep some money aside for his burial because he believes no one would want to bury the man with their money since while the man was alive, he had successfully pissed everyone off.

Idongesit, in his open Facebook declaration talked how he would like to be buried when he dies, and what his money should be used for.

See his lengthy declaration below:

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“Phew! I heard a wonderful news today. I think my father is dead.

All I want to do if I ever grabbed a mic at his funeral is to list all the terrible things he did and said about his relatives. I’d also want to promote my revealing book on growing up with a Nigerian psychopath in an alien land with no familiar faces or features, I remember how it felt to be brutally injured in my first experience of northern harmattan. Injury during harmattan is the most painful but then there is the other one which has kept up with me till this day – the emotional scars are more like sores that keep tearing itself apart, banishing the superficial cicatrix and oozing crimson sorrow that nowadays taste like ferrous delight.

Ah well, I hope he saved for his funeral because I don’t think anyone would want to bury that man, the only man that has successfully pissed everyone off in the world.

I am however glad that through his actions my life radically changed and I know now not to treat others badly, I rather be sincere than treacherous, I rather say I don’t like a person to their face than hurt them from behind the curtains.

Through my travails and childhood trauma I want to thank god all mighty donkey-ass for not showing up, if my childhood was sweet, perhaps I’d never have reason to question faith and beliefs and love and marriage and having biological children.

I don’t want marriage, don’t want children, and I want to save for my own funeral which would be a Muslim funeral – wrap me up in white cloth as black would be too spooky, throw the cadaver in a shallow grave not 6 feet but 3, plant N350 mango seedling there so I know at least I was useful one last time to the wild birds of the forest and occasionally a firm branch for a stray person to hang from.

I also want to give away any money I make professionally to charity that would help increase literacy in young girls so they have the power to tell their own stories.

I may have my own opinion of my father, it doesn’t mean others shouldn’t have a different opinion of the man but I strongly believe he is the only person that would die to exorbitant jubilee and champagne pops.

Happy fatherless day to me in advance.

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In a previous post, Idongesit had said of his parents:

“I tend to be very passionate about things I know to be right. My mother wrote her first English language and phonology textbook in the mid 90s when there was no USB drive or photocopier readily available. She wrote those manuscripts by hand and she had the most beautiful handwriting, her manuscripts were the basis of my interest in proper pronunciation and grammar.

My African dad who is a medical doctor, a product of 70s UNN; people who know the quality of medical doctors that UNN produced in 70s would attest to the brilliance of my African dad but this man was like most uncultured African men who believed a woman’s place was in the house doing chores and not writing books or aspiring to academic heights.

My African dad took those manuscripts and tore them all up, then burnt the shreds. That was one woman’s hard work, painstaking handwritten manuscripts. Her only sin was taking the final work to her husband for blessing before contacting publishers.”

He stated further:

“I benefited in life because feminists stood by my mother and encouraged her to aspire. She has since employed more than 100 people directly or indirectly but my dad’s medical practice only employed 5 at its peak.

Who has contributed more jobs to the Nigerian economy?

Who has lectured and impacted more lives?

A woman’s place is everywhere in the office, in the presidency, in the military, in the police force, in the law courts; everywhere not just the kitchen.

If you want a housekeeper, get yourself a housekeeper.

Her story will be told proudly because my mother stood up for her right to aspire and become what most African women fear to become, Great! Great! And Great!”

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