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Dear MIMsters: I Mounted UnDue Pressure And I Lost Her. I Just Want My Daughter Back

I was wrong to mount undue pressure on my daughter. Now, I have lost her.

I have 3 daughters and in every way, they were doing very well. I got married at the age of 21 and I have always desired that my daughters would, too.

If not at 21, at least latest by the time they are 25. I believe that it is beneficial to get married early especially for procreation reasons. I believe that getting married at an early age also expedites conception hence my putting subtle pressure on my daughters to settle down early.

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With my first daughter, Grace, it worked well. Grace had always loved to please me and she also tries to get her sisters to do so, too.

Their father, my husband despises the fact that I did not give him any male child and he never hides that fact from my daughters; that I assume is one of the reasons Grace extends so much courtesy towards me and likewise mandates her sisters to do likewise.

Grace got married at 23-years old, my 3rd daughter, Hannah also got married at 25-years but my second daughter, Sarah wasn’t willing to toe their lines.

At 27-years, Sarah hadn’t even brought any man home to introduce to us. I remember when Hannah brought Felix home, I tried to hasten Sarah so that her younger sister wouldn’t settle down before her but she wasn’t budging and since Hannah’s fiance was becoming impatient, we had to let her settle down before Sarah who doesn’t even seem to have even cared.

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I started to mount pressure on Sarah because she was becoming too comfortable in her father’s house. And when the pressure was becoming unbearable for her, she put in for a transfer at her place of work and moved to another state.

A few months into her relocation, the new branch she was posted to folded up due to the economic situation of the country hence she was out of job. I encouraged her to move back home but she said she would rather stay far away from me.

When situations became a bit more critical for her, she eventually moved back home. By then, our relationship had become strained and as much as possible, I let her be. I concentrated on Grace and Hannah and my grandchildren. I rarely interfered in any thing that had to do with Sarah and the gap continued to get wider between us.

According to her, she felt I had stopped loving her so she thought that bringing a man home to me would repair the damage.

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The first man that expressed an interest in her became her ‘choice’ and she brought him home to meet us. We began wedding plans earnestly and within 6-months, Sarah was married at 32-years and I felt fulfilled.

Sadly for me, Sarah only stayed married for 10-weeks before she moved out of her husband’s house. She claimed incompatibility as her reason for ditching her marriage. She said her husband is too laid back and isn’t inspired to reach for more. She said she footed 70% of the guy’s responsibilities towards their wedding and rented the apartment they moved in to after their wedding. She said she’s been responsible for the family upkeep; including payment of bills like PHCN, Water, Waste etc.

When asked what her husband does in the home, she answered, ‘have sex with me morning and night, every day!’

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As I write, no one knows where Sarah moved to, and she says she would rather be alone than be with either her husband or her family. She said we all failed her. She said it took her bringing a man home for me, her mother to accept her (That is not true though). She said she never wanted to get married but when she saw that I only had interest in her sisters and their children, she longed for me and saw that the only way to get to me was to also get married.

Sarah says she hates me with a passion and does not wish to see me ever again. The irony of the whole situation is that the useless man she married is even unperturbed about the whole situation and his unfortunate family says in their place, when a woman leaves her husband’s house without the husband asking her to leave, she can never be welcomed back into their family unless she undergoes some rituals in their village.

At this stage, I do not even care about her marriage again, I just want my daughter back!

 

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