Dear MIMSters: Permit Me To Say This To Every Married Woman As I Mourn My Childhood Friend, Adunni

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As I watched the lying in state procession of Adunni, I wept bitterly. I could not afford to act posh even though there was a huge crowd present. I looked at her 3 young children who are between the ages of 15 and 5 and I wailed. I was certain many people thought I was wailing because I would miss my friend, oh no! Adunni and I have been somewhat estranged for more than two years now unknown to many who knew us together.

We were two inseparable friends from secondary school. We chose to go to the same University and we studied the same course, yes, that was how close we were until two years ago.

No, I wasn’t crying because I felt guilty about how we have related -or not related- in the last two years of her life, I wailed because the very thing I feared for her had come to pass. How I wish Adunni had obliged me and heeded my warnings.

Adunni was the lucky one between the 2 of us. She got married to a very rich young man who is closely knitted with his extended family members.

Kolade, Adunni’s husband has two elder sisters and two younger brothers. They are all very close and more so, their parents are still alive and well.

Of all his siblings, Kolade is the most comfortable and give it to him, he is a good man. As he rose, he pulled his siblings along with him; helping them secure one contract here or there. They also were all always together. I do not believe that a day would pass without all of them getting across to one another.

Typically, Kolade’s eldest sister likes to call the shot when it comes to all her siblings and even though Kolade is extremely wealthy, Sis. Tinu’s words were still law; their parents would also often concede authority to her.

When Adunni married into the family, owing to how close we were, I was able to identify her husband’s people’s lifestyle and I warned her that there were two options for her, either she played along or she does not. I told her that as a Christian woman, I would advise her not to attempt separating her husband from his siblings but play her card well by being friends with them, too. I told her to gain their trust and from their, she would be able to gain access to her husband more.

Now, because her marriage to Kolade afforded her room into the social circle of Lagos society women, Adunni became friends with these three women whom I would always tell her would lead her into the ditch if she continued to listen to their ill counsel.

While I told Adunni to learn to fix her gaze on God and learn not to major in minor or minor in major, these women would tell her I was jealous of her new status and that if I had a husband as rich and connected as Kolade, they were sure I would never allow his extended family members to take all his time.

I would always remind Adunni that her husband and his siblings have always been together and that she needs to learn to overlook things like how Kolade gives things to them.

In all honesty, Kolade could be extreme in the way he relates with his siblings but to the best of my knowledge, he never be-littled Adunni and her children; he was also there for them but he just did not know how to limit his closeness to his siblings especially his eldest sister from whom he would always seek advice sometimes, even before speaking with his wife.

For instance, If Kolade gives his used clothes to his brothers, Adunni would throw a fit that he did not check with her first. If he sponsored any of his nieces or nephews on any project, Adunni would fight him to a stand still. She insisted he must check with her every time he wanted to extend any hand of fellowship to his siblings.

Adunni made coming over to their home unbearable for her SILs and BILs so much that Kolade started visiting them more. I remember telling her that it was safer for her if the siblings were the ones visiting in which way, she would be abreast of situations but since she showed them they were unwelcome, they stayed away and Kolade did the visiting.

She likewise ensured that her children did not have any rapport whatsoever with their cousins from her husband’s side.

Perhaps things would have been different if Adunni had listened to me…

(Continues in Part 2)