Dear MIMsters: Should My Continue to Hope Or Leave Her Marriage?

Psychologists, marriage counsellors and anyone with a similar experience, please weigh in on this. I want to know if it is best for my mum to leave her marriage or continue to hope in my father?

My parents have been married for 30 years, I’m the first of six children. We were not always like this because my dad worked with a company while my mom had a school. Everything was fine and we went to good schools. My mom has always been a go getter, always striving hard for the best for her family. She joined a network marketing and was making money from it. Then my dad had to start managing the school after he lost his job, so that my mom could concentrate on her other business.

Problem was, my dad mismanaged funds. Tragedy happened almost at the same time as when it was time for me to go to the University, the networking company my mother worked with packed up. The land upon which the school was being operated was given to her by an old woman who liked her. This woman died and her son sold the land without notifying my mom. Everything came crashing down.

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Before then, my mom had bought a land measuring about 4 plots, so the school had to move there but it wasn’t as accessible initially and that was how the school packed up as well. I had to sponsor myself through school.

Now my dad started this bad behavior; he would drink and get drunk but it stopped after a while. His bad habits increased, he showed little or no care for his family, (I was no longer living with them, had to look for a way out for myself.) He would starve my siblings, he would lie, he became cunny, heart hardened to his family and even my mom. He would say things that you wouldn’t expect from a family man, like wishing his family dead.

My mom tried out so many businesses but they never lasted because once my father sees money with my mom he will never bring out money for food for his family. I can’t count how many times my husband and I have set my mom up with my savings but they never last. Now my mom is doing nothing and he is happy about it because he now goes to market himself and cooks whenever he likes. Where my parents live is in a very bad conditions with leaking roofs. My mom pled with my dad to allow them move to where the school was and he is coming up with so many excuses, but my mom is not giving up as she plans on moving there this year.

There is a lot to say such that if I continue, it would take the whole day. The thing is my mom and siblings are suffering in the hands of my dad. I have talked, advised, prayed about this. My husband and I can’t keep supporting them because we also have our own family to take care of.

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I just want to know if my mom should continue praying and hoping for things to change or just leave the marriage. If she leaves now, how will she cope with no business or job and with my siblings too. My dad is just like an unrepentant soul. Many people have spoken to him; from priests, family, to friends, name it. If he calms down for a bit, after a while, he starts again. Seriously, I am tired of talking, my mom cries every now and then, she is not a happy woman including my siblings.

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