Dear MIMsters: Is This Marriage or Bondage


Is this marriage or bondage?

I’m dying in silence. I cry as I’m typing this. I have been in this marriage for 16 years now. I can only say I enjoyed the first 2 years of my marriage when my husband had nothing.
The emotional torture started when I couldn’t get pregnant for 11 years. After series of tests, he was diagnosed to have a low sperm count while I was told that I had fibroids. It was hell on earth for me. Fast forward to 2011, he impregnated a woman. I am not sure if he is truly the father of her child, but his family accepted the child.
In 2004, we adopted a male child. Before the adoption, he asked me to fake the pregnancy, which I did for 9 months. Due to this, I had to relocate to Jos to live with with my sister. He works with a construction firm and lives in Abuja, while I am based in Ibadan. He has about 2 companies to he built, while I was busy distributing soft drinks with one of his abandoned cars.
At a point, he stopped me from distributing the drinks and told me to manage his companies without a salary or even a monthly allowance for me. I was not allowed to take a penny from the company’s money. He had an account clerk who always gave him a daily sales report. My duty is to see what workers are doing and occasionally, he sends me money to get whatever they need in each company.
He has rendered me useless, because I can’t even buy anything worth of N100 without asking him for money. He would even talk and talk before he gives me the money. It’s as if I’m in bondage, I am not free, I can’t go out, I can’t visit my family, I can’t just do anything on my own????????
He humiliates me with his money, so, I feel like ending this marriage. I am not happy at all, it’s really eating me up.
I made an attempt to discuss with him, and we ended up quarrelling, he would never listen to me. He has 3 expensive cars. Initially, he bought a Benz C class for me, but sold it after a year and bought an Avanza (manual). Whenever, I want to drive any of his cars, he’ll tell me how much each of them cost him and how much their maintenance cost. I forcefully drive it occasionally and he would tell me to go and carry my own car.
So many things have been going on in my mind. Maybe he’s deliberately treating me this way because I didn’t give birth to a child or because of the age difference between us. (I’m 9 months older). I never hid my age from him when we were dating. I’d wanted to end it then, but he was on my neck and so wanted to marry me.
I’ve been wondering where to start from? Should I end this marriage now as age is no more on my side? I will be 50 this year. I have spent the small savings I had on supplies, fuelling the car and on my child’s school runs. I couldn’t do any other business because he said he won’t give me money for any other business. Is this marriage or bondage?

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