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Dear MIMsters Inspiring Series: How My Life Was Transformed In The Aftermath Of An Abusive Relationship

What I am about to share is my personal experience on how my life was transformed in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. This is also to let anyone in an abusive relationship know that that relationship is not worth dying for.

I kept myself well and away from men, waiting for the right man. I was 24 years old when I was posted to the north east for NYSC. I thought I could relocate after orientation but it did not work out as planned.

I had a boyfriend back home who was 13 years older than me. He loved me but was he’s very jealous and could lose his mind when jealous. I was posted to serve in a bank but my BF was so against it. He said guys will see me and entice me. But because I have always wanted to work in a bank, I gave a deaf ear to his suggestion of changing my place of service. All through my service year, I did not give in to any guy. I was only about this my boyfriend in my office but he still he won’t trust me.

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He visited twice and got all my colleague’s numbers, even my boss just to monitor me. Luckily, after my service year, I was retained and I resumed work. He was so mad and we started having problems.  Out of annoyance, I decided to try someone else and I gave in to this Igbo guy, tall, black and handsome. I was 26 then.

It was sweet with Chidi who spoiled me with gifts and exposed me to sex. It was painful at first because he is big and so is his manhood but I began enjoying it. On weekends, I will be with him and it would be sex after sex. He taught me all kind of styles and I became a Pro but I remained a one man at a time kind of girl. All those styles were done with him alone. I ended the relationship with my ex, thinking I have found love.

The first time I took in, Chidi made me abort it. I took in a second time and we tried everything possible to abort it, even did a D&C twice, only for me to realise I was still pregnant. Then Chidi changed completely from that loving and caring man to a beast.

When I told him that the baby was still there, he started maltreating me by carrying other girls left, right and centre. I was posted to a nearby state while carrying his baby and he only visited me once. I couldn’t bear the shame, the stress and the pressure of work, so I quit job and went to live with him. He beat me at every little opportunity and treated me like trash. I became the opposite of myself. I lost my confidence and self-esteem.

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I called my mum and told her everything that I had never told them before because I know the kind of family I come from. But at this point, I had no choice. I was ready to face the wrath of my dad. Thankfully, mothers will always be mothers. After talking to my dad, he was not that mad. He accepted me and treated me right.

I had my baby boy 2 months after. Yet, this beast never called to check on us. When I told him of the baby’s arrival, he came to see us 3 months later. I was at the village at that time where I did an interview with another bank and I was called to collect my offer later.

My baby was 9 months old then and due to the drugs and the failed D&C that was done, it affected my baby’s growth. At 6 months, he could barely control his neck. When the Bank called me, I was very happy. I called Chidi immediately and told him that I was coming back. Chidi said not to his house while I needed someone to look after the child. He was too young to leave with my mum and has special needs. Still not knowing where to go, I hit the road with my child and got to town late at night with a girl I took to help me look after the child when I leave for work.

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I went to a woman I used to know then begged her to allow me stay for that night and she did. In the morning, I went to get my offer letter and filled all the forms required. Then I met this man I used to know at my previous bank. I told him I needed a place to stay and he gave me his boys quarters. There, I started life afresh. I lost my baby when he was a year and I sent the girl home and got a place for myself.

When I started taking care of myself, Chidi came back with his same style of being caring and loving to lure me yet again. I followed him like a fool, collecting all the gifts but when we went to his house on this day and he wanted that sex machine he made before. I told him that I was in my period. This was how I escaped that day and that was the last I stepped my foot into his house.

So, I concentrated on my work and made no time for any man. Four years later, I met this young guy and we started dating. I told him I have a child who is with my mum and he believed me. He said he loves me and we continued. A year later, I told him I lost the child and revealed part of my story. Two years later, we got married.

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Today, I am 36 with 2 beautiful children with a lovely and caring husband.

My advice to anyone in a relationship like my previous one is to find your way out. Don’t stay and allow yourself to be killed. There’s someone out there who will love and cherish you.

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