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Author Mom-Of-4, Rachel Hollis Talks On What Women/Moms Get Wrong About Self-care & It’s A Must Read!

Rachel Hollis, a mother of four and a motivational speaker who travels the country speaking to thousands of women each year. She is also the bestselling author who has told women to live fully and to stop apologizing.

In her conversations with women both on social media and in-person, the celebrated mom said she sees women missing the point of self-care.

In a chat with “Good Morning America,” Hollis breaks down what women need to know about caring for self. She said:

”Self-care is the hot, new buzz word now, right? It’s all over magazines, there are multiple hashtags on social — it’s something we know matters and so we set out to add it to the routine.

Unfortunately, I think it’s the thing that many women are getting wrong and the misunderstanding is making it worse.

Let’s start with what self-care is not.

Self-care is not hurtful, harmful or negative. I say this because so many people are overindulging, over-imbibing or overspending, all under the guise of “self-care.”

We need to get real. Self-care will never hurt you. In fact, if something does hurt you, make you weaker, make you sick or cause problems for you in the future it wasn’t self-care, it was self-sabotage.

If you were truly taking care of yourself you wouldn’t drink alcohol to the point of sickness. If you were truly loving on yourself, you wouldn’t drive yourself deeper into debt.

If you were really focused on taking care of you, you wouldn’t hurt yourself with your choices. Taking care of yourself today should make tomorrow better, not worse.”

SEE ALSO: Michelle Obama Talks Prioritizing Our Health As Women/Moms After Having Kids

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Hey Mama, you're doing great!! Maybe the house is messy and you haven't showered in the last two days but I want you to know that you're doing a FANTASTIC job. Maybe you lost your temper, maybe you fed them Fruit Loops for dinner, maybe your toddler used Sharpie on the sofa, again… YOU'RE DOING GREAT!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Imagine this… the creator of the mountains and the oceans and the stars decided that YOU –yes you– were the exact Mama that your children need. YOUR hugs were the perfect hugs for them. YOUR care was the right care. YOUR unique, weird, different way of parenting was exactly what these unique, weird, special little people needed to guide them through life.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This work is hard and sacred and messy and sometimes –let's please be honest here– sometimes, being a mama sucks the life right out of you. In those moments it's so easy to start the self-recriminations and the list of perceived failures but let sister-friend remind you that beating yourself up doesn't serve you and it won't help you become a better parent. It WILL, however, rob you of every ounce of joy in the parenting process.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You are doing GREAT! The very fact that you worry about how you're doing as a mama means that you care deeply. Your people are going to be wonderful. Every day you're going to reach for a better version of you so you can be a better leader for them. Somedays you're going to NAIL IT, other days you're all going to eat chips for dinner but every day you're going to love them to the best of your ability. All I'm asking is, as you pour out so much love on them, can you find some for yourself?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Can you love yourself as much as you love them? Can you give yourself the same grace you give them? Can you remember that you're learning and growing just like they are?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You're doing great. Life is beautiful even while it's messy and chaotic and loud and you're doing a wonderful job with your babies. 💛Tag your favorite mamas below because most of us need this reminder today.

A post shared by Rachel Hollis (@msrachelhollis) on

SEE ALSO: How This Single Mom, Sa’iyda Shabazz Uses Her Family And Friends For Self-care

Hollis went on to define what self-care actually means. According to her:

”It’s simple, intentional habits that allow you to live a healthier, happier, more joyful life. Maybe the first thing that runs through your mind is adding things to your life.

Most people imagine manicures, shopping, getting together with friends, or if you’ve got the funds … a spa day! There’s a time and a place for these things — and I love them all! — but, self-care is about daily care, not special-occasion care.

Those special treats are incredible but you can’t run yourself into the ground all month long and expect one at-home pedicure to make you feel rested and refreshed. Instead ask yourself what intention and habits you can add to your daily routine that will make you feel more centered.

Also, since we’re here, let me holler at you real quick: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish! In fact, it positively impacts everyone around you.

Think of it like this: Imagine you are a glass vase and someone is pouring a pitcher of water into you. In that pitcher is everything good you could ever need: joy, love, peace, care, etc., and the supply of water in the pitcher is unlimited.

But as women, we tend to try and tip ourselves over so we can pour ourselves out for others.

We pour a little here on our children and a little there on our partner. We keep pouring ourselves out because we want to make sure that everyone is taken care of.

It’s a beautiful idea, but what happens to a glass vase if it keeps tipping over? It crashes and breaks. However, if you stand tall and allow yourself to be filled up … the water will rise up and eventually be so full that it overflows onto everyone around you.”

SEE ALSO: How Taking Care Of Your Marriage Is The Best Thing For Your kids

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Like many other women, I’m still in the process of overcoming a lifetime of people-pleasing. I constantly strive to move through every part of my life unconcerned with the opinions of others, but truthfully, I don’t always achieve it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yes, even me, the professional advice-giver, even I sometimes get trapped inside the crippling weight of other people’s expectations and have to talk myself down from the ledge. But you better believe there are areas where I have mastered it. There are whole segments of my life where I’ve worked hard to keep my eyes on my own values and not worry what other people might think of them. The biggest example of this?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Big, audacious dreaming. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Massive, obnoxious goal setting.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being a proud working mother instead of buying into the special brand of oppression found inside mommy guilt.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Daring to believe that I can change the world by helping people like you feel brave and proud and strong.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I may occasionally get tied up in the trappings of some stranger being mean on the internet about my hair or my clothes or my writing style—but I no longer spend a single second of my life worrying about what others think of me for having dreams for myself! #girlstopapologizing

A post shared by Rachel Hollis (@msrachelhollis) on

SEE ALSO: Man, Kayode Ani Opens A ‘Can Of Worms’ On Women, Career & House Chores | Shocking Reactions Follow

She then adviced on how you can ensure that you are taking care of yourself intentionally and regularly. She said:

”Schedule it! It doesn’t need to be some extraordinary event. Find the small things that matter to you and make space for them.

For me, the morning is sacred. It is my time that I take care of me. I wake up before the kids, drink my coffee, write in my journal, pray, set my intentions, work out and get focused for the day. The most important part is that it happens every single day.

Not when I can squeeze it in or on the odd weekend. Every. Single. Day.

Also, practice self-awareness as it pertains to you your emotions. Take note of what events, activities, food, etc., create positive and negative feelings for you.

Why is this important? Because if you’re aware of what’s triggering you or stressing you out or making you anxious, you can remove it from your life or have a plan for how to handle it if it can’t be removed. On the flip side, if you identify the things that make you feel joyful, peaceful, centered or any other positive emotion — reach for those things!

One of the greatest forms of care I can imagine is setting up your life in a way that makes it possible for you to thrive.

If that’s our intention it forces us to ask ourselves what we need, more or less, so that we can be more loving and peaceful to ourselves.

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