Dear MIMsters: Is This Love Gone Sour?

Is this love gone sour? What should I do?

My man asked me to go and visit his family alone some months ago when I went to visit my sister, thanks to the wonderful advice I got here, I told him it was not okay with me so I visited my sister and came back to my base 2 months later. When I got back, we got engaged.
I need wise counsel on what to do and I hope not to take the wrong decision right now. So here’s my story.
Exactly on the 22nd of February 2015, two armed robbers came to my family house in the village and in the process I got raped. It was the worst day of life. Only close relatives and my siblings knew about the rape but I, foolishly told my boyfriend now fiancé about the rape. When my sister said I shouldn’t have told him, I told her that I believe if he loves me, he would help me heal and not remind me of it. Now, I know I was wrong.
Last year, I saw a video of my boyfriend having sex with another girl. He begged and cried. When I asked why he did it, he said after that rape, he started seeing other girls. On hearing this, I told him he is stupid to make such a statement. After going back and forth, we resolved and made some rules.
Three nights ago, I posted a write up stating that why some people don’t cheat is because once they start nothing, will stop them. He saw the post and said asked why. Then he said what if he posted, “People like us who chose to remain with a girl who has been raped by armed robbers are not unique.” Those was his exact words.
On hearing this, I could not stop the tears from rolling down my face. Yet again, after 4 years, I was reminded of the incident that took me time to recover by the one of the person I expected will help me get over it. I didn’t know what to feel or say after I dried my tears. I just told him thanks for the reminder and that he can go ahead and post it, as it doesn’t matter. I added that he doesn’t have to remain with a girl who was raped by armed robbers as rape is now my dent.
Since then, I have refused taking his calls or replying his chats. As it is now, I want to let go of this 5 year old relationship. I know it won’t be easy but I think I am making the right decision. Mimsters, what do you think?
In addition, he now wants to be the one to decide what I wear and say. I am really scared to go ahead to  settle with someone who is always right and controlling.
Here’s why it is a hard decision to make. Things were not at all rosy for him in the first few years when we started dating. When the rape occured, he took care of me personally, got all the drugs as I could not get them in the village and insisted I stay with him. He watched me sleep for weeks as I could hardly sleep at the time. After things picked up, he got me a laptop for my final year project, gave me part of the money I used in getting a phone and took over some of my financial needs.
My mom is against ending the relationship because in her opinion, it is wrong to leave a person who has been there for you in hard times that even God won’t be happy with you.
2 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Is This Love Gone Sour?”
  • That man does not deserve you at all. You are not less of a human because you were raped. If the one who should be comforting you and helping you heal is rather adding to the wound, then marriage to him is a capital NO. As for your mum, let her know that any other person could have done the good deeds he did for you in time past. Marriage should not be a pay back for good deeds!

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