Dear MIMSters: Should I Tell My Husband What Transpired Between His Brother & I?

Should I tell my husband what once transpired between his brother and I?

In 1999, at the age of 19, I was already a final year law student in Ibadan. I am the last of 3 children whose education was very fast; probably because our parents were academicians.

My boyfriend then, Ladi had a group of cute friends that I related with but I was closest to one of them, Tega. While I schooled in Ibadan, Ladi and Tega were also final year students in OAU, Ife.

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We had no GSM phones then, so we always planned visitations ahead. My family was based in Ibadan while Ladi and Tega were based in Lagos. During the holidays, just to see them, I would always ask to stay with my cousins in Lagos. That way, my cousin, Subuola and I hanged out with Ladi, Tega and the other guys.

This particular weekend, I was free, so I decided to visit Ife. I got to Ladi’s room and met him occupied. Apparently, because he wasn’t expecting me, he couldn’t cover his tracks. I was heartbroken. In tears, I went to Tega’s room and he consoled me. One thing led to the other, and we had sex. Ladi found out, rather than apologize to me, he took offence and called it quits. Shattered, I returned to Ibadan and never saw them again.

12 years later, I met Ejiro at a party organized by my company. He worked for our bankers so he and some of his colleagues were present. We exchanged numbers and stayed in touch. I have gone through many heart breaks after Ladi which made me extra cautious with men but Ejiro was different.

After seeing each other on and off for about 10-months, he decided to introduce me to his family. I drove from Ibadan with him and to my utmost shock, Ejiro is Tega’s immediate younger brother.

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Tega was happy to see me and he did not mince words in telling his brother that he made a good choice though their mum was curious to know how Tega knew me. She probably wanted to know if we ever had a thing together in the past. Tega told her I was with Ladi many years ago and their mum felt that was too close home but he discouraged that thought and convinced Ejiro it wasn’t a big deal. 6-months later, in 2013, we got married.

Last month, my SIL, (Ejiro’s youngest sister) was getting married so we went to their hometown for the party. Tega’s wife, Grace cornered me and the following conversation ensued:

Grace: “Hello, Shade!”
Me: “Good afternoon, Sis Grace. How are you? It’s good to see you again.”
(Mind you, Grace and I have never been friends. And that is because she never opened her arms to receive me into the family. She is very close to my MIL and she has a strong grip on the whole family. Tega is the first son, and the first to get married so Grace is my senior in the family. I respect her a lot but maintain my distance because of some unpalatable experiences I have had with her since I became a part of the family.)

Grace: “Did you know I am aware of what happened between you and my husband back in Ife? He told me; you know. Why haven’t you told your husband about it? I don’t want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag but if you won’t do what is honourable, I might be forced to do it for you.”

(And she walked away.)

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Ejiro noticed that Grace and I spoke. He also noticed that I have been uneasy around him since then. I would have called Tega to inform him about his wife’s threat but I can’t because Grace’s hold on her husband is strong. Why she thinks she needs to dig this up is unknown to me but I pray it ends well.

I may have to summon courage and tell Ejiro about it but I am scared. I am scared because that day I met his mum, he had asked me on our way back to IB if there was anything, he needed to know about me and his brother, and I had told him there was none. Now, this! How do I handle it?

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