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Dear MIMsters: He Has A Good Heart And Is Supportive But I’m Worried

I’m 33 years old and my man is 40. It’s been 2 years since we started dating and it’s been a non-sexual relationship. He has a good heart and is supportive but I’m worried.

He has proposed and I know we would have settled down in marriage now but for his financial constraints. Even though he isn’t comfortable, he isn’t stingy, he gives from the little he has, he takes care of me and makes me happy.

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He is a graduate who has been trying to secure a job for years but meanwhile, he is into videography where he gets his income, though not steady. He is everything I think I want in a man except for my recent discovery about him that is making me worried. I am having a rethink about still settling down with him or not.

Last month, he was broke and asked me to lend him money, I did, which he paid back. I asked him, hope this isn’t going to be recurrent, and he said no, it can’t be an everyday thing.

Two weeks later, he asked me for money again, I obliged him & even though he hasn’t returned it, last week he told me to lend him money again because he was broke. I know he hasn’t been going to work as this pandemic is affecting his job. I had voluntarily bought him a bucket of rice which I haven’t done before so I’m kinda not happy he is asking me for help again.

I told him he should have friends to ask, but he said his bestie is also facing some challenges and he doesn’t want to ask him. He said that I should help him, that he would surely payback, that I know for sure and this money he lends doesn’t exceed 5k at most, but I’m not happy. Why asking me?

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He seems so comfortable with it and to me is very wrong & shameful, especially at his age. I feel I should be the one asking him to lend me money not the other way round but to him, I’m his girl, and because of how free we are with each other like we discussed any and everything. He feels it is not a big deal.

This thing is scaring me, making me feel that’s how he will be doing it when we are married. I have read posts on how women assist their men and the outcome wasn’t always pleasant. I’m beginning to think this is a red flag cos even though I’m working, I earn little, I school and sponsor myself.

I’m the eldest child and he knows all these. I’m thinking if he knows I earn more and better he might not bother looking for a job again and would want to leave off me, I do tell him that. He doesn’t seem lazy as he been trying to get a better job while working with this his skill and planning to make sure we settle down.

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He recently got back from camp training on a job he applied for before this pandemic, so, we don’t know the outcome yet. I’m beginning to think of leaving the relationship but besides this, this man has a good heart, he listens to me, takes all my mess cos I can be very annoying, caring in every way and supportive but I’m worried. What do you think?

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