10 Habits To Pursue If You Are Working On Your Marriage

There is the initial energy that propels a couple into deciding to spend forever together, sadly, that energy will not perpetually remain at its peak – whether it is driven by love or attraction. Thankfully, however, there’s always room to build back what once was, and here’s the raw deal, happy couples have completely different habits than unhappy couples.

If you’ve ever noticed couples who have been together for decades and who are still just as happy together and wonder ‘How do they do it?’, here are at least 10 habits of happy couples that you can also cultivate to help your marriage thrive.

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1. Spend Time Together

Throughout the day, spouses in happy marriages find ways to connect—physically and emotionally. They touch when they are around each other, they communicate throughout the day and they make intimacy a priority. Happy couples make spending time together a priority.

Spending as much time as you can with your partner makes it easier for both of you to anticipate as well as meet the needs of each other.

2. Keep Abreast Of What’s Going On in Each Other’s Lives

Happily married couples are familiar with each other’s lives. There know each other well and remember which friend is dearest to their significant other as well as which colleague is giving their partner a hard time at work. You can’t really love a person correctly if you don’t know them truthfully.

So, seek to spend more time and be in tune with each other as a couple, that way you can love and be loved correctly and thus restore the spark in your marriage.

3. Stop Taking Each Other For Granted

It is a sad but common reality that many people treat strangers, friends and acquaintances better than their spouses. Many relationships turn sour because couples start taking each other for granted.

As the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” If you and your partner have allowed time and familiarity to make you less appreciative of each other, now that you are working towards being happier in your marriage is a good time to drop the habit of taking each other for granted.

Say ‘thank you’, be polite and make deliberate efforts to show that you value their presence and additions into your life.

4. Complain Less

Shun the temptation to complain or criticize your partner often because that’s obviously a negative habit that can drain the excitement of living with you in your partner.

Focus on the positives and resist the bad habit to exaggerate the seeming mistakes of your spouse. For a really happy married life, focus more on the positive than the negative aspects of your relationship. Happy couples remember the things that their partner does right, instead of dwelling on the mistakes.

As one psychologist, Mark Goulston says,

“If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.” 

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5. Laugh Together

Research shows that couples who laugh together are happier. “In the article ‘Humour in Romantic Relationships, a Meta-Analysis,’ Hall looks back on 30 years’ worth of studies on the topic, concluding that,

‘playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security’ and that laughter, ‘particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction between potential mates,’”

says Jeffrey Hall, University of Kansas associate professor of communication studies.

In other words, one important cue to note that your marriage needs working on is if you and your partner scarcely have something to laugh together about. Let your guard down, encourage playfulness and watch your relationship blossom.

6. Forgiveness

A lot happens in the course of a marriage, so much that a couple may build resentment towards each other. If you are working on being happy in your marriage, you will need to discuss with your partner, communicate and iron out issues that have been caused you to draw apart.

As you may have heard, a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Talk about the things you need to help you get over the tension and resentment with your partner, and when they have acknowledged your feelings and commit to doing better, do not let your own ego insist on punishing them for as long.

7. Check In On Each Other During The Day

Happy couples keep connected during the day while at their separate jobs. Calling your partner or sending a text message lets them know that you’re thinking of them.

Check in with them and ask about their plans, or how their day is going. It also keeps you updated on how their day is going, so you’re more in sync when you meet after work.

8. Say ‘I love you’ and Kind Prayers To Your Spouse Daily

This is a great way to warm your spouse’s mind whether they are setting out for work on a week or have just rolled out of the bed on a weekend.

Kind words in the morning will help your partner stay calm and patiently go through their day, this in turn will foster the bond between you both.

9. Cuddles, Kisses, and Sexual Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a key ingredient in happy marriages. Keep the flame alive by touching, kissing, cuddling and getting more action in the bedroom.

Happy couples make it a priority to reconnect with each other.

“They understand that in long-term relationships, affection and sex don’t just happen,”

says Celeste Hirchman, sex and relationship coach.

“Couples need to have a commitment to cultivating connection instead of hoping it just happens.”

While you may no longer be all over each other the way you were at the start of your relationship, you should still set aside time when you put away your devices and screens and focus on each other. Happy couples commit to intentionally cultivate connection, show affection, and learn and grown around sex.

10. Be Undeniably Loyal

Loyalty in a marriage goes beyond staying faithful, it involves having your partner’s back in thought and action. Do not speak ill of them in their presence or behind them, obtain their trust before sharing sensitive information that concerns or may affect them with anyone else.

Let there be no shadow of doubt in your spouse’s mind that you prioritize their happiness.

Extra tip as shared by relationship blogger, Tansey Tang:

11. Express Needs from a Place of Vulnerability

“You’re always on the computer!” “You never take out the trash!” Criticism is often a way couples express their needs, but instead of a request, it comes out as an attack, and your partner gets defensive instead of meeting your needs. Instead of accusing them of being on the computer all the time, try saying, “I’d like to spend some time with you,” or ask, “Could you help me with the housework?” instead of complaining that they don’t empty the trash.

As relationship coach Kyle Benson says,

“Blaming our partner or hiding our feelings by criticising is easy. Speaking our feelings and fears requires a willingness to be vulnerable.”

Happily married couples ask themselves why they feel angry with their partner, and open up to find the deeper need within. They are courageous about expressing their feelings from a place of vulnerability.

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