Dear MIMsters: I Was Naive To Think He Was All I Needed And It Messed Up My Life

I’m 25 years old. During my university days, I had this boyfriend. I was so naive and I believed he was all I needed.

One day, I became pregnant, and knowing the family I come from, I almost killed myself because I couldn’t imagine telling my parents about it, so he advised me to terminate it. I did it with so much tears and we continued to have sex and I got pregnant again and I had another abortion again.

This continued and it seemed like the more abortion I had, the less concerned my boyfriend felt and showed, since I was getting used to it. 
At one point, I was pregnant during the exam and I didn’t know. I started having morning sickness which disturbed me but I wasn’t getting much of his attention. I went for a pregnancy test and it was positive. Having to juggle coping with writing my exams and dealing with a pregnancy, a friend offered to take me to the hospital, so I could take my exams but I rejected the idea thinking about how my boyfriend would react. But the said boyfriend didn’t care.
After the exam, I terminated that pregnancy and started a new relationship with a new guy. I got along with this new guy because I felt happier with him. I was traumatized in the first relationship and was treated inhumanely. So, I asked my boyfriend for a break and he didn’t take it lightly. He flared up and accused me of meeting someone else.
I told him the relationship between me and him was unhealthy and it’s killing me. I reminded him that he is a type of guy who doesn’t forgive, doesn’t accept flaws, and always about being on the right track. I always get to apologize for what he did to end our quarrels, he always makes sure of that.
Despite all said and done, time passed and we got back together, and like before, the sex and abortion continued. I just couldn’t leave him. Unknown to me, he had told his parents that we were no longer dating and was already planning his wedding to another woman with his mother.
When I told him that I was having a series of nightmares about him, he told me that I was thinking too much. When I told him that I was scared of the future, he would tell me that we are in this together.
The day I saw his wedding pictures online, I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was having one of my usual nightmares. It was when I felt tears rolling down my cheeks and noticed that I was shivering, that was when I realized I wasn’t dreaming.
I called him and I was like, “please, what is happening? I saw your wedding pictures,” and he said, “yes, it is what you saw.” He told me that he was tired of my many abortions for him, so he needed to move on. I couldn’t get what he was saying. I just felt that was the end of life for me. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me and I cursed him several times. I even thought of committing suicide.
The next thing I did was to tell my mum everything, from the beginning of the relationship. I thank God for my mother who never insulted or rejected me but she tried to advise me even though that didn’t solve the pain.
To date, I still blame myself for how my boyfriend treated me. Sometimes I think it’s because of the guy I met then in school, that’s why he left me, or could it be he feels I won’t be able to give birth again due to my numerous abortions since he is the only child of his parents? I have been sad since then and I find it hard to move on with life. 

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