An apology in marriage or other important relationship is an attempt to admit you made a mistake, hurt someone’s feelings, did something really stupid, made a bad decision, or something else you know is not right.
When you apologize, you are accepting responsibility for your actions and showcasing that acceptance to another person. You are owning your mistake and displaying that ownership to the person you may have hurt. Unfortunately, in most African countries, many men see apology as a woman thing, so they see no reason to apologise when they offend their wives.
PUNCH correspondent spoke with some married Nigerians on how they would handle spouses who see no reason to seek apology after offending.
Below are their responses:
She must learn to apologise
I will have to teach her how to apologise and if she doesn’t learn, then it means there is a cogent difference in values between us. Some offences are deep that they can even threaten marriages. What I will first do is to identify her offensive behaviour as it will help checking her excesses.
I may not be able to change her behaviour totally but I can change mine to make her see reasons why she has to apologise whenever she offends. If after my efforts she doesn’t change, then I don’t think I can continue with the marriage. My wife must know the importance of saying ‘I am sorry’ whenever she does wrong because I cannot ignore that.
He must learn how to apologise
If my husband refuses to apologise after offending me, I will see it as pride. The moment I realised that he enjoys not saying sorry to his offending acts, it will cause a big problem in the future. Saying sorry will not take anything from anyone, rather it is a plus to one’s character strength.
It will go a long way to say sorry after offending and it is what everyone should learn to do frequently.
My husband will have to learn how to apologise from me because whenever he offends me and he doesn’t apologise, I will always tell him I have forgiven him for his act. I will voice it out so as not to bear grudges. By doing so, I know he will eventually change.
SEE ALSO: Nigerian Wife Who Used To Be Quarrelsome Towards Her Husband Shares Her Story To Help Other Women Identify Their Own Bad Habits & Salvage Their Relationships
I’lI have discussions with her about it
Before marriage, I would have expressed displeasure after noticing it. I believe there is nothing like over-communication in marriage. I will keep telling her how I feel because I desire peace in our marriage. Therefore, I will see it as my duty to always instigate the act of apologising
. If she develops the attitude after marriage, I will, first of all, have a discussion with her. I will have to listen to her more because that may be responsible for her actions. I see an apology as an act of accepting that one has hurt someone else’s feeling and apologising will make the person heal faster. I will take things easy with her and also back it up with prayers. If she doesn’t change, I will have to endure.
Goodbye to the marriage if he can’t apologise
I can’t even date someone who doesn’t apologise after offending because it will be a turn-off for me. If my husband decides to change from being an apologetic person to an unapologetic person, then I will have to use wisdom to relate with him.
A marriage where we cannot iron out issues and admit our wrongs and apologise to each another after offending is a pretence to me. If one is also not careful in such a marriage, things will go wrong. Saying sorry whenever one offends his or her partner goes a long way. It’s like medicine to the soul.
My husband and I need to have a mutual understanding for our marriage to work and offering of apology whenever either of us offends the other is part of it. If he can’t apologise, then I cannot continue with the marriage.
If she’s stiff, I’ll beg her to make peace
I will let her know that I am not happy with her because she doesn’t apologise whenever she is wrong. I will let her know that when she tries seeking penance after offending, it will engender peace in our home. If she doesn’t want to change her ways, I will be the one to apologise.
This is because I value peace and always try to avoid anything that will bring trouble. I will leave her alone if she refuses to change because I love her and I want our marriage to work.
I can’t force him to apologise
If my husband refuses to apologise whenever he offends me, I will let him be. In that case, since I know that is his nature, I’ll try to avoid anything that will bring issues between us. If the disagreements are from him, I will forgive him upon knowing him as the type who doesn’t apologise after offending. I can’t force him to do what he doesn’t want to do.
I’ll offend her and not apologise too
If I have a wife that doesn’t apologise after offending, I will have to be praying for her. I cannot apply violence or be angry with her. She may have made up her mind not to apologise so what is the point of insisting she does.
It’ll be an exercise in futility. I will rather leave her alone. I will also try to do the same thing to her by offending and not apologising. She will know how it feels for one to offend one and not bother to apologise.
I’ll tell him to apologise whenever he offends me
If my husband offends me and he doesn’t apologise, I will call his attention to it. I will not overlook it because the more I get angry and wait for his apologies that wouldn’t come, the more I will be bottling up anger.
It might result in something bad at the end. I will state it clearly to him that I prefer he apologises for his wrongdoing.
SEE ALSO: “No Matter What, You Should Never Apologize To Your Child” Twitter User, Naomi Chizoba Argues Why
My wife must apologise if she offends me
A well-tendered apology is important in any marriage. It shows that the offending partner admitted his or her fault and ready to make up for the wrongdoing. If my wife did something wrong to me and she doesn’t apologise, I will take it easy with her. Some persons are not good with words; they like to show remorse through action.
They can go to the extent of cooking for you to show that they are genuinely sorry for their act. If she refuses to show that she is sorry for her act and kept mute about the whole thing, I surely will have a big problem with her. I cannot overlook it if my wife doesn’t apologise. It cannot work for me. For me, she has to be intentional about an apology, either she acts it or says it out. If she doesn’t apologise, I will distance myself from her.
I’ll call his attention to it
I will call his attention to it, that if he offends me, he’s supposed to say sorry. We’ll also train our children to always apologise whenever they do something wrong.
An apology done the right way can resolve conflict, heal hurt feelings, improve relationships, and foster love.
I will try to show him and equally tell him the importance of him apologising when he is wrong. I will allow him to change willingly because I will not want the issue to lead to disagreement.
Tags: Apology, Married Nigerians, Offence
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