I am currently in a quagmire and dicey situation that seem to be eating me up. My story is kinda long. I am 26 years old and I have been in a distance relationship with this amazing 28-year-old guy for 6 years now. This guy is my spec, he possesses all the qualities I want in a man but he’s got big problems.
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He is a serial gambler and is too secretive.
We met at the university, and we were at the same level. We were supposed to have graduated in the same year but he told me he had issues so he had an extra year, or so I thought.
Well, I graduated, went for NYSC and he encouraged me to go for some professional courses which he sponsored all through. Even while we were at the university, he made me the envy of many by renting an apartment for me off-campus.
He insisted on me eating out and to cook only on weekends so I would have time for my studies. In fact, he made sure I was comfortable and lacked nothing. He is so generous and too kind-hearted to a fault.
Now to my dilemma, he opened up to me last year when I kept on asking about his inability to go for NYSC that he really didn’t graduate, he dropped out in his final year because he couldn’t cope and had too many carryovers.
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According to him, he was forced into the sciences by his parents and was just struggling to pass to please his parents.
Well, it broke my heart that he kept all that away from me, despite us being very close (we communicate thrice in a day). After the confession, he started acting weird and withdrawn. On questioning him he begged me to forgive him and move on, that he loves me dearly but he isn’t good enough for me. I assured him I would stand by him, that I’m not bothered about him not being a graduate.
He is hardworking and smart and runs their family business.
We continued our relationship and he never stopped loving and caring for me. Even when I lost my job, he placed me on a monthly salary.
He neither drinks nor smoke but this habit of him gambling is what I’m most bothered about. I have advised, begged, prayed, and cried for him to stop. He would stop and still go back to it. He makes a lot of money from his business (family business), yet doesn’t have reasonable savings (and this is someone who promised to marry me next year).
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Recently, he borrowed N200k from me, saying that he wants to add it to the N800k that he has to invest in a business he was introduced into. He rarely borrows from me and when he does, he pays back with interests. I tried finding out what kinda business he wanted to go into but he refused to tell me. He promised me that it’s a good business that will have a huge proceed.
After he failed to reimburse the money I borrowed him on the stipulated date, I confronted him and he told me that he was scammed of N1.2million. He started sounding depressed and suicidal.
I got a call from his brother yesterday that he has gone missing and hasn’t been picking his calls. After several attempts to reach him, he sent me a text that he actually invested N800k in a business and he was scammed. So, he decided to use N400k to gamble to raise more capital and he lost. He also added in the text that he doesn’t even know where he was at that time and he asked me to pray for him because he was depressed and suicidal.
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Mimsters, please advise me on how to handle this situation. I am tired of constantly pleading with him to stop gambling and to always open up to me about his problems. His siblings also complained about him being too secretive. He doesn’t have friends, (he is very reserved). I seem to be the only friend and emotional support that he has.
He comes from a polygamous home and his mum is late. He is the only offspring of his mother but didn’t enjoy motherly love and affection. I am the only one that seems to love and care about him, even when I threatened to leave him early this year, he begged that he would die if he loses me.
He claims to gamble just to raise plenty of money to invest in many businesses so that he can give me the best life when we get married.
I want to leave him after he recovers from his current situation but I honestly love him so much and he has been too good to me. He understands me so well, treats me like a queen, and worships me. He places me first above everything. In fact, he is the father figure in my life, I fear if I leave him, I might not find anyone like him.
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Everyone tells me I’m lucky to have someone like him because his kind is rare but I’m scared about my future with him. This gambling of a thing seems beyond the ordinary. He promises to stop but he always goes back to it.
Please advise me like you would a sister.
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